A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I'm a girl, I am having a long-term relationship with this awesome guy, and after some years of being together he's recently moved to another country and we're having a long-distance relationship now. I'm not ready to break things off with him, but have recently developed a massive crush for a (female) teacher at university. I'm not worried about the whole 'might I be gay'-question, because although I've never been with a woman I'm quite sure I'm bisexual and totally okay with that. It's not the first time I crush on a girl, but the problem is that I always tend to crush on women that are quite a bit older than I am (+10 years), which makes it difficult for me to assess just how interested they are in me and in what way. This particular woman has given me some subtle hints, saying that she finds me beautiful and is impressed with how smart I am (she believes), winks at me, tells me personal stories, looks me deep into the eyes and we have very 'comfortable' serious conversations. Doesn't have to mean anything, I know. My intuition tells me she's interested as well, but I don't really follow class with her and so I have no real chance of finding out unless I pro-actively do something about that. What I'd like to discuss here now is, whether or not anyone has any experience of being in a similar situation and what they have done and what has happened, to help me figure out how to act on this.I am at university, so far over 18, and so is she (clearly) - to avoid any confusion.
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused  +, writes (2 October 2012):
 you said she is A female teacher at your university and "but I don't really follow class with her "
does this mean that she is not YOUR teacher?
because that means my answer would be different.....
if she is YOUR teacher in YOUR class then it's off limits..
if you met her some other way I have no issue with you having a relationship with a person who happens to be a teacher at a university you happen to attend.
BUT monogamous is monogamous.... which means you must not have anything romantic with anyone without first clearing it with your boyfriend.
A
female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (2 October 2012):
 Even though you are over 18 and at university still does not mean that your teacher would be allowed to engage in any sort of personal relationship with you. Yes I am aware you are both adults, but in her line of work she is not allowed to engage in any personal relationships with her students as she is there to teach you and be authority in the class. Now putting that to one side lets try and deal with your feelings.
You have never been with a woman before but I am guessing you have crushed on them. Which is completely normal to me. However you need to have a long think about what you want in life. You are in a long term relationship at the moment, and yes I am sure it makes this situation more difficult now that he has moved away from you but you need to decide is it him you really want to be with and if it is then you need to remain faithful to him and not try and go after anyone else. Male or female.
I think the best thing for you to do is to accept that as this woman is your teacher that nothing can happen. Tell yourself she is there to teach you and that is it. Try and keep her at a distance and not be left alone with her. The crush will get better in time if you fight it.
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A
female
reader, BondGirl72 +, writes (2 October 2012):
 You are playing with fire. I am a teacher and can speak from experience. Do you honestly think that a professional like your teacher is sexually/romantically interested in you? Your teacher's job is to teach you, not have a romantic interest in you. I am sorry to burst your bubble, but whether she is interested or not, she will not pursue you because she is a *professional*. I realize that in some circles there is a romantic notion that this can happen, but if she takes her job seriously, she will not ruin years of study and achievement to *reach out* to you.
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