A
female
age
36-40,
*eserves2BLOVED
writes:I was in a relationship for ~8years. In JULY 2012 HE kicked me out of his house. Then wen me and my son had no place to live he paid for my ticket back to live at his house and raise our son. We r not together anymore. During those past years he was and still is physically and mentally and verbally abusive. I am a somewat domestic violence abuse survivor. We agreed to raise our child and i to "live in his house" when i came back he was all over me i resisted and HE NEVER TALKS ABOUT BEFORE HE DOES THINGS. Then after we have been having sex not together he plays "drama queen" and asks to talk to me hes crying and claiming people r saying i have a "g/friend" like it would really damage his reputation! i ask him after his drama wat r u doing having sex w me and were not together? he says i guess i miss it i assume u miss it too. NEVER GIVES ME A STRAIGHT ANSWER. I explained to him wat am i ur sex buddy, friends w benefits he played dumb. anyways i still live w the abusive guy and my son, and havent told him where to shove I KNOW I KNOW WEN I GROW MY BALLS I WILL. OPINOINS AND TIPS OR THOUGHTS STILL APPRECIATED! THANKS
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (25 May 2013): You should really decide your worth and give yourself a good life, yes! give 'yourself' and your child a good life. He will never be of any good to you but to be fair, it is you who allows him to treat you like an idiot. You are not really a survivor of domestic abuse, 'survivors' come out, alive' you are only living a bit of your life and love is dead, how long do you think you can survive this lifestyle?Set an example to others, and don't be treated like this, end the relationship or whatever it is and re-build your life, love, trust, and self esteem/respect.Above all give your child a happy childhood, trust me, it does hurt the children who grow up in this. I am a child survivor of living amongst domestic abuse and my mother is a survivor of domestic abuse, physical mental emotional phycological.If you can't do it for you, do it for your child.My childhood was filled with dread, fear, anxiety, clinging to my mother, crying at the top of the stairs with MY hands over my ears asking them to stop!!! standing in bare feet and nightie in the garden with my mother shaking and hiding in shame from the neigbours who often phoned the police. You have CHOICE your children have to live with your choice,had i had choice i would not choose hell.Don't do it to your children and don't do it to yourself, be brave and enjoy been free and single without all the trash,wait for love. Do things you never would do with him, take holidays, study, do a charity parachute jump, go on camping trips with your child and friends, have fun, live alot and laugh a lot. Don't choose hell. Good luck and be happy.
A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (23 May 2013):
 OP, what opinions do you want ? what do you want us to say ?
You know it all already. You know what you should do, and we can only repeat what you already know you should do : take your son and move out.
Who frigging cares what this guy is ,wants or thinks, he was/ is physically, verbally, emotionally abusive, you should not be with him, end of story.
You should be focusing on moving on, and making a better life , at least emotionally if not possible in financial terms, for you and your son, and this guy can't fit in " better life " under no terms and conditions.
What difference does it make why is he having sex with you ?..Why are you even wasting mental energy thinking about the whys ? Does it really matter, when you should not even be there to begin with ?
Anyway, in his own way, he's been sincere with you, he's been clear. He has sex with you because you allow him. Every now and then he gets horny, comes home, you are there, won't say no... it's easy, it's simple , it's convenient, and I suspect he does not have too many alternatives because he sounds no prize.
Did you really expect there's a more complicated reason behind it ? Like what ?
There's no solution, atm, to your predicament, because as you have pointed out yourself, the solution is that you grow some balls and get out of his life.
Until then, try at least to stay safe and serene, and do not overthink things that are absolutely irrelevant to your wellbeing, as the whys of his sexual choices.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (23 May 2013): As long as you continue to live under the same roof as your "ex" you will continue to teach your son that men are expected to be abusive towards women and women are expected to serve as doormats for men.If the prospect of your son growing up to be exactly like his father isn't incentive enough for you to grow a pair, stand up for yourself, and do what's best for your child (which is to immediately remove him from the toxic environment in which he is silently enduring a hellish childhood) then you are as negligent as you are oblivious.
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