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anonymous
writes: I am a 25 year old gay man who has been in a serious relationship for just
overy 2 years, My partner is 45 but is very young looking and at heart.
He lives in manchester i live in bristol, we did previously live together in
manchester as i moved there in order for us to be together but i then moved
back here as i was offered a very good job. We both have 100% trust & honesty
and truly love each other and have had a strong relationship so far, we spent
weekends travelling to and from bristol to manchester which has proved
difficult but made us stronger. His name is M___ and he should be moving in
with me in the new year. M___ has changed my life completely and i cant
imagine life without him, but sometimes the age scares me. When we are
together i dont think about it but when we are apart i get scared for the
future, i think i have made it an issue as when we first met i told people he
was 37 as that was what most people thought, some people can be funny so that
is why i did this, but everyone has accepted us and never commented on the age.
I have been happier than ever until recently and i just dont feel the same
about him but i dont know why. I have had 2 previous relationships where i was
treated very badly, i know that peoples feelings change over time and maybe
thats what it is but i cant work out if i love him or are in love with him,
but i feel so confused because there is no reason for this, and i started to
feel like this over night. I want to try and work it out and i have spoke to
M___ about this, so were are having a break at the mo just for a couple of
weeks. I feel that the distance has put a strain on us but made us stronger
but also M___ has invested into a business all of his money and more which
hasnt gone very well so financial issues have also been hard,, i really dont
know what to do, so im sorry to write such a long e mail but i wanted you to
have as much info as possible. I must admit that i have always prefered older
guys (like 30-late 30's) but didnt expect to fall in love with someone 20
years older than me but it just felt right and always has up until now?
Look forward to hearing from you soon
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, Nathan1  +, writes (29 December 2010):
The age gap will only become an issue if you let it. My ex is 5 years younger than me and said before we broke up that the age gap had grown between us after i turned 40, i might add that i was 42 and he 37. I proved i wasn't too old by going roller skating, something i hadn't done since i'd outgrown my skates 28 years before. He fell and busted his knee, ha ha.
The long distance shouldn't be a problem as long as you have a plan. That you can work towards living together at some point. If work or family commitments are preventing you from living together then understand each others needs and try to find a compromise. But do come up with a plan. Without one the relationship will just drift towards failure
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (3 September 2006): I have been with my boyfriend for almost two years - and there is 19 years between us - so a similar situation. I am in my early 20s and he is in his early 40s. We love each other and that is all that matters.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (2 January 2005):
Love is a powerful thing that goes beyond reasoning at times. In this case I
would say you love him and he loves you 100% you said. So what is the
matter? The fact that you keep thinking of age would matter whereas to him
its nothing. Distance really has nothing to do with since you do see each
other more or less if not use webcams and chat over the internet. The
problem is the obsession at times with the thought that hes older. Just keep
in mind that you both love each other deeply so doesn't that accomidate for
anything? Try not to think of age too much and let loose on that matter of
hand. If you can overcome that bounded of thought then there would be no
obsticles ahead of you. I would say try to overcome it since this has grown
into a issue of a break between the two and will be a hinderance for future
if it still lingers. Distract your mind from the age subject and reminisce
about the happy times you both shared and if anything he seemed like a guy
that loved you regardless of anything so you should give him the same like
that.
I hope my advice proves of any value to you and pray that you will find the
guiding light to the answer you seek~
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (1 January 2005):
Hi
Your relationship sounds very great. Age should not be a
problem at all. I think you really missing him and are
thinking a lot about him, that is why you are feeling this
way. I'm asking you not to lose this relationship.
Toleration should be the stepping stone at this moment. You
can go and experience anoter relationship with someone not
too old but the obstacles will always be there. It may not
be an age problem but something else, even worse than this
one.
Just hang in there and everything will be alwright in
future. Take care.
From Edgar Matlala, South Africa
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