A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:hi aunts and uncles.... i finally got the chance to ask my ex after a year and a half of being seperated and divorced, why he left me. i wanted to know what mistakes i made so that my next relationship would not end up breaking up because of a mistake i had made. he told me i did nothing that he himself did not know what happened, he said did you ever think that it was because i wanted a baby?i knew that was part of it and i told him that. i asked what i could do to make sure that i kept the next guy LOL. he said the only thing i can tell you is that you were not demanding enough in our relationship, you should have pressed me to work harder and you should have wanted a better house, better clothes, a nicer car. well i always wanted that stuff, but he was always quiting his jobs, and my income was not enough. and the young girl that he is with i assume is pushing him for all that stuff and than some. of course she is not contributing to that outcome. LOL when he finally started making good money he found a new girl and left. he than proceded to ask me who i was, and what i wanted out of life, and said there is more to life than just family and marriage. which i laughed at because he is engaged and has a baby on the way, but the only difference is is that he now has the money to have all the things we worked together through the marriage to get. this is my dilemma he said you are stronger than you give yourself credit for, you are too nice of a person you need to stand up for yourself. and your self esteem is low. i said well did you ever stop to think that you put my self esteem there? anyway than he proceded to say i am waiting on you to find yourself, if we were to ever get back together it would not be good because you dont know who you are.i dont understand that because i am who i was when i met and married him. a nice, beautiful, smart woman. no i dont have hobbies because i have always worked. but i do enjoy walks, and the beach, and romantic dinners. but im mainly a home body. and as far as my goals in life i wanted a family and a good man to grow old with, a nice home, vacations, and a good retirement income to travel in my golden years. which by the way is not too far off. why he would think that i would ever want him back i dont know... he cheated, he got a young girl pregnant and it just would not work never go backwards only forwards. anyway i was floored with what he said. he than told me to watch the secret (laws of attraction) i have yet to watch it. but guess i got at least some answers. what do you think?
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broke up, divorce, engaged, get back together, money, my ex, self esteem Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, Sageoldguy1465 +, writes (23 May 2013):
 Let me help you by interpreting what he REALLY "said" to you (I'm an expert translator of "guyspeak"....)
He SAID.... "I kinda got tired of you... and went looking for some greener grass... and believed I'd found it... AND - not incidentally - the greener grass came with a hot young "thing"... which - not surprisingly - I knocked up."
THAT is the beginning and the end of what you should take away from that converstaion.....
Meanwhile, there's nothing wrong with YOU!!! Good luck, and may you find a decent and faithful man-friend in the future.....
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (23 May 2013): The best thing for you not to "mess up any future relationship" is to stop blaming yourself for another's actions. Forgive yourself for any (if any) fault was done by you and move on.I went through the same thing you're going through right now; I just didn't ask him why... Why? Because after 10 years together he basically disposed of me in the worst possible way and a person that does this doesn't deserve 1 minute of my life. And any answer he could give me is just not going to give me any peace; on the contrary, is going to let me judge myself for what I did or didn't do. Think about it... He left, he made the decision. Now you have the choice:Do you worry about what some jerk thinks you did wrong and lose the chance to be with someone great? Or do you take charge and let go of the opinion of another and live your life?I went for the latter and I am happy. Good luck, chin up!
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A
female
reader, sugarplum786  +, writes (23 May 2013):
 I agree with the other aunt, seriously why would the fact you were not demanding be a reason to be unfaithful. He should have actually appreciated that you were prepared to work for what you wanted and not make those demands from him.
He is a real peace of work. You did nothing wrong and there is nothing wrong in terms of being accomodating in a relationship - is that not what makes a relationship work!
You deserve better than him and his opinion is not worth it, a cheater that tells his ex its her fault and something he could not work out with you!!!!!
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A
female
reader, Mariab  +, writes (23 May 2013):
 To be honest.. I think that the last person you should be looking to get life lessons from is from a cheater!
He cheated with someone younger... and now to make himself feel better...he is putting this on you! And you are seriously asking him what you did wrong??? You really need to change the angle here.
I can't believe he told you to read "the secret"... Really? He is so full of it... Don't give him reasons to justify what he did... He cheated and that's wrong! If you have low self esteem... why all of a sudden after years together did this become a problem for him? The solution is to cheat with a younger woman!?? Don't take advice from this man.. He is a fool! Good luck hun xx
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