A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I am in a long distance relationship. It has been one year since we met and also almost one year of the relationship!He is the best guy I could ever dream of being with.. he is just perfect.. we are very happy together. He is working at a place where his old firm is. And since it has been long he is going to meet his old friends this weekend. One of them is a girl in HR whom he is friends with. She is single. And they are not very close friends but they knew about each other personal lives and tried to help each other during tough times. My guy had a relationship before which didnt work out and this girl helped him during that time to negotiate stuff to some level... and he did the same to her. It has been two years since then.She has been calling him 2-3 times to help her get a better job. And yesterday she called asking him to meet up.I don't know why it freaked me out. The very thought of them spending time together. I told him about this that it is making me uncomfortable and he said there is nothing like this since he is going to meet with other guy friends also and moreover he doesn't have time to meet them separately. I thought he probably should not have said that. I kind of reacted a lot and he then explained it all that that girl is not like this etc. And he is not a kid that anybody would get their way through him.. and she is not a kid too. There would nothing of the sort of 'flirting' over there.I felt very shallow after all this but still felt justified I dont know why.... and we talked and he said there is nothing to worry. I felt fine till he said 'what if I had not told you about her call and this meet-up...?'He scared me like anything.. although the moment ended lightly. I told him how did you even get this thought n he laughed.But it is ringing inside me.. that he even thought of it just to avoid a long conversation on this topic or was he teasing me only........He is very open.. shares everything and is truly committed to me. He is not a guy with a frivolous attitude. He is very mature and understands the value of our relationship. My parents know about him and we would be getting married next year. So it is not that I don't trust him.. but I am feeling really restless as to why he said that thing..... means there is a problem with me and he thought of avoiding it altogether.......... that is something to worry about or not? Also I am feeling kind of guilty coz of that whole conversation... I judged that girl just like that.. I dont know what he must be thinking of me... I dont think I have a problem with her.. I told him something very generalised............ but not feeling very peaceful right now.......... what do I do.. should I talk to him again about this and apologise and explain myself better without pinpointing... and should I ask him about that 'not telling me' statement of his or leave the matter here?
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male
reader, EyesofJag  +, writes (21 September 2011):
Breathe. It sounds like you are really stressing out over this.Trust...it's clear that it's all about trust. I would not stress over that question at all. It sounds like he was just merely asking you about what your reaction would have been because you were already showing signs of stress about the whole ordeal. It doesn't sound like he mentioned it to truly test you.It seems like the answer is right in front of you...you trust him and he trusts you and you both love each other. Long distance can be a very hard test to see if you guys truly belong together, but it starts out with a strong base. It sounds like you guys have a strong base.It's good that you communicated your discomfort. Try not to judge negatively, even though it is easy to.My opinion is to leave the matter alone and just talk to him and enjoy his conversation like any other time. Reassure yourself about everything. He's there for you and he's honest....couldn't ask for more. :-)
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