A
female
age
36-40,
*ole92585
writes:I am so confused.. my boyfriend of the last 2 years just moved out, out of the blue. We have lived together almost the entire time. We have had some money issues and he is not used to not having extra money to spend. He says he still wants to be together and he loves me, he just needs space. So he moved in with his friend who is recently separated from his wife. I do trust him to stay faithful, but I find myself wanting to call him or text him all the time, even though I know it bothers him to be bombarded with messages from me. Its been almost a week and I miss him so much..what am I supposed to do? I feel if I leave him alone the relationship will end..but if I don't give him peace that will end it also... I'm lost and have no idea how I am supposed to feel except for hurt and pain..I just want him home..
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money, moved in, moved out, needs space, text Reply to this Question
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (15 October 2010): It's tough for a relationship to survive a deescalation. You in all likelihood moved in - to be closer. So him moving out, means your relationship has stopped growing.
There is no easy way to deal with that. Relationships either grow, or die, but sometimes they go through long cycles too. You may find if you play your cards right, he will be dying to move back in. And your attitude might have changed to "take it or leave it."
Give yourself at least a month to adjust to living alone, and don't over communicate in the meantime.
A
male
reader, corbandallas  +, writes (14 October 2010):
The guy sounds like a jerk. He just ups and leaves? When there are money problems? He moves in with a buddy who has recently separated. Someone said earlier that they are probably thinking along the same lines, and I agree.
Another thing, he hasn't contacted you in a week? To me that indicates, he doesn't really care how you feel. Obviously he knows this hurts you, and that you're wondering why it has happened. I say move on. Whatever you do don't contact him. If it's true he needs space, he will get back to you.
To me it sounds like he doesn't deserve you. Thats just my opinion. Stay strong! If you're lonely spend time with friends and family. Hope that helps.
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A
female
reader, YouWish +, writes (14 October 2010):
 Ahhh...two of the things you said in your question are very telling:
1. He's moved in with a recently separated buddy. Guys makes many decisions based on what their friends are doing. If they start seeing friends "drop like flies", meaning getting married, that'll make them want to find Ms. Right. If, by the same token, they see friends drop their partners and start flying solo (and brag about how they're free of nagging, they can do what they want, etc), chances are, that'll get them thinking along the same way.
and
2. You said he's not used to money being tight. Did he go straight from his parents' house, or a college dorm to living with you? If so, he's feeling the reality of living on his own, and added to that, he has you to discuss how money is being spent. You said money was tight? Even when you're married, money can crush a relationship that isn't mature enough to work things out and make right and mutually beneficial decisions with it.
He's not mature enough for a grown-up relationship, and I think he realizes that. I don't know if he'll return to you, but you're better off letting him grow up on his own, and focus your attention OFF of him and start planning out your life and your future on your own terms, because what he doesn't realize is that YOU'RE free as a bird now.
Make the most of the free air you're breathing and while you're at it, breathe a sigh of relief that you didn't marry the immature guy. I guarantee that his friend isn't going to put up with him hanging there for long.
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A
female
reader, person12345 +, writes (14 October 2010):
 The only thing you can do is give him his space. Don't call or text AT ALL unless he contacts you first. Let him have his space. If that's the reason he left, then if you give him his space he'll realize what he's missing and come back. If you smother him with texts while he's gone, that's a sure way to ensure he doesn't come home.
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A
male
reader, slimfish  +, writes (14 October 2010):
 i hope i'm wrong, but i feel he has used you.
no doubt you have contributed to the coffers and done housework etc.
now that money is tight he wants to go his own way.
you may find in time , you are well rid of him.
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A
female
reader, TasteofIndia +, writes (14 October 2010):
 Well, the best I can tell you is to not call and give him the space that he needs. If he's actually breaking up from you, he will disconnect. If he honestly just needs some breathing room and space to think about your relationship, he'll be back. Phone calls and contact will not ensure togetherness, in fact it will probably push him farther away.
Spend some time being sad, then pick yourself up, dust yourself off and start all over again. Good luck!!
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