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female
age
26-29,
anonymous
writes: Hello agony aunts. Im facing some troubles and dealing with my guy friend's behavior towards me. My guy friend is being cold, sarcastic and mean to me in the past few weeks. Okay well let me start with this, he actually loves me, he told me before that he wants to be in a relationship with me, but i kindly told him that i only see him as a friend, and I'm not ready for a relationship right now. He was okay with it, but he kind of tries to bring up the same topic every once in a while, but i always shut the topic. Recently he is being the kind of a**hole you meet in the club that pretends to be the ladies man. He's always telling me about that hot girl he saw on the street, always tells me that he wants to meet up with my girlfriends, that girls are all into him. I turn this as a joke, and he does too when he doesn't get the jealous reaction out of me. He talks to me but then turn everything into sarcasm and doesnt pay any attention to what i say when we hangout. More than a week ago, i confronted his behavior, he blamed me for his behavior that im overreacting and I'm just stressing out the situation. I ended up blocking him and he acted like he doesn't care. The following day i woke up to a message of him apologizing to me about his behavior (he sent the message via his sister's phone number), i told him he should take a look into his actions. We haven't talked for a few days after the fight but eventually he apologized again and told me he wants to meet up to make it up to me. Well, he has been all good for a week, and then he returend to his shitty behavior again after he told me that *I hurt him* because i don't want to be with him. I told him he should respect that fact that I only see him as a friend and not force the relationship. Im an attractive person and every time a guy approach me he would get jealous and tell me: go ahead and give him your number, you should give it a shot, he is definitely better than me because he has an attractive face, etc..... He would even tell me that he wants to turn back to his ex girlfriend, and when i tell him that im happy for him, he would be upset and tells me: but you know that she cheated on me, why are you happy? I do advice him before that he shouldnt get back to her, but then he tells me: youre just jealous. im getting sick of him and every time i want to cut off our friendship, he ends up apologizing and telling me that i hurt him. Just because i dont feed up his ego means that i hurt him? I've been friends with him for years, and this weird behavior has been in him for a few months now. I know deep down he's a great guy, but i dont understand this annoying behavior coming out of his wounded ego..
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cheated on me, ex girlfriend, his ex, jealous Reply to this Question
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male
reader, TylerSage  +, writes (27 April 2018):
 For the sake of clarity for both the OP and "anonymous female" bear in mind this is from the mindset of another man.It's like this male friend is walking around with a huge booger hanging from his nose.His female friend assures him that their's nothing on his face and he's absolutely fine but when he reaches in for a kiss she bolts like the Flash. The problem here is that he'll continue approaching wimen with the booger and most of them won't tell him it's there they'll just run too.The difference here is that she isn't just some other girl. She's suppose to his friend and thats probably why your male friend left. He had to force such vital information out of you otherwise you'd allow him to just continue walking around with a big booger in his nose like an idiot. Why keep something like that from him?But the irony is you don't say anthing because you don't want to hurt him but you're only doing just that.All the best.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (27 April 2018): The problem, tylersage, is that OP"s reason may very well be, "because I don't think of you sexually and never have. That's what I liked about our friendship. There isn't anything you can do about it" in my experience, this hurts ppl even more and turns friends to enemies. In my experience, I lost s group of friends BC of what I "did" to the guy. I told him privately and he asked for brutal honesty.
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A
male
reader, TylerSage +, writes (27 April 2018):
He's acting this way because the two of you have been friends for years. He knows everything about you, you know everything about him, you both get along fine and enjoy each other's company, however, the minute he suggests the two of you become more than friends you shoot him down without a second thought.He's trying to figure out, why you accept him as a friend by reject him as a lover. THERE HAS TO BE A REASON. You said it yourself, "I know deep down he's a great guy." You've probably made that statement to his face endlessly but when this "great guy" asked to be your boyfriend you tell him "NO". As a result, all the beliefs he holds about acquiring a girl or maybe just acquiring you has been shattered. His belief system has gone haywire and now he's trying to recalculate what he needs to do next to win with the opposite sex, queue the badboy routine, but when it doesn't work because you already know it's an act he returns to he usual manner in hopes to not scare you away after years and years of friendship.This is usually the point in a man's life where he becomes an uncaring, selfish, a-hole in relationships. Because he has learnt that being himself, being caring or being considerate doesn't cut it in the mating ritual. And he needs to be somewhat of an ass to make any progress or be desire by women. OR he can continue being himself and hopes he catches the right woman....someday.Personally, I think one of the best things you could do for him is be brutally honest as to why you do not want to be in a relationship with him rather than give him the "...you're a really sweet guy and any girl would be happy to have you." talk. It will help him more than it will hurt him.e. "Sean, I don't want to get with you because you have no backbone, you whine about everything and you're bad at making decisions. I want to be friends but you don't have the qualities I look for it a boyfriend. I'm sorry."Sure, it might very well hurt his feelings but it will help him grow as a person. Telling him he's great, but not great for you is far more hurtful than anything else.All the best.
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A
female
reader, Anonymous 123  +, writes (26 April 2018):
 I just wanted to add, that the reason he keeps coming back to you despite you wanting to end the friendship is because he doesn't want to let you go, nor can he stay away from you. This is what I meant by obsessive behaviour. He's also seen that you're inherently a good person and he's using your goodness to guilt you into feeling bad for him. Like you're
responsible for his bad behaviour.
This is all so wrong on so many levels!
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A
female
reader, Anonymous 123 +, writes (26 April 2018):
While you've been friends for a long time, the friendship is effectively over OP. I hope you realise that. It's basically on life support right now and just a matter of time before you pull the plug.
This guy is being an ass just because you haven't reciprocated his feelings and he's not going to change. He's making you feel guilty for rejecting him and he's not allowing you to go. This is very creepy OP. I've been on Dear Cupid for long enough to get a "vibe" from posts and this guy you've described does not sound good. At all. I don't mean to scare you but you should most definitely be careful. He's borderline stalker like and he's certainly obsessive.
You need to make it very very clear to him that you are NOT interested in him and the matter ends there. Seeing that he has made it uncomfortable and difficult for you to even continue with a friendship, you have no option but to stop all interaction with him. Ask him to stop contacting you. Stop replying to him, stop responding to him and stop being nice to him. You've done enough. You have NOT hurt him... You have just rejected his advances and that is entirely YOUR prerogative. You owe him no explanation. Please block him immediately OP, ask his sister to stop him from using her phone to contact you and block all his numbers.
A "great guy" would never behave in this way OP. He's not a great guy. He's a sore loser and a very creepy, hurtful, selfish, bitter guy.
Stay safe.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (26 April 2018):
 So stop accepting the apologies & block him?
He "claims" that YOU are hurting him - because you don't want to date him, but you have been upfront with not wanting more than friendship, HOWEVER - he is of the opinion that if he PUSHES hard enough you will change your mind, that a no doesn't mean no, but "a maybe" or "a try harder" - so THAT is what he has been doing. And when you accept his "apology" (which isn't an apology by the by but just a way to manipulate you into talking to him again) he SEES this as you giving hi another chance to CHANGE your mind.
The more he gets you to talk to him, the bigger the chance he thinks he has with you. ONLY way you can nip that in the bud, is to cut him loose.
The things is OP, a friendship is OVER the moment someone catches feelings and wants to go from friendship to relationship, and the other party DOESN'T.
Once romantic or "sexual" feelings are getting into the equation, the friendship is no longer a friendship.
So my advice?
Wish him well, and tell him that you don't feel he truly wants a friendship and you don't want a relationship with him so you are going to end all contact as you do NOT want him to think you are stringing him along. That he needs to look elsewhere for a GF. And that he needs to stop contacting you from ANYONE's phone.
Any number that he uses to contact you with, you BLOCK.
DO NOT apologize for not wanting to date this guy!
There are plenty of red flags in his behavior (mostly him being entitled, disrespectful and immature) but enough to see WHY you wouldn't want him as a BF. Now I wouldn't point that out to him because it's moot point anyhow. YOU have told him no, and he isn't respecting that AT all.
Only thing you can really do it cut him loose.
And no you won't lose a great friend, because he no longer IS a friend or behaves as a friend.
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