A
female
age
41-50,
*igerlili14
writes:Hi. I find myself in a very stressful emotional situation. I’m currently living outside of the United States away from Family and Friends, in a country in Africa actually. I have been living here for almost 9 months and I never imagined it would be so emotionally hard to get used to living by myself in a foreign country. The dating scene here is very difficult… everyone around in my social circle is here on temporary work contracts, so seeing people come and go is the norm. This dynamic changes the way people relate to one another and the degree of value given to relationships. It is no surprising to constantly hear people, especially men say that none of their relationships are serious, especially the ones they establish with locals, and is common practice to date and have sex with numerous people at once (quite scary given the context). It took me a few bad dates and “dating” episodes to realize this. Even with this, I’ve realized that I do not want to be alone… feeling lonely away from people that truly care for you is a hard, emotionally exhausting experience. It was then that I decided to open myself to a “relationship” with someone that was leaving in 5 weeks. We had some wonderful experiences, we traveled, shared weekends; finally my 3 bedroom apartment did not feel so huge and empty. It was strange to be with someone knowing that it was ending… definite expiration date.Well, now I find myself thinking about him a lot. When he left, he was the one to say that we should keep in touch. Once he arrived to his new job site, within a week from departing, he emailed me to say hello and that he was finally settling, to share a little on his new life etc, and that he hoped to hear from me. So I responded 2 days later, since we had been using our work email and he had attached his personal account. That email was sent 3 weeks ago and I have not heard from him since then. Now I feel that I would have preferred to not hear from him at all. It would have been easier to just box this experience into a fun, inconsequential fling. I never learned to have sex just for fun… I like the strings that come attached with it. I like caring and feeling that this other person cares for me, but I guess it is a lot easier to just go around using people to occupy space, share a bed, and feel less lonely.I think the situation that I’m living in is what made me fall or become so attached so quickly… I am 30 years old and part of a field of work where there are a lot of single women in their late 40’s and 50’s. I know that I do not want to be one of them. My last relationship ended because I left the US, he felt that I had chosen my career over him. Now I’m afraid I will be alone for the rest of my life. I guess my question is if I should email him again to his work email…to ask if he received my message on his personal account. Am I just feeling desperate and I should just realize that this ended and that what I thought was a friendship meant nothing to him at all? Am I looking for a resolution that at the end of the day will not change anything in my life? I just don’t know what to do…Thank you for reading and for your advice. Reply to this Question
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female
reader, Denise32 +, writes (7 August 2011):
 Has it occurred to you that he might be very busy with settling in to his new assignment and duties?? We don't know if that's why you haven't heard, but it's possible. Also possible that he did NOT receive your reply on his personal account.Anyway, I don't think you have anything to lose by sending again - perhaps to both accounts - or, better yet, try picking up the phone and see if you can talk in person. After all, it has been three weeks, so he will hardly think you are "bugging" him - you're not, and so long as things were going well during the time you were together....Would here be an opportunity to meet from time to time where he is working now? Let us know what happens.....good luck.
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