A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:Dear cupid i am married to my husband who i love so much and the other day i called into his work and caught him coming out of the bathroom at work with a dirty mag and i was upset and he was not bothered that i was upset but it made me feel inadequate as we hardly ever get intimate with each other and i want to be intimate with him as much as i can but we only seen to make love about 3 or 4times a month he says he is tired all the time.what has bothered me most about the dirty mag is when i said was it a dirty mag he said so what.i was upset.i just feel like he has gone off me.
View related questions:
at work Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (30 September 2011): thats why the created playgirl, madam..if he can look, so can you
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (17 September 2011): Many guys look at porn, even in a committed and loving relationship, that is perfectly normal and personally I don't think that should be he issue here. What is the issue is that you clealy have difering sex dives for some reason, sit down and talk with an open mind and try to be honest with each other about your feelings.
And while I don't think it is bad that he uses pron nessiserially, his reaction to you finding out wasnt positive, he should care how it makes you feel and respect those feelings.
...............................
A
male
reader, Sageoldguy1465  +, writes (6 September 2011):
 The magazine is only of little importance in your whole submittal.... and you should be prepared to drop your objection to it... IF you can open up, with him, the issue of why you are not getting adequate sex...... Work on that, first....
...............................
A
male
reader, IHateWomanBeaters +, writes (6 September 2011):
 It is unacceptable that he is jerking off yet refuses advances from his wife, just like it would be unacceptable for her to refuse advances from he husband to only turn around and masturbate to a picture of a hot guy.
There is a problem. Do not allow someone to go down the path where they close in and don't get any sex and force their partner and supposed love to not have sex either.
If I ever lose that urge, which I won't, I expect my wife to have sex with someone else.
If you ever can get it up and you have a bad magazine and you have a wife, do not stick it in between fingers, stick it in between two sets of lips or a nice set of cheeks.
Talk to him. Tell him you want to try something new or just do something really crazy that would make you unable to be resisted.
If he does snap out of it, great!
If he doesn't, seek counseling and if that does not work then divorce him.
You are between 41-50.
A marriage requires both people commit, not just one.
And I would say the same thing about a woman.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (6 September 2011): Such magazines are a little bit of fantasy. Same as when your guy looks at $500,000 cars he cannot afford. Same as when I look at multi million Dollar homes in a magazine. Or if we look through travel brochures and speculate what it would be like to stay in a suite at a resort costing $25,000 a night. It's a little bit of fantasy. He's having his little bit of fantasy.Everyone needs a little fantasy sometimes. It makes life more interesting.And not being too prudish nor judgemental about it helps the guy enjoy his fantasy.Getting unsettled or, perish the thought, disappointed, or even worse - jealous of pictures on a piece of paper does your relationship no good at all.You need to be more proactive than that.So give him a little surprise, or two.Change your hair color and get a new hair cut.Upgrade your lingerie, buy a saucy but tasteful night gown. One that goes right to the ground and has a plunging neckline. If the children are still around then ask a reliable relative to babysit the children for the night at the friend's home. Make a nice meal that can be eaten now or later. The meal may have to wait quite a while before you are able to serve it. Or preferably make a series of smaller snacks that you can heat up and hand feed him later. Give yourself a long luxurious soak in the bath, ensuring you are relaxed as relaxed can be. Not uptight. Ensure your skin is smooth and smells divine.Meet him at the door, wearing just your lingerie and the highest heels you feel you can manage.Lead him to the bedroom, trust me, he will not be too tired.Feed him some peeled grapes. As he comes to feel more frisky he will be thinking about you not his magazine. The rest is up to you.
...............................
A
female
reader, blackdiamond  +, writes (6 September 2011):
please don't be upset its ok and normal for guys and girls
...............................
A
female
reader, chickpea2011 +, writes (6 September 2011):
 Hi,
I understand how this upset you, but honestly I think you are making it an issue when it shouldn't be. Of course, people have different opinions, morals, character and standards, but even though you don't understand or approve, above all before he's your husband, he's also a man. Try to understand him, men and women have different taste. I am sure has nothing to do with you.
Instead of getting upset about a silly magazine, why don't you work on trying to make the marriage better. I am sure you are a wonderful wife, but as we all know, through the years, with family, finance, daily stress, work, etc we tend to loose track of little things that makes us happy. It's normal in a marriage that with the years that goes by, the intimacy get less and less, but it's up to both you and your husband to keep the sparkle in a marriage.
Don't think about this anymore, be nice to your husband. We get so used to the daily routine, sometimes we forget how to appreciate the person we care the most.
Good luck! Feel better
...............................
A
female
reader, Moo's Mum  +, writes (6 September 2011):
 I personally don't find porn threatening because the way I see it, it's just eye candy it's not and will never be the real thing. Ask him if there's something going on that makes him only want sex that much and tell him how you feel about the lack of contact between you. The trick is not to ask him defensively which will put up barriers straight away. Rather you should approach it in a positive light.
...............................
|
