A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:hello dear aunts! Don't want to go too long or detailed about this. I'm going to cut it short. I 'm seeing someone who is great. He is known to be an honest and decent guy. I've known him as a friend for a long time but we started seeing each other only recently and we are very much in love. My ex bf was a complete douchebag who cheated on me and abused me emotionally. He used to lie about every thing. I was with him for 5 years. Coming to my problem- I have it somewhere inside in my head I should not trust and that I should expect to be lied to or cheated. So although everything is great I stop myself from being happy or accepting how amazing my current relationship is. I'm in constant denial of feeling great. At first I thought its a good thing to be on the safer side and not expect too much. Now I'm worried this will never go away and im going to be stone hearted for the rest of my life. What do you guys think? Should I wait to make sure I'm not with another player before I'm ready for more intensity in how i feel?(ie. go slow) Is it the right way to go or am i being too phobic because of my bitter experience? if yes then what am I to do about it??? help me understand better through your past experiences. I'm sure many people here have gone through something of this sort where they were cheated on or betrayed and then found it difficult to believe that they are actually in a happy relationship and not really being deceived. The good thing about being the way I am is, I'm not one of those crying emotional mess type of person anymore and never will be. But the bad side is, I'm not able to feel on cloud 9 kinda love either cos I have become so practical and realistic!!! and i cannot even help it.
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female
reader, NORA B  +, writes (27 May 2018):
I quiet understand how you feel,after such dreadful treatment from your ex-boyfriend....You have been badly wounded.....after those 5 years...and the wounds of hurt are still healing,and it it no wonder that you expect the same thing to happen again.Remember this new relationship was first built on friendship...and so it developed in a loving relationship. Try and enjoy..and do not compare it to your last relationship at any level.Be happy living in the Now.Be gentle with yourself...and understand that it takes time to fully trust again....but time will sort that out for you.We grow through pain and become much stronger people at all levels.Sometimes when we are trying to hard[like you not been able to feel on cloud 9]..just allow it to happen go with the flow.Love yourself first...it is only then that we can love someone else.Not a bad idea of being practical and realistic...but allow the Romance into your life.Best Wishes .Nora B.
A
female
reader, janniepeg  +, writes (26 April 2018):
 I know how cliché it would sound but my advice is to focus on the now. Your reference point was the past and you carry your fear into the future. Being careful and guarded will not stop someone from cheating. The only thing you can do now is to enjoy your interactions with your current boyfriend. Being practical and realistic has its own purpose. Although realistically, there are many good guys left. I had never been cheated on. Who knows maybe my exes did but they never got caught, or maybe someone would cheat on me in the future. It's just not one of my worries in my life. My frustration is that men lost their ability to love. They had turn to addiction and porn. Women and men lost respect for each other nowadays.
You have to practice self love and believe that you are worthy of love. Only then you will have love that's free flowing and non restricted. You will free yourself from worries and that anything you touch, any person you interact with would benefit from this energy. You can wait and wait until you feel someone can be trusted but love does not work that way. Love is the opposite of being calculative. Yep, you won't be a crying mess anymore but can you be that confident with yourself that even if you lost the best man ever in your life, you would still carry on? If you lost your beauty, your fertility, would you still love yourself the way you are? Now that's the kind of confidence you need to develop.
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