A
female
age
30-35,
*enacoleus
writes:Dear Agony Aunts and Uncles,I have a huge problem that has taken over my life, and I'm looking for advice on how to LET GO. I'll try to not make this too long.Basically, I have a female teacher(single, 40s) who I have finally realized is doing WAY more harm to me than good. I fell in "love" (or became infatuated) with her about 3 years ago, after she kept requesting that I take her class (I am a sophomore in high school). Since the beginning of this year, everything has gone out of control.We talk to each other after class ends every day, she gave me her home and cell number and we talk on the weekends for 2-3 hours at a time. We talk about dating, sex, love, relationships. She tells me to break up with my boyfriends when I have them (which I did, twice, with 2 BFs I had.) We met for coffee this weekend - nothing happened, but a strange tension was there. She kept suggesting I see "Notes on a Scandal" - a movie about a relationship b/w teacher and student. We text all the time.She keeps telling me that I should be comfortable being gay (I came out to her last year), even though to be honest she is the only woman I have ever liked. She always compliments me, to the point that I become almost uncomfortable. I skip other classes - she knows this - to go see her. We have lunch together (at school) sometimes. She told me I should feel comfortable loving whomever... and then said she would feel safest if I was in a relationship with an older woman!!! We were talking about illegal relationships and she said that sometimes two people can really have a "connection," even if the law says they can't be together. I realize now that she is using me, for whatever reason. Both of our lives would be RUINED should we do something illicit and someone find out. I can see no reason why she would want to be with a girl my age. I want her so bad, and I think about her all the time, but she IS WRECKING MY LIFE. I used to be a perfect student, extremely social. I can't focus any more, and am on the verge of developing an eating disorder. I cannot sleep until 3:00 am, thinking about her, and then while sleeping, dream about her. Sometimes pleasant dreams, and sometimes NIGHTMARES, where she becomes a cruel villain forcing me to end my relationships with everyone except her.I'm like a drug addict, I want her more than anything, I would do EVERYTHING for her. But I know that it could - and WILL - hurt me if something happens. I KNOW she doesn't love me, that she is just seducing me... but I don't if it is because she is a peadophile, egomaniac, etc. Who knows? She would do the same to anyone else, but I guess I was vulnerable...So please, if anyone has any advice, how can I let go of her? How can I let go of the woman who is on my mind every hour, second, millisecond of the day? Also, am I right in being so worried? Lastly (sorry about all this)... something deep, deep inside my heart is pushing these thoughts away and telling me to pursue a relationship with her. Do you think it would be very bad if I do?Thank you so much.-Lena
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (1 March 2009): Be a Good Student.. Dont let ur feelings take over ur mind and dump u in a ditch.. my advice.. is to let her go, have control over ur feelings and concentrate on your studies.Best.
A
female
reader, kitty-katy  +, writes (6 February 2009):
I know this is hard for you-you really love (?) her and she's putting herself within your grasp. But she's more than 20 years older than you. If you had a realtionship, when you were 35 she would be in her SIXTIES. Not a nice thought?
You've just go to try and avoid her as much as possible. Don't call her, don't answer her calls. Try to concentrate more on your studies.
Good luck!
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (2 February 2009): She kept suggesting I see "Notes on a Scandal" - a movie about a relationship b/w teacher and student.Hilarious. Cause THAT movie worked out so well for the characters.Look, this teacher may be hot and all but it is a whole lot of mess that you will be trudging through if you don't:a)Distance yourself from her.andb)Let the school know she is propositioning you.It may be you have no proof. But it will make her more careful and inspire her to leave you alone.Flynn 24
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A
female
reader, Firefighter's Wife 09 +, writes (2 February 2009):
Oh Lena! It almost sounds like you latched onto her because she was a good authority figure that you could easily look up to! That might not be the case though. She does not sound like she really cares for you! If someone really truly cared for you, they would not tell you to break up with people you are dating. Also she would want you to have good grades. She would push you to do your best and be a great student! From my point of view and other aunts, she is just manipulating you! It may not be what you want to do or hear because she has caused you to develop feelings , but the safest thing for you to do is talk to someone! She is taking advantage of her position as a teacher! She needs to be reprimanded! What if she does this to someone who doesn't have a good head on their shoulders like you do? And they don't ever ask for help? Her line about the law not wanting you to be together is the biggest tip off! Laws are there to protect you! The age of 18 being an adult is there to protect younger people that this can happen to! Teachers are not to have relationships with students other than the teacher student one! Talk to someone you trust and tell yourself that you are doing the right thing! Change classes and avoid her as best as you can! Keep a journal of what she has said and done to you and make sure you do a date and time on there it will help back up your story! This might be one of the hardest things you have ever had to do but you will be much better off in the end! If when this is all over and you still want to see if you are a lesbian, go for it! There isn't a damn thing wrong with it as long as you are happy! I am here anytime if you want to talk or need more advice ok? Good luck and school and be safe!
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (2 February 2009): Hi,By reading your question, I feel you are not actually a lesbian but you were hypnotized by this so called 'teacher' to think of yourself that way. She is using you and ruining your life. Girl, run away from her as fast as you can! Go for councelling! and if possible, complain about her to the school authorities. You are young. There are so many great things in life which you have not yet experianced. My dear, you deserve much better than some crooked old woman ! She had ruined her life and now is after your life! Please, please, for God's sake realise this before it is too late. She has manipulated you so well. Please go and get help while you can! Please go for councelling! Get this 'gay' thoughts out of your head! Please!Please do take care of your self!
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A
female
reader, Auntie Stoned +, writes (2 February 2009):
This teacher has manipulated and hypnotised you. Get psychologist help before it's too late.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (2 February 2009): wow, she's a predator and should have her teachers licensed revoked. You could go to a school councelor, I know it would be hard, but you need an intervention. She's OLD too??? Why would you want to be with Her? Is she a mother figure that you've always wanted?Could you tell your parents? You need protection right now! Your high school years should be filled with friends, fun, and opportunities, please don't let her rob you of living.
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