A
female
age
41-50,
*atnip
writes:How do you agree to disagree with your partner. We had a conversation the other day and he said something which he is down right refusing to admit to. I know he said it as it was the last thing he said. I know its not the end of the world but i have to just swallow it and move on. Me and my partner have been together only a few years and things did move quickly and at the beginning it was very difficult but we have worked hard on ourselves and our relationship to improve things and understand each other.its not about blame and i am understanding we have to sometimes let silly minor things go but on this occasion it is very hard. Very frustrating
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male
reader, PJ Roy  +, writes (25 August 2017):
Ok, Philosophy 101, loosely quoting John Holbo: 'if two people are to have a discussion that is worth their time, they have to start by agreeing on something'Starting point: neither you nor your beau is deaf, so you both know the exact words that were used/said. (if, on the contrary, that's truly what you two cannot even agree on... then as per John Holbo, that *argument* is not worth anyone's time, and I mean, _anyone else's too_ )My understanding, very much in line with the point that CodeWarrior brings up, is that you two think you are discussing whether he said words X, Y, Z when really you're speaking past each other...If I were in your shoes, I'd want to hear him acknowledge not that he hurt you... but that you have a right to feel hurt by what he said.If I were him, I'd want to hear you acknowledge that I had not intended for the things I said to be hurtful.The above two need not be mutually exclusive. They can co-exist harmoniously. Maybe you can take it from here?...
A
female
reader, catnip +, writes (23 August 2017):
catnip is verified as being by the original poster of the questionWhat he said was really hurtful. I am not asking him to admit to something to satisfy me. He often says he forgets what he says when he is upset and I would never just accuse him of saying something which he didn't. I just wish he would see that why would I be so adamant he said something if he didn't. I'm not deaf I know what I heard. The meaning behind it is not in question.
Also it is not about having different opinion and beliefs in things. I'm not fussed if he has different interests and views on things like politics, tv or people etc
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A
female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (23 August 2017):
 How do you do it?
Well, I think it comes down to "how important" this issue is for YOU (or him). It is WORTH having a "fight over. Basically, a "pick your battles".
My husband and I talk politics, religion, ANYTHING and often don't agree. He can be like a total brick-wall when it comes to that, whereas I believe in listening to the other person whether I agree or not. And I'm also a firm believer in saying:" I understand your view point but I just don't agree". And other times saying:" I understand your viewpoint but I just don't agree and here is why".
You see the difference?
There has to be a give and take in a relationship.
Being WITH someone doesn't mean you HAVE to think/feel/want to same things ALL the time. You are TWO individuals sharing a bond.
Of course, there will be times where you don't feel like giving in, and you shouldn't BE the only one giving in all the time. It all comes down to what I mentioned at the top. PICK your battles. And be ready to accept that your partner IS allowed to :
1. Change his mind.
2. Disagree with you.
3. Have an opinion of his own (even if it's a stupid ass opinion!)
4. HE is his own person, just like you.
5. Will the issue matter in 3 days? 3 months? 3 years?
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