A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I need some tips and tricks on how to keep my niece, a highly intelligent, high-energy (probably ADHD) 26 month old toddler busy while I'm babysitting her. I am also watching her 8 month old brother who is already standing, crawls super fast, and fusses if I leave him in his playpen with his toys. (he is easygoing, super happy, and does not have ADHD and is easy to take care of). She is not gentle with him. She likes to knock him over, steal whatever toy he is playing with, sits on him, and entertains herself by putting her feet on his face (while she is lying down) and pushing him down with her feet over and over. She does this when I am busy making her lunch, or trying to put dishes away, whenever my attention is not on her she makes a beeline for baby brother to antagonize him until he fusses and she gets my (negative) attention.TV does not keep her attention for long periods of time. She pays attention to songs. She loves music and will sing along to the songs on the leap frog episodes I put on for her. She can count to 10, knows her basic colors, knows some shapes, and all of her ABCs. She cannot sit still long enough for us to read a 6-8 page kid's book together, but a 24-pack of crayons or me blowing bubbles can keep her busy for up to 30 minutes. After 5 minutes with crayons, she begins to kick them everywhere and color on things other than paper. She can even do four-five piece puzzles. But nothing keeps her attention for long except water and taking her swimming or letting her take a bath is an ordeal with a 15+ minute tantrum at the end.I need some way to engage her. I need some way to discipline her as well. We were raised with spankings, which did not work on me. My nervous system is wired weird and sharp pain has always felt good to me. My niece is the same way. A swat to the butt gives her the giggles. When she gets really upset, she bangs her head on the floor. This is something I did and something I'm ashamed to admit I still do (rarely now, but it happens) when I am angry and frustrated to the point of feeling like I am going to explode.I saw a happy mother with three little boys over the weekend. The way that she was able to handle them with a smile and patience left me longing to be like her. As of right now, my behavior towards my niece has me feeling like i've turned into my mother. I never wanted to be like her. She never had time for us, was always angry, always doing other things and leaving us to play by ourselves while she ran a business from the home office. She didn't even realize that I reversed my pronouns (you/your meant i/me) for the first couple of years that I spoke. Her sister was the one who set me straight...i was humiliated that I'd been wrong.So, what are some things that I can do to help keep my niece busy? What are some ways that I can work with her on curbing negative behaviors that does not include yelling or physical discipline? How can I make sure that she gets the positive attention she needs while we spend time together? What is the best way to deal with a tantrum? Finally, what can I do to try and get close to the mind-set the mom that I saw with her 3 little boys had? My biggest frustration with my niece is she has a speech/communication problem. She talks fast gibberish, and becomes frustrated and shuts down if I don't understand what she says the first time she says it.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (3 October 2012): Okey, I have a 19 year old autistic boy with mental age of 8, who also has semantic pragmatic disorder, ADHD and other things to keep me highly amused haha. I also have a 4 and half and 1year old daughters.Don't spank, I know you don't want to so that's a good start. You never get anything for a spanked child.. Get a wall chart, or make one up, get stickers, find a chair or stool you can put in the corner, tell them both. I know the baby is too young but you don't want her to think this is all her, that this is the naughty stool/chair etc and if we do something naughty we sit on the chair for two minutes until a we behave ourselves Now this is going to take patiences and routine .. If she can sit and draw nicely or listen to songs while you put the dishes away and doesn't annoy her brother she gets a sticker and lots of praise, hand clapping and wow wow, If naughty it's the I'm disappointed with you face and point to your face and say, how do I look happy or sad. You want her to tune into you and after a while all it will take is a look and she will get it.However she is very much a baby herself with all the jealousy and I want time phase that brings, so it's patience patience patience galore here.And from what you put you seem to have a knack so stick with it.. Your doing a grand job already.. We all have aspects in us that remind us of our mums, good and bad. I was lucky I had a fabulous mother . But you are you and you understand your niece as you can pinpoint behaviour that you also did and still do.. Be there for her understand her and love her as you are doing And when you finish there pop up and watch mine, only teasing. But you are someone I would find trustworthy and I'm very selective on who watches my children. I didn't go out for 7 years at one time didn't have anyone I trusted to watch my boy..Take care, you have your hands full..
A
female
reader, shrodingerscat +, writes (3 October 2012):
 My kids are 2 years old and 3 years old, both girls. My oldest girl is sometimes aggressive and mean to her little sister, and it's a completely normal part of toddlers growing up."Corner time" is the method we use to discipline her. Spanking only tells children that it's okay to hit when they're mad, which will only increase her aggression and physicality.As for keeping her busy, you need a variety of activities and keep switching them when she gets bored of one or the other. Children her age do well with "free play", which is time for her to do whatever she fancies, so make sure you're not structuring her time too much or she might get frustrated and easily distracted.Dealing with a tantrum takes patience and the ability to stay calm under stress. We usually deal with tantrums by shaking our heads and saying things like "I can't understand you when you talk like that. Can you speak calmly for me, please?" Often children throw tantrums when they don't feel understood or heard, so give her the communication direction to speak calmly and slowly. That usually helps.
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