A
male
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:I met this woman almost a year ago thru work. We live in diff countries. She came to visit here in the US and stayed for a week. Amazing sex, conversation, etc, we got along fantastic. She came to visit for 2 more weeks and another amazing visit. We fell in love and she decided she wanted to move here so we could be together. We would talk and email each other all the time, txt messages, etc. we were together for 3 months. Then reality of a total life change hit.. she said she loved me very much but abruptly called off the relationship. I was hurt but I understood. We have since remained friends. We actually have opportunities to see each other a couple times a year thru work related events so why not?We are still friends and talk every day during the week, emails, IM, etc I never hear frm her on weekends so I assumed that she was seeing someone. It finally came up in conversation. She asked if I was mad I said "no" since she was there and I was here. I told her I just got done dating someone myself. She said it made her feel very jealous to hear that. She said that she cares for me very much and is very happy we are friends and she wants me in her life. Her bf knows abt me and is very jealous of me since she told him that she cares very much for me. I rarely here from her at nite or on weekends, and if I txt her she wont respond bc her bf gets mad. She said her bf makes her happy and since he is there, she wants to see where things go. She is very adamant about us staying friends. When we have a disagreement she is quick to work it out as to make sure we are still friends. But she has told me she wants to see where her current relationship goes...although, she is contimplating moving to the US for her career and makes mention of us being closer. The tricky part is we are both still very sexually attracted to each other to the point that we have started having phone sex again. She says its something about us, she cant seem to break away. She has hinted to me that she wants me to come meet her on a business trip and stay with her. But she doesnt want to come visit and ruin her current relationship? She has stated "we just wont talk about our personal lives, since she doesnt want to hear about anyone else in my life, and I dont want to hear about her bf" Mon thru Fri during work hours its like we are dating, but after work and weekends, she is with another. I get the sense she still loves me but bc of the distance, has opted to go with someone accessible there for now. Id like to see her face-2-face and have offered to meet her but she feels it would risk her current relationship and she is not ready emotionally to be around me.Im confident if I asked her to make a decision, the safe choice is her current bf.Im torn, I feel like I should try something different and walk away yet I do enjoy her friendship. I feel like Im settling, being the other guy, and that I deserve better. Im sure a lot of it is bc Im not currently dating someone. I have tried to walk away bf but eventually we start emailing each other again. Maybe if she wasnt everything I ever wanted, it would be easier to walk away. Any insight to get her to come around or should I just finally walk?
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male
reader, MVS1 +, writes (7 March 2009):
Old post but maybe it's still an issue:
If you guys have a blast together but she's hesitant about something more serious with you, that can be pretty frustrating. You two seem to have a great connection with each other, but the jealousy thing is a pretty clear indicator that, in my opinion, eventually lead to problems in a long-term relationship, and she may sense it more than you do. Plus she may not be ready for a commitment (or lack the desire to commit to one), which is common 'these days', as it seems there is a never-ending source of new and curious info out there to integrate. Walking away from it is fine, hopefully in the mean-time there is something to walk to to keep your attention on in a positive way. If you're going to keep seeing/communicating with her in the same ways, you'll probably keep experiencing the same frustration unless she is decidedly convinced, that you're the man to be with. No easy answer on this one.
A book by a guy, M. Scott Peck, M.D. might help you out a little. It's called The Road Less Traveled.
Let me know how it turned/turns out!
A
reader, anonymous, writes (18 June 2008): You don't have the egg, you have an empty shell.
I would not even call her a true friend, as she is playing with your feelings and emotions and to be blatant, she is using you.
Forget about this woman, forget about her so called "friendship" she does not deserve you.
MOVE ON.
Find yourself somebody that will love you and care for you. Somebody whom you don't have to share.
Get out there start dating and don't waste your life away with this selfish "friend".
Ignore her, stop all contact.
Best of luck.
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A
male
reader, Danielepew  +, writes (18 June 2008):
 I make Tisha-1's words mine:
"she's adamant about keeping you on the hook, squirming madly while she goes on about her life. Sounds very lop-sided to me."
You are very sexually attracted to her and you find many things in her that you just like. But, the feelings are not reciprocated. She likes you, but you're an option, one among many. Yes, you deserve much better than this, and, yes, you're making yourself unavailable to someone near you.
Bid her farewell.
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A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (18 June 2008):
 Tough situation to be in, second best is not good. Let me do a quick reality check. Let's say you do convince her to come around, move closer or even in together with you. What's going to keep her from having a cyberaffair or phone sex with another man? Would you be happy with that situation? You'd be first then, but I expect that there will always be a Plan B guy waiting in the wings for her.
You're wrapped up with a woman who is unavailable, both in terms of the distance and the fact that she is in another relationship. You've essentially made yourself unavailable to someone who does live nearby, who IS available for dating, who doesn't play games with people's hearts and heads.
You said she's adamant about remaining friends. But it seems to me that she's adamant about keeping you on the hook, squirming madly while she goes on about her life. Sounds very lop-sided to me.
If you feel you can't manage without her, give her the ultimatum, and see what happens. But if I were in your shoes, I'd walk away, for the simple reason that I could never trust her to be faithful.
Cover your heart, Indy, cover your heart!
Take care now.
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A
male
reader, jay12toes +, writes (18 June 2008):
 if you can shorten the distance then everything can work out. it seem like she likes you more then her boyfriend so if you were there then it would only make sence for her to choose you. so if you have a way of shortening the distance then it can work but if you dont then just walk away.
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