A
male
age
41-50,
*non_e_mouse
writes:Hi All,I appreciate all the comments on my original post about the break up (http://www.dearcupid.org/question/i-get-loads-of-attention-from-other-girls.html).Yesterday evening I found out she’s been seeing someone else for the last month or so behind my back. To be honest looking back I can sort of see it now since the loving, affectionate side of her just died and there was no intimacy or any signs of caring there. I simply thought she was depressed due to things not going too well in her own life (I still think she is and she needed a kick up the backside!)... But I now have my suspicions she wanted out and wanted me to do something wrong so she could use it to split up... Perhaps making it seem my fault meant she could feel less guilty? And this is probably why we had stupid rows about nothing so I would just leave and she could make out it was my choice.The more I’ve thought about our relationship the more I’ve realised how wrong it was. I can do better (and I have found that writing all this out here is kind of like therapy – nothing like seeing it written in front of you in black and white).I don’t understand is how she can leave me hanging like that. We’ve had this before where she went on holiday for about 11 days without any contact whatsoever… Last time she went on holiday was when her ex-boyfriend cheated on her and she came back only to see him out with his ex-girlfriend. So needless to say when her family booked the last minute holiday she was quite anxy that she was going and I wasn’t. I told her not to worry, I’m hers and I’ll be right here when she gets back. This was back in June. Not one message, phone call, or even a post card. I texted her a few times in those 11 days just to say I was missing her and hope she was enjoying the holiday and stuff. No reply. The day she got back she texted me while I was at work, I was unable to reply for a couple of hours due to meetings. By the time I got back to my desk I had 3 text messages, all within about an hour.1) “hello, how you doing?”2) “hi baby, you still alive?”3) “ok I get the message”I was left hanging not knowing what was happening while she was on holiday. She was left hanging for about 2 hours. I told her she was being stupid and after just a couple of hours when I’m at work how she can send me these messages when I haven’t heard anything from her in 11 days.I am so angry with her and feel like I've been so stupid. All the jealousy and aggro I received and all the support and reassurance I gave because she was worried I'd meet someone else and run off (like both her ex-boyfriends), only for her to stab me in the back by doing it to me.I remember about a month ago I took a last minute half day off work and drove to hers to surprise her... She wasn't expecting me until 6pm but I thought we'd spend the whole afternoon and night together. I texted her just as I left saying I've managed to wangle a half day and I'll be there in about 30 minutes and we can do whatever she wants - just go on a random evening/night out. When I arrived she'd just got out the shower and couldn't look me in the eye. Maybe I'm reading too much into this but at the time I thought she'd be happy to see me. She was not happy but annoyed I didn't let her know sooner. At the time I didn’t understand.Needless to say she’s an idiot and I’m better off without her. I suppose “every cloud has a silver lining” as they say. Despite all this there are positives to take from this; 1) I'm so angry I can't think about her in the same light ever again and I’m sure this’ll help me get over it, believe me I’m tempted if/when I bump into her to make a scene I’m that furious. However, I’m not going to waste any more of my time with her.2) After 5 years of being single I finally opened up and let someone in, unfortunately, it was the wrong person. I deserve better than her and I’m not scared of being single until I meet someone. “What goes around comes around” as they say.Never in a million years would I have thought the cheated would become the cheater (she was cheated on by her previous 2 boyfriends and I’ve had to bear the brunt of that even though I’ve never done anything wrong – one girl is enough for me, in this case one was too many :)What an idiot.
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at work, depressed, ex girlfriend, her ex, his ex, jealous, on holiday, split up, text Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, Samutsen  +, writes (24 November 2007):
 You are lucky that you got out of this mess. You are a good mate and deserve better much better. I am certain you will meet that nice person. It is not going to be easy to get over this I know. But it is not your fault. You were only good to her.
A
female
reader, TheresaUNIQUEbebe  +, writes (23 November 2007):
 some peope are very self center, and just dumb and cold hearted. I don't really judge ppl but then again when it comes to the heart I just feel as if it was yesterday and I go back to hate and distruction...I will never be in those shoes ever again, I see the signs from a mile away and plus I dont waste other's times if I dont see anything in the future. I was cheated on for five years but dated someone for him for eight, I then had the nerve to slap a restraining order on him and it was reversed upon me, I cried and didn't know how t explain to the judge how he did certain things but was slapped with reality and from there jurked back in the present, he then asked after the restraining order was placed that he would love to see me and I said I have no time.
A few months had past and I was still rejecting him and his offers, I then met someone that I wasn't really looking for just trying to live everyday to day that I was gonna make it which I did. My Boyfriend made me feel like I there is a such thing called love and we just clicked on so many levels, I am so HAPPY AND JUST RELIEVED!!My ex then called my phone one day and I left my phone at my boyfriends office not on purpes but he answered and when I came back he said he called and He already new the situation, I told him Im glad you answer.
I haven't talked to him since and I believe I hurt him cause the girl he cheated on me with the big slut on campus and him are now dating and I WROTE A PRETTY MUCH SELFLESS LETTER ABOUT HOW I FELT ABOUT THOSE YEARS AND HOW I WOULD NEVER FORGET BUT I FORGIVE, I JUST CAN'T DO ANYTHING ABOUT KARMA.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (23 November 2007): You sound like a geniunely smart person, and I'm sure you'll find someone better. Next time you'll be able to recognize the signs of a cheater, so you won't have fall for this again. Good luck!
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A
female
reader, angelblueeyes +, writes (22 November 2007):
 HiJust had to add my little note on this, i have just read all of your story and I feel for you, I believe that you are a truely 'nice guy' and I hope you find someone that can give you the love and respect you deserve!!Keep smiling,Lu x x
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