A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I'm a single, attractive female with little dating experience looking for my soulmate in new york city.This has happened to me twice so I'm posting about it. I must be doing something wrong. I went to a club/bar with my friends, met a friends friend I clicked with. He was funny, we had things in common, we talked about past relationships, hobbies etc. And then he said let's go home at the end of the night. We end up going to starbucks and make out. He wants to go back to his place but I tell him I don't do one night stands. I don't want to have sex with a stranger. He asks for my number, we go our seperate ways... He never calls.Next week, I go out again. Meet Mr. charming #2, a friend's friend at a friend's houseparty. We talk and laugh. He tells me I'm attractive asks why i don't have a boyfriend. We dance and he kisses me. I kiss him back. It's 3am, time to go home. He says wanna go home, I say yes. We get in a cab together. He tells the cabdriver his address. I tell the cab driver my address. My apt is on my way to his. He asks if i have roomates I say no. He kisses me again. I get the vibe he expects me to invite me to his place. I regret kissing him. Gosh but he's so hot... sigh. He rests his head on my lap. Suddenly the cab drivers says we're at my place. O shoot i say. okay. i turn to him. "Have a good nite =) get home safe" He wait for him to ask for my number he doesn't. I'm not sure what to do so i just walk out of the cab and he stays in it. Well we have a close mutual friend maybe he'll ask him?... maybe he'll find me on facebook? 2days later nothing.. sigh.. I think i'm doing something wrong... please help!!
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (16 January 2011): If you like a guy, don't wait for him to ask for your number, ask for his. Also, why are you looking for your soul mate in a club/bar? That's where guys tend to go for hookups.More importantly, STOP LOOKING FOR YOUR SOUL MATE. I don't understand why people spend so much time looking for their soul mate. The more you look for him/her, the less likely you are to find him/her. More likely, you'll find someone you THINK is your soul mate, and get too serious too fast. Just go through life. You'll either meet someone and go on a few dates, and it will develop into something good NATURALLY... or you will find out that a friend of yours is really the person you were looking for the whole time and you just didn't see it. Stop putting so much effort into finding someone and just let it happen naturally.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (3 January 2011): If you're looking for a soul mate, it'd be hard to find one drunk in a club/bar.
Soul mates would more so be a natural occurance. You can't MAKE someone your soul mate.
Sure, you can date left and right to see if that someone could be your soul mate, but it's impossible to turn that person into what you want.
Good luck :)
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (2 January 2011): I'm 16 and have only had one relationship. I'm not an expert on relationships by no means, but it always makes me feel better to not worry. I always meet the most amazing people when I'm out having fun and not looking for a soul mate. If this helps you any do what i do, don't go out looking, because when you do you'll never find.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (2 January 2011): You just met some men who are purely looking for sex and aren't prepared to wait and develop a proper relationship. I think you have high standards and do right not to sleep with them right off. If you had, they probably would have taken the sex and never rang again.
Wait and create opportunities to meet people in various ways.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (2 January 2011): Girl I spent my early to mid twenties dating in the city and I was on fire. I had a different date for every night of the week. I had one guy ask me out for six months before I agreed to it. I had so many guy's vying for my attention it is ridiculous. So you are in luck today. I will give you very valuable advice.
Now I am just going to be blunt. From the stories you posted here you are coming off as desperate. And I guarantee you both those guys can see through it. I mean why are you making out with random guys you meet at a bar? Why are you even sharing cabs with them? And more importantly why do you care if they call you or not? There are four million people in nyc, what was so special about these guys?
Look you shouldn't make out with random guys you just meet. That makes you come off as easy and desperate. Perfect qualities in the extreme short term but not at all desirable for anything else. That is why they are not calling or getting your number. You give away all mystery to you in the first few hours of meeting these guys. Furthermore, did you really see something special about these guys or were you just drunk? Guys can see through that too, and it sounds like you just made out with the first guy's to come along or talk to you. Once again, that spells, 'desperate.'
So first thing you have to do is stop making out with guys so quickly. Talk to them, get to know them instead. Act like you have standards. Like you are a girl who thinks things out and takes her time.
Second, you are not going to meet anyone cool at a bar/club. You need to go to parties. Especially in nyc there are lots of cool guys at parties. Or meet guys at school between classes. At work. Through friends. I used to meet guys everywhere, the train, at school, parties, through friends, bars. Look I am not going to lie, I met alot of guys at bar's, but they were'nt generally the best quality guys and I really don't even know what kind of bars/clubs you are going to. So just sounds risky.
Thirdly, don't just make out and share a cab home with the first guy who talks to you. Wait for someone you actually LIKE, in a sober way. Someone who really catches your eye and talk to him and get to know him. Even if that means going out with your friends and not meeting even one guy that night. So what? You are not looking for just any guy you are looking for a special one.
Act sophisticated. Act like you have standards. Let them chase you and take you out and call you a few times before you kiss them. It isn't that hard to do and the end result often is that you are being chased by a bunch of guys and you then get to pick and choose who you want to be with that day. And once you have them calling you, then keep your options open, don't put all your eggs in one basket. And keep it that way just until someone does something extraordinary enough to sweep you off your feet, make you feel like he is the one. It's really simple.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (2 January 2011): What you are doing wrong is thinking you can actually do something about finding a soul mate. Finding the right person is not something you do, it is something that happens to you. You can't rush it. It can take decades. You should also know that most people never find theirs. It is sad, but true. That is why there are so many bad and dysfunctional marriages out there. People get tired of waiting so they settle for less than their ideal partner. That doesn't mean you are doomed to be sad and lonely for ever. There are many happy couples out there who are not exactly soul mates, but they make it work and live a happy life together. All you can do is try your best to enjoy life and not worry about finding your soul mate.
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A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (2 January 2011):
 Yeah, stop telling guys you want to go home with them, you're just gonna get called something bad. I won't say it on here, but if you let a guy think you'll have sex with him and then you don't... well there's a bad word for that. Ask your friends. Guys don't typically date those types of girls as they come off as teasing only.
Just tell them right from the start that you do not want a one night stand, but if he wants a date you're up for it and get to know him and then who knows. Don't jump into a cab with a guy, he's going to assume you want him back to your place. Don't say "let's go home" that also implies you will go back together.. not to separate homes. You are basically inviting them to a one night stand then standing them up at the last moment.
So be clear from the start about what you want! For future references I will list up some "rules" of the dating game and one-night stands in particular:
If you kiss on the first meeting it is an invite for more, unless you have been very strict about there being zero possibilities for him to return home with you.
If he grinds up against you and his hands start to wander then he wants sex and a one night stand.
If he asks you if you want to head back home that means: do you want to go home with me and shag? (really, if you want to go home you'll say Im going home now, bye! You don't say lets go home).
If he asks you to his place for drinks after the party that is also an invite for sex. If he at any point asks for alone time with you it is an invite for sex, and if you say yes you are agreeing to sex.
"He tells me I'm attractive asks why i don't have a boyfriend" This in guy language means= you are attractive, do you have a boyfriend or are you available for sex?
A few thumb rules: hot guys typically know they are hot. They often turn into sleazeballs because of it, so keep your guards up when it comes to hot guys. Now a rule for the night scene only, if you meet a guy while sober and in broad daylight this wont count: be direct. He's out there to hunt down a woman and you're there to hunt down a man. It's a meat market. So let them know what you're interested in, and don't let them sell you something you don't want.
Fix a date next. What you've had so far are nightly flings with a couple of guys. Don't worry, there's lots of guys out there so you'll get plenty of chances to try out your new hunting tricks.
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A
male
reader, Jmtmj  +, writes (2 January 2011):
 Nope.
Just keep doing what you're doing.
Sorry I can't be more help, but the only way you're gonna know if you're doing anything wrong is by getting more dating experience and meeting new people...
...which you're already doing.
Don't lower your standards, you'll find a keeper if you keep your chin up.
Good-luck :)
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A
male
reader, tone +, writes (2 January 2011):
 I'm in nyc too. In this city, if you see something you want then take it. If you want to run around parties with me and meet people that might be fun. Maybe you need a wingman.
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