A
female
age
51-59,
*issieas
writes:my boyfriend watches porn without me should i be worried? We went fom having sex 2 or 3 times a day to once a week if i am lucky.
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female
reader, Dorothy Dix  +, writes (15 December 2011):
Hi. Is this friend of his who moved in, male or female?
Is the porn he watches - same sex porn, or male and female porn?
Do you suspect he might be turning towards being attracted to men - instead of women?
Just some ideas you might like to consider.
A
female
reader, missieas +, writes (14 December 2011):
missieas is verified as being by the original poster of the questionthanks guys
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A
male
reader, olderthandirt  +, writes (13 December 2011):
 You are the exception to the norm, most women I know would love to find a way to reduce the number of times her man wants sex.
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A
female
reader, Miamine  +, writes (13 December 2011):
 OK, so it's not a porn issue.. it's a man who is busy with his friend and is ignoring you. That's the real problem not the sex. If the guy is a room mate and their is no space maybe your boyfriend is to shy to have sex. Or he's too busy having fun with his friend and he's ignoring you.
Should you call it quits.. depends on you and what you want. How much do you love this man, can you get him to change back and spend more time with you.
Before you discuss porn, I suggest you go and talk to him about why he prefers to spend all his time with his friend while you sit and wait alone.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (13 December 2011): You know, you should talk to him first... Tell him that you dont like this.... After that you should gives him more sex position... It will help...
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (13 December 2011): He's right, it's not you but that doesn't make things better.
It's not the porn thing then. Is his friend a girl by any chance? Regardless of the gender of this friend he's been neglecting you because of them.
You have to tell him that this isn't on anymore. Ask him if he wants to keep going in this relationship. If he says yes then you have to tell him he has to work harder to meet your needs because at the moment you're not satisfied. If agrees to all this then fine, but if he doesn't actually step up and start putting the work in then walk away.
Give it one more chance but set your terms and stick to them.
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A
female
reader, missieas +, writes (13 December 2011):
missieas is verified as being by the original poster of the questionhe started acting this way when his fiend became our roommate now every night hes with his friend while i sit/lay in bed all night alone. Nothing new has happened. He says it aint me but he wont even kiss me should i just call it quits?
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A
female
reader, person12345 +, writes (12 December 2011):
 Sounds like it. Have you tried talking to him about it in a non-confrontational way?
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A
female
reader, Miamine +, writes (12 December 2011):
No problem with him watching porn without you, many people who like porn do that, it's often a private activity. Just like masturbation, many women and men can't masturbate in front of their partner.Abuse of porn, or problems with porn often come up when the man or women no longer wants penetrative sex. This is only one indication that porn is causing them problems. In most relationships, sex at the beginning happens frequently, all the time. This is due to hormones and adrenalin, that's why we call it the "honeymoon period". Sex usually goes down in most relationships, as people become more secure, and therefore have time for other activities. Once a week sex is very normal, it's way above the average of most countries. Most people say they have sex less than this, some people report they have more.But this is about you and him.. if you want more sex, then you need to discuss it with him. Yes, porn and masturbation may mean that he wants sex with you less. (this doesn't happen to all people, some people find that porn makes they feel hornier) There's no harm in saying, "baby I'm horny, I need you more often, how about we try for 2 times a week. You don't need to look at porn so much when I ready and waiting for you to join me."If he's out of the house, how do you know he's using porn? Does he tell you, or do you go try to find evidence on his computer?Porn watching is often a private activity, mostly because people are taught to only masturbate in private. If the woman and man are both willing, then porn can be a shared activity and can be lots of fun.Again, if he's stressed at work or in the relationship, porn and solo masturbation looks more attractive. But your situation seems normal to me. Weekly sex after a year, man looks at porn in private, but is still able to have sex.. All this is normal and happens in many relationships.From what you say, I wouldn't be worried.
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A
female
reader, missieas +, writes (12 December 2011):
missieas is verified as being by the original poster of the questionwe have been together for a year. And he never watched it before. He watches it everytime i leave.
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A
female
reader, Miamine +, writes (12 December 2011):
More information would help.
How old is he?
How long have you been together?
When did sex start to decline?
How often is he watching pornography? (take a guess)
Is he having other problems, at work, with family, with you?
Does sound like he might be abusing porn, but at the moment you haven't given us enough information to guess what it going on.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (12 December 2011): I'd ignore the porn thing for now if you don't have a moral objection to him using it and talk to him about your preferred frequency of sex.
Talk to him first OP. Porn is not sex to most of us, it's masturbation and we tend to do that regardless of the frequency we have sex as a quick release thing.
Talk to him first, see if he will up his game and see if there are ways you can entice him to do so.
Failing that revisit the porn thing as it may be making things worse but try everything else first OP.
I watch porn a lot without my girlfriend too it never effects my libido but it can the odd time ruin my performance if my girlfriend wants sex after I've had a wank.
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A
female
reader, Dorothy Dix +, writes (12 December 2011):
Hi there. The internet porn watching, probably is nothing to do with sex or you, at all.
What it is about, is him feeling his life is missing something.
He might feel that outside of his work, that he has no other real interests.
It's partly boredom.
He needs to find a purpose to his life.
We all need that, it's what gives our lives meaning.
Perhaps he could find some kind of hobby. Maybe he could help others less fortunate, that would be extremely rewarding.
If he finds an interest first, that's a good place to start.
What I am really saying here is, to make his life as interesting and fun as it can be. A reason to get out of bed every morning.
Something to look forward to.
At the moment for him, watching internet porn is only a way of killing time, and nothing more.
He needs something more meaningful than that.
So he has some research to do.
You will find that once he has passion in his life, that your sex life will almost certainly return to what you would call normal once again. Maybe it will be even better.
When a person is generally happy and fulfilled in their lives, it affects all other parts of their life across the board - in a very positive way.
And when he does find happiness and fulfilment on a daily basis, he will be much more relaxed as well.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (12 December 2011): I am somewhat of an authority on this as I used to view porn alone and it did reduce the frequency of sex with my partner. I knew it was bad for me and our relationship but I was addicted. He may be too. Once I stopped looking at porn alone I decided to watch it with my partner and it has been great. Once I started watching it with partner then I didn't want it while alone or much at all after that. It brought me back to the REAL lover in my house. Talk to him. It will make your lives better all the way around.
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A
female
reader, SpiritStones +, writes (11 December 2011):
 Hello, firstly let me tell you that this is not about you directly. A lot of women worry about men looking at porn because they think they are not good enough or sexy enough. That is not why men look at porn. When men first start out having sex as a young man they often turn to porn, this helps them understand women but at the same time it gives men a false view of how women really are. If a man is looking at porn later on his life it is normally because he cannot express himself in the relationship and so goes back to those early days of how he used to feel when watching it, when it was a 'safe' thing to do. This is no reflection on you, as we all have to accept our own behaviors in our relationships. Invite your boyfriend to talk to you about what he likes and what turns him on. Ask him lovingly why he watches it and what he gets out of it. He may want to try things that he is to scared to ask you to do.I don't think you should worry, a lot of men look at porn, as do women, but you will find the more you talk about what you want to do, the less he will watch. Remember men want to feel sexy and loved just as we women do, so talk, make him feel special and share what you would like to do also. Good Luck.
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