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female
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anonymous
writes: Hi everyone... long distance relationship advice please????My boyfriend and I see each other every two weeks - we live in different countries. We have been doing this for two years. I always feel like I have to be the person who organises when we will do our trips to see each other - we cant do it religiously every two weeks, sometimes one of us has to be somewhere else and so we will maybe see each other two weeks in a row after a two week gap - it does take a bit of organisation. But I honestly feel like if i didnt say to him "come on, lets book our flights before it gets really pricey, when can we do..." he would actually just not bother at all!!!!Last night I asked if he wanted me to come to a party that his friend had invited me to over there and he said "Yeah, sure, if you want to..." I got annoyed and asked why he was so indifferent and he just said "What? WHy are you annoyed, I said, come if you want to, sure!"GRRRRRR why is he so annoying? I know he loves me but why be so indifferent? I know I should say "Right, sod you then" and leave it and not see him - but then I wont see him for a month, and I will be miserable. What, please, is the answer? xxx
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female
reader, Toria +, writes (24 October 2006):
 Sometimes one person in the relationship kinda takes over the main role to be the one that makes the plans in the relationship and when this happens the other person gets lazy as the job is being done for them, or it could just be he is one of those guys that doesn't always show his intensity in what he is saying therefore making it sound like he isn't bothered either way.
I was once involved with a guy that I just felt I was the only one that cared about seeing each other or doing things together as he never suggested nothing I then sat back and though fine I'll leave it to him and see how long it takes him and it took a long time to actually mention it and when he did he accused me or not caring anymore as, as far as he was concerned this was the way we always done it and I was unfair to change things.
You need to talk to him and explain how you are feeling and tell him his lack of emotion in these things shows to you lack of concern.
Good luck :o)
A
female
reader, Evangeline  +, writes (23 October 2006):
 From experience I've found that some men are just like this. You've been seeing him for a while and you sound like you've both got 'confortable' in your roles. He probably doesnt even realise hes annoying you - he wont see it like that at all.
Be careful you dont nag him about it - he doesnt see it as a problem and therefore any complaints you have will seem like your nagging etc.
Why not give it a rest for a few weeks, have time to do what you want with friends. I have a long distance relationship although we live in the same country I only really see him once every two weeks, and they are very stressful and can get intense. You must make sure you have sometime where your not constantly thinking about booking flights etc - I know your desperate to spend time doing this because you want to see him, but its much healthier and will give you a lot more confidence if say, you chat to him once or twice a week where you don't ask about flights and seeing each other. He does want to see you and he would bother to organise it, but has got so used to you doing it, he probably just doesn't feel he needs to make the effort. If he sees that your not rushing to everytime you speak then he will eventually catch on - (dont be worried if this takes a weeks/month or so we know how slow some guys can catch on!)
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A
female
reader, xxxsoulsistaxxx +, writes (23 October 2006):
 I am not a fan of long distance relationships and don't believe they are ever very successful. For me, two people in love need that regular contact and intimacy to keep the love strong. Simply seeing each other every now and then isn't even enough for friends, never mind lovers. Things are always going to start growing old, it takes time and effort to keep the fire burning.
It sounds like he might be getting bored of the whole thing. You have totally different lives apart and don't really spend that much time together. Maybe he's sick of all the travelling and messing around. Although he loves you, is it not possible that something needs to be done before he walks?
Maybe I'm wrong: maybe he just needs a kick up the bum and be told to start making an effort. If he's used to you doing everything, maybe this is the case. However, I think you both need to have a good talk on whether or not this is what you want to continue doing.
Good luck and I hope you both make the right decision.
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