A
female
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anonymous
writes:Hi - advise needed.Well by boyfriend told me 3 yrs ago that he had only ever slept with 1 other person (his ex of 1 yr) before we started dating, now hes telling me he slept with 6 other woman before me!!! Im confused about how i now feel. I never thought he would lie to me especially over something so insignificant!The girls don't bother me its just the lying - i hate lier's, has anyone else been in this situation or has any advise as to how i should react.Please help!!!Thank you Reply to this Question
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (16 December 2007): the same thing happened to me, where my boyfriend lied to me on numerous occasions and then a year into our relationship added another notch on his bed post. When i confronted him he acted like it was no big deal. Yeah i understand that it is upsetting, not because his past because really I can care less, but just he lied. When someone breaks your trust like that its difficult to move on and pretend that everythings o.k., because its not. I think about it time to time, but i didnt really yell at him. I just told him that its difficult for me to trust him anymore and he let me down. Sometimes when you say cheesy things your man as opposed to yelling they feel awful.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (10 December 2007): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHay koala, thanks again for opinion. well I spoke to him and explained how I felt and he tried his best to reassure me.
I think I may have forgotten that he to was only human. I realised that I DO love him and that if i couldn't at least try and work things out then what sort of relationship did we really have in the first place!
Thanks for the advise ive taken on board at lot of what you said, i think a bit of me knew all that anyway but sometimes its nice to have some outsight feedback.
Oh by the way - were still together!!!
Thank you again! Take Care
xxx
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A
female
reader, Koala +, writes (28 November 2007):
Hiya, I think the big thing is whether or not you love him enough to try to work on this/ forgive him and move on. I can only really speak for myself and my own relationship and even though I know there are things that we both need to work on and we have both had issues in the past that have affected us and our self esteem, that both of us are willing to forgive each other certain things. As I said before, yes I do have a concern that 'what else would he lie to me about?' however I know 100% that he would never ever cheat on me or do anything to hurt me and I trust him with all those important things. We have a great relationship and we have come through a lot together and I know that we will work through many other things as well and neither of us are perfect. Have you ever lied to your boyfriend about anything, anything at all, that you may think is not so important or that he might look down on? I know I have. I guess I'm trying to work through this myself. I put my boyfriend on a pedestal when we first got together, and fell in love with him based on my knowledge of him at the time. I have sinse realised that he is only human and yes he has faults, and he has found out about mine, in particular my insecurities and how this can make me a bit psycho at times!Each relationship is different, but If I was in the same situation I suppose I would want him to offer an explanation - maybe there is but he just doesnt consciously know WHY he lied and certainly an apology.I know people always say this, but it really might be worth seeing a councillor even just once or twice, as it has really helped me and possibly even saved my relationship, they really can give you a different perspective on things, especially as you say that it took you a while to trust guys in general.I realise it hurts, but I would say, based on the info you've given, if you love him and everything else is really great, then it is worth sticking in there and sorting this out. All the best xx
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reader, anonymous, writes (23 November 2007): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHi Koala - thanks for responding! Well when i asked him why he lied (in a non aggressive manner!) he said he didn't know. He told me he wasn't ashamed of it but yet he couldn't offer any real explanation as to why he did (lie). He said hes not the sort of guy that lies but clearly he does because he has! Ive reached the point where I don't even know how i feel about him anymore. Although to some its only a small insignificant lie, but thats not the case, i based an opinion of him and fell in love with him based on those principles (that he would only ever sleep with someone he loved, that hes the sort of bloke that wouldn't lie to me etc etc) and now i feel as though i don't even know him - can i love someone i don't know?
And its true what you said - if he can lie about this what else is he lying about or could lie about in the future!
A part of me wants to ignore this and move on with him but i don't think i can. It took me 3 years to learn to trust him (guys in general) and I really believed he wasn't like all those other guys but he is and it saddens me and i really don't know what to do!
If you could mail back I would really appreciate it!
Thank you
x
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A
male
reader, chlez83  +, writes (23 November 2007):
It's both ways actually.Even women tend to lie about their sex history because they don't want their partners to think the worst of them.I think he lied to protect you.If he told you the whole truth there's a risk that you might think he's after using you.Anyway,you have all the rights to be upset but try as hard not to think about it.It's in the past and will belong there forvever.Tell him how much you love him and all you want is for him to be totally honest to you.He'll give in and tell you,that's if he truly loves me.As for me i lied that i've slept with more girls than i actually have so i can look to be sexually experienced.DON'T DWELL IN THE PAST.
All the best.
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A
female
reader, Koala +, writes (22 November 2007):
Hello, Im not sure how much help this will be but I have found similar things with my boyfriend who I love and have been with for a year and a half. He has lied about very small things like watching porn or what he spent some money. Personally I know how you are feeling and it makes you wonder what else he will lie about in the future. I am sure that my boyfriend does this because he feels insecure and thinks if I know the truth I will think less of him and possibly leave him. I am just trying to emphasise to him that I only want the truth and an open and honest relationship, everything else is so good that for me it's certainly worth going the distance.I hope you can work at this with your boyfriend.
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