A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Okay, here is what I need advice on. I've been seeing this girl for almost 2 years. the last 8 weeks has been the hardest. She has a friend that lives in San Fransisco. 8 weeks ago she goes up to hang out with her friend. She likes to go out to clubs with her. When she comes home she tells me she slept at her friends boyfriends house. He had a party and they all got drunk. I tried not to get jelous. So 3 weeks goes bye. everything is going fine. She tells me she is going to go up there again and stay at his house with her friend again. I say. "can i go" she tells me that her friends bf dosent want me to come. I get really mad and figure she is going to play me. I beg her not to go. She goes anyways. So i get pissed off and say some messed up things. And breakuup with her. Even though i dont want to. I get crazy and call her over and over again. Finnally she calls me back on sunday night on her way home. She spent 2 nights up there. So i figured she was hooked up. She lies to me and says no. Of course. And we get back together. Then right before the weekend she breaks up with me. Because I have a temper and said she was mad about what i said to her the week before. She takes medications for panic attacks and bi polar. Says she has to take more medication when she is with me. I get pissed and she goes to san fran again. stays the night and comes back. Then i go to her house on monday we have sex and get back together. We are always doing this. We both love each other. But there are a lot of obsticalls in our way. I look through her phone while she is in the shower and see she has been calling this guy. And theres a text message saying "i had a good time with you this weekend" i keep this a secret. But i do write down the number. She tells me she cant do this anymore before right before the weekend again. So i say "is that because of this person" how do you know about that person. I looked through your phone. Then we fight. She goes up there. she says there is a guy down in san fran. but she dosent really like him. that they havent slept together yet and she just goes up there because her best friend is moving to fresno in a couple of weeks so she wants to spend time with her. i tell her not to go. she does. she comes home and I show up at her place on monday night. We make love. She opens up to me and we get back together this time for good. Well at least for 2 weeks then she tells me that she did have sex with him but used a condom im hella pissed because she lied and i was getting her too so i felt angry i cussed her out and broke up with her. she goes back up to san fran the next weekend says its her friends last week there. I dont belive her. I think she is going to see this guy. I ask her she says she dosent know. So i wait until the time I though that they would be hanging out and i call himI leave message describing the last 8 weeks. how basically we had both been having sex with her. me without condoms and how she lied. he diddent even know about me obviously. She calls me on her way home from san fran. Pissed. said thanks a lot. I had something good going and you ruined it even though i might not have liked him that much i was starting too. I had to sleep on the couch and he dosent ever wanna see me again. said tell your bf not to call me again. he even changed his number but then i called today and its back on. i figure okay now its over for good no way she is still going to want me. Well just last night she came to pick up her stuff she did say she was lonely. We end up having sex again. and she tells me she misses me and she loves me more than anything but we both know were not together. But I think we will sleep together now and then. I want her back though. I do love her. I feel like I might have a chance to win her back this time. I just have to play it right. Why would she sleep with me after all the hurtful things ive done to her. I know that at some point I did bring this on myself. I do love her. I think I wont act jelous anymore if she does get with this guy. If she is with him and like him. Why would she have sex with me. We do have the best sex ever together and we are very comfertable with each others nakedness and sexual desires. Sometimes I think its just all the weight of the world keeps us from being together. what do you thing
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (24 November 2007): wow dude how much sex can you have in 8 weeks? but when you feel somethings going on don't assume stuff just talk to her and tell her that your concerned about her but don't go to soft then she'll say "well it's been fun" or something like that if i doesn't work then it's my fualt
A
male
reader, rcn +, writes (27 October 2007):
 You need to leave this one alone. She's the one who's playing games with you, you didn't bring it on, but you're allowing it to happen.
Sometimes you may love someone, but it doesn't mean it will work out. This one would not. She's too easy, she knows she can have more than one item from the menu and she takes advantage of it. When you keep taking her back, your validating her behavior saying "it's ok for you to have others too. I'll take you back because I love you."
You need to quit being this weak. Find someone who wants to be with you, who doesn't believe being unfaithful is an option. If you win her back, the outcome you had this last time, will be the outcome you'll experience again.
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A
male
reader, Richard_EMids  +, writes (27 October 2007):
 You are on the end of a piece of string - she gives it a little tug and you're there. To lose you again or get you out the way she just does something you don't like - you get mad and finish it - she is a free agent - goes and does what she wants. Little tug on the string again - up you pop. Look at the facts : It didnt take much for you to catch her out , she has got careless in last 8 weeks, most people are a lot more careful if they're cheating. She has been done this to you before is my guess. She was probably a lot more careful to begin with but it was so easy she got complacent. Think back - anything strange happen before?
How do you believe her now? What do you want to do - marry someone who cheats and lies??? The other guy did the right thing. You're left with the faulty model.
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A
female
reader, tulipdame +, writes (27 October 2007):
This her sleeping with you and another guy and lying to you thing - not good. Not to mention dangerous. You need to grow a backbone and stop sleeping with her whenever she's lonely. Then stop doing mean things to her or whoever you are going to be with next because it justifies other mean things done to you and just complicates things. If you two are ever going to be together it will be from you both being strong, not weak. You are both being weak right now. Though maybe you won't ever be together... who knows. Certainly you don't.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (26 October 2007): You both need to dump each other. Stop wasting time and move on.
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