| A ,
anonymous
writes: I am a 21 year old virgin and for the past 2/3 years
have been confused as to what my sexuality is.
I don't really find men attractive but the act of sex
between two men seems to turn me on. Through out these
two years I have gone from not enjoying the sight of
two men having sex to liking it and then back to not
enjoying it. Its been on my mind for so long now that
I don't know what is what and feel all messed up
inside and that I will never be myself again
From a young age I was always interested in girls and
never thought about homosexuality one bit. I had
girlfriends through primary school and one during
secondary school. However, during my time at secondary
school I had no relationships with the opposite
sex after my relationship, but not through lack of
trying even if I was a
bit shy. For some reason the ladies just didn't want
me.
I then moved up to college where I had a short
relationship with a girl that sadly did not last (2 weeks together and
then cat and mouse for a few months after)
New Year found me hooking up with 2 ladies at a New Years Eve party
A few months later I got into probably my most serious relationship to
date with a member of the opposite sex and it was rather serious. My
sexual knowledge increased dramatically in this time although I never
did sleep with her. We were on and off for around 3 months before it
finally fell apart. During this time I was besotted and was enjoying
myself participating in sexual acts with her
It was then around this time that I found a gay
chat room. I originally went onto this room to pretend
to be women looking for others on there so that I
could talk dirty to them (how sad) but eventually
worked my way over to the male part of the site where
I ended up partaking in some phone sex which I ended
up liking which then resulted in me having more phone
sex conversations with men. It only then occurred to
me that I might be gay due to this and worked myself
up into a right panic with me becoming very depressed
and resulting in me seeing a councilor about my
feelings.
I had a few meetings with this councilor but ended up
finishing them as I ended up just wanting to
get on with life and see what I eventually end doing.
I started my third year at college and I found
myself back on the chat rooms talking to men. This
time however, instead of just phone sex I went to
certain spots known where gay men were to meet and
have sex etc. I did this a few times and ended up
going to a gay sauna where I participated in a few
sexual acts (oral). I went for a second time a few weeks
later but this time found it not exciting or sexy at
all and I left. I thought this was it and that my experimentation with
the same sex was over.
This was last year and since then I have had one more
sexual encounter in which I performed oral sex. Once again I didnt
really
find the other person sexy, only the act
of sex doing it for me. I have used gay porn to get me
off but I have also used straight and lesbian porn
too.
However, over the past week to worry of me being gay
seems to have popped back into my head and I am more
depressed than ever. It seems that since I started
worrying I can only get really aroused now when I
watch gay porn, whether this is because I am in fact
gay or just because I cant shake it from my head I
don't know.
I once again kissed a girl at a party a few months ago and enjoyed that
too but nothing came of that sadly
I seem to over analyze things so I keep thinking of
reasons that I am doing X and Y etc and its killing
me. Could it be that I am only resorting to sexual
experiences with men because I am lonely? I don't
really have close female friends as they are all away at Uni so maybe the
fact
that I don't know many ladies could be it, or maybe
being a virgin has to do something with it?? Everyone needs to get some I
guess.
I have been reading a few threads on here and from what I can gather I
have not felt any closness or a so called 'crush' towards men which could
mean I am not gay, but then surely me having done stuff with men would
indicate that I am?
On the way home from Uni today I started talking to a girl I used to fancy
the pants off before I got into the gay things but I didnt really feel
anything this time round and yet I was texting my ex gf a few hours ago in
which she sent me a dirty text and it got me arroused. Could anxiety play
a big part in my confusion?
If I am gay, fine, I will come to terms with it but I just want it to be
clear to me. All this messing about in my head is wearing me down, making
me depressed and my work is failing due to it. Surely being this confused
for such a long period of time is
not normal?
View related questions:
acne, chat room, depressed, ex girlfriend, gay porn, lesbian, my ex, oral sex, period, phone sex, porn, shy, text Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (20 November 2007): Look. It's simple. If you're sexually attracted to men you're gay. To women, you're straight. To both, you're bisexual. That's what sexuality is. You can fallin love with anyone but your sexuality is your sexuality. Sorry if this is too clinical.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (16 August 2007): I have kind of the same history, but with less action.
Hmm you are fine - human. Have fun. As lond as it makes you satisfied (physical and/or emotional) stick to it. Don't think about just do it.
It's not time to end up with either partner+adopted or wife+children. Have fun do it all. =D
...............................
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (1 July 2007): I think you are predominantly straight (although obviously have gay tendancies), just need to find the right girl. You sound the same as me, in the way that your heart is with women not men, even though you have some same sex fantasies. Once the right girl comes along you will know and I honestly reckon the sex will be great and you won't be confused as to what you are. But for the mean time forget labelling yourself and maybe try not to indulge in any more experimentation, as it sounds like deep down you require a woman for a serious relationship, and what you are doing with men will never actually make you any happier, even if it may arouse you at the time.
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (12 June 2006): oh my god..this is all very confused. maybe you're bisexual.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (2 January 2005):
Honestly in my opinion there is really two reasons I can think of really why
you are confused. One would be that you are bi-sexual perhaps? Since more or
less you get aroused back and forth from both sex. Second theory would be
you are Gay/Straight but because you've experimented around more or less it
had numbed your senses as to which sex you are more surely attracted to. For
this I would advise that you sit down and reflect to yourself, look deep
inside which sex do you honestly perfer to be with (not lust wise since
peoples can experienced lust in many forms or ways and lust often is
confused with love). What you need to make sure is which sex do you perfer,
male or female. Of course if you come to terms of neutral or both your odds
are most likely Bi-sexual but do make sure you are not mistaking yourself
with lust that is clouding your judgement. And about the virginity part,
that has nothing to do with your problem, although it was amusing to me for
I too am a virgin yet I am sure enough of which sex I perfer even though I
have both straight, gay, and bi-sexual friends around me it doesn't cloud my
judgement since I focus primarily on it and know what I want. Your goal now
is to know what you want ultimately.
Good luck on your search and hopefully you would find your guiding light to
your answer~
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (1 January 2005):
It sounds like you don't have close friends around you,
people/person that you can discuss your personal life with.
Those people/person is the one that knows you more than any
doctor. Friends are the one that knows your lifestyle, your
sexual relationship type, your weaknesses, your strong
site,etc. They can even hook you up with the person they
think he/she's best for you. So look for a friend that you
really trust.
About girls, they are really interesting and beautifull.
Look for someone who will really love you for who you are
not what you are. The looks are not that important. The
important thing is when you understant each other and share
common interests. Please, please, please, don't rush
things.
I hope this letter will help you to take your own good
decisions. Whatever the decision you take will work for
you. Good luck
...............................
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