A
female
age
36-40,
*inkkitty23
writes:First I'll explain the sitch...So I've been seeing this amazing guy that I'm crazy about and that scares me.. I hate when I guy gets a hold of your heart and breaks it.. and he's getting there.. so the other night when I was home with my ex I started to sleep with him.. I felt horrible.. I did it to sabotage the relationship only to regret it and realize how much I really didn't want to lose him mr. amazing...so after some thinking I called him in the morning after the incident and told him.. he took it rather well said he wasn't happy about it but that we weren't exclusive and that he didn't consider it cheating(personally I do)..and that he wouldn't be surprised cause a few nights before he didn't "perform" up to his standards he then told me it was up to me what I wanted, to see him see where it goes or go back to my ex of course I wanted him and I told him so and he said we were ok.. its been a day .. so my question is what next? Do I act like everythings normal??Go up and kiss em etc like normal.. I feel like if i did it'd be like taking the whole ordeal lightly..or should I be apprehensive and let him make the first moves?? We work together so if he doesn't ask me out like usual I'll probably see him by the end of the week? Feedback ?? What would you do?? Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, pinkkitty23 +, writes (8 September 2011):
pinkkitty23 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionSoo I saw em at work!! He took the day off but asked me out that same day he came in for a meeting..spotted me and got a huge smile came up and we chatted for an hour or so it all turned out for the better :) We talked established some better guidelines for our relationship, took a step, and I'm not really afraid as much lol When I went over his place he had classical music playing !! My fav type of music said he'd been listening to it for the past few days and he's making dinner tonight can't wait :) Thanks for all your replies :)
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (8 September 2011): this is not good. Some bells can't be un-rung. if he was serious about you, then now that you've cheated on him he's gonna reconsider if he shouldn't be investing in this relationship and that's possibly why he was so casual when you confessed to him, it's cos he was thinking to himself "oh i was wrong about her, she's not someone I should be with cos she sleeps around"
or else he really has always just seen you as just a FWB and that's why he was so casual about the whole thing. But now this just further establishes you in his mind as nothing more than a FWB.
Either way I think you blew it with this 'amazing' guy. He may still be happy to see you but realize that he's probably gonna treat you as just a FWB from now on. you should learn your lesson so you don't repeat it with your next relationship.
...............................
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (7 September 2011): You met this amazing guy, in your mind anyway, but he clearly is not that into you or he'd be rather upset about this.He clearly doesn't consider you a commitment yet, and you clearly doesn't consider you one.You did something that you clearly consider cheating, and he clearly doesn't.So, do you think you have a pass on this? No, you don't, I think that much is clear.However, he clearly does, from what you write, he thinks he has a pass on this.Speaking from experience, of being married for a number of years, this is not a good start to any relationship. Nor is a good offer to extend a serious committed relationship. This relationship has a huge red flag on it, and he's waving it in your face, and you are somehow messed up here mentally.My advice, for what it is worth, break it off from both guys, work on understanding yourself and why you cheated, because it is cheating and you know it even if he doesn't consider it so, do a lot of reading on cheating in relationships, change yourself, and then go back to dating and relationships armed with that knowledge.Good Luck.
...............................
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (6 September 2011): If you were looking to be exclusive with Mr. Amazing, telling him you slept with your ex will now only confirm your role as his sex buddy. I think you were trying to test him and put some fear into him so he'd commit or else..
That's not how you get a boyfriend. It's how you stay a casual sex partner!
...............................
A
female
reader, Mariab  +, writes (6 September 2011):
 I think you are testing Mr. Amazing to see how much he really cares for you. You were seeing each other, then you assumed that he would break your heart .. so you decided to sleep with someone else and tell the guy in the morning. NOT FAIR!
I think you should now just let him deal with this. I don't believe that he is really as casual about sleeping with the ex as he is making it out to be. Thats gotta hurt! Let him make the first move now. I bet that since you pulled out the first weapon...expect a response...if not now... some point down the line. I wouldn't expect too much from the guy given whats just happened to him. Good luck xx
...............................
A
female
reader, Aunty Monica  +, writes (6 September 2011):
I think you are taking this 'relationship' a bit too seriously and you need to take it easy and slow down.Take small steps, allow him to make the first move a take cue from him.If he does not want to be exclusive then accept that and see where it goes from there but he obviously does not feel like you do at least not now.
...............................
A
female
reader, Moo's Mum  +, writes (6 September 2011):
 I think you've probably done the right thing by telling him straight away. Keep in mind that famous quote "it is better to be loved and lost than never to have loved at all" Yes love is risky but it is also fantastic and good for the soul. Don't be afraid of getting hurt because you will never give all of your true self. If your heart does get broken just go with it, grieve and learn the lessons you are supposed to from the situation.
...............................
|
