A
female
age
26-29,
anonymous
writes:I have been going out with a man for 3 years now. We live together and He has a son whom lives with him from a previous relationship. Me and the son get on great :) and there is not issues with the boys mother. My thing is after 3 years together there is no sign of him wanting to marry me nor have children, plus he drinks to much it doesn't have to be the weekend. It's most weekdays. I left to look after his child and clean the house. He wont appear for hours and when he does he is very very rude. What should I do???? Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (6 June 2014): There is no reason for you to put up with him being rude or not pulling his weight.
But I don't see what he has done wrong in terms of commitment. Did he promise a marriage? Its 2014. He does not owe you a marriage just because he has been in a relationship with you for a couple years.
A
female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (6 June 2014):
 Wow, he got you conned good! You are the "build in" or "live in" nanny, maid and I'm sure sex buddy too.
I'm sorry you are STILL so young so to settle for a guy who ISN'T ready for marriage ( I don't think he is) or kids (even though he HAS one, I bet you it wasn't a planned child) And to top it off he is very very rude to you? Seriously?
He is still in his "I want to party and I don't want to miss out on all the fun stage" and YOU are conveniently LIVING with him so HE doesn't HAVE to mind his OWN child, no he can go party.. YOU are there to pick up the slack.
Please don't try and have children with this one. It would be a mistake.
IF you intend on staying WITH him, I would make some suggestions.
1. have CLEAR split of the chores. YOU are NOT the maid.
2. YOU need to have time off for friends and family. I know you love the little boy, but YOU shouldn't BE there primary caretaker. So TELL your BF - I'm going out with friend Friday, you need to be home with YOUR son.
And remember this, WHAT and WHO you want at 18-25 is VERY different from what you want at 25+
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (6 June 2014): Go out with your friends and don't be at home more than he is. At which point, he will have to look after his own son and spend time at home instead of drinking. At which point he will ask you why you are shirking your responsibilities and you can then say to him Ahhh, now you understand how I've been feeling for the last three years.He will either see the error of his ways and change. Or he won't.Normally I'm an advocate for discussing things diplomatically but in this case, I think it's way past that stage. He knows his behaviour is irresponsible and not loving so you won't be telling him anything new. It won't be a revelation if you tell him how you feel about the situation. You can tell him until you run out of breath but because it's not news to him it won't make a difference.Acting as I have suggested will make him understand how you feel when he's out all the time while you are taking care of the child and the home. And it will make him understand your importance in his life. He will understand what he stands to lose if he carries on like this. That is the only thing powerful enough to make him change- if you really want to stick around and go through this.
...............................
A
female
reader, oldbag +, writes (6 June 2014):
 I would hope that YOU have no plans for marriage, not to this man.
Your his babysitter so he is free to go drink.
Think long and hard about your future
...............................
A
male
reader, Easy Off +, writes (6 June 2014):
 Just sat down and talk to him about it.Most of all do you want a marriage with a rude drunk man,are you happy with that kind of life ?
...............................
A
female
reader, SeaGreen  +, writes (6 June 2014):
 Are you sure you really want to marry him? It sounds like you are having second doubts about him.
Regardless I would talk to him to see where he stands on marriage and perhaps gently bring up that you are getting worried about his drinking habits?
I wouldn't mention both on the same day and it would be wise to bring up your concern over his drinking first.
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (6 June 2014): gather up your things and leave!
...............................
A
male
reader, olderthandirt  +, writes (6 June 2014):
 My quick and dirty answer is easy; dump him for a life of your own choosing. You need not be a "fixture" in a man's life that is obviously aloof and unable to commit. Wow , I never thought I'd take a stance like that! it is not a typical male POV to see it from a woman's point of view. I guess I've been married way too long(50 yrs). The typical male POV and as was mine is;"hey, why commit when you don't have to do so. or more crudely, "Why buy the cow if you're getting the milk for free?" Examine your future and make a move but it sounds like you should be in a more stable relationship to be happy.Good luck
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (6 June 2014): Why would you wish to marry someone like this?
...............................
|
