A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:i am at the end of 20s, i have developed attraction to girls and boys since mychildhood, likely to be bisexual but attracted to women more, not any women,to mentally mature, brain sexy type" brain seducing type". am an honest,responsible, not a player, attractive, and a unique person, i got married to aMAN early and before that i had 2 lesbian attractions both started in highschool, both relationships started from the other partner "flirting, chasing,expressing" and the 1st one I hadn't felt that much love physically oremotionally which lasted only for one year.second one also started from the other, and i responded after 1.5 yrs, and forthe beginning of the relationship i didn't show that much love, care, oremotions. we didn't develop in a physical way, so she couldn't wait and had aplatonic relationship with a guy coz she wanted to get married but it failed. iwas heart broken and got back with her coz by that time i started to love herdeeply.i got a family arranged marriage proposal and i accepted that, through myengagement, me and my girlfriend started the physical intimacy, and for bothof us was the first lesbian sexual emotional relationship.i got married and was scattered between the cultural, religious "i am quitreligious" attachment of" Marriage" and the heart, spirited, physical intenseattraction with my girl.i had looooooong periods of depression anddetermining my sexual orientation "i tried to be boyish earlier in myteenage,but didn't work coz i am 2 feminine and sexy by nature and like myself this way (femme) ;)" but the relationship with my girl some times wouldmake me feel like a cheater and i cheat on my husband.through maternity stage, with hormonal swings, my girlfriend broke-up withme due to my swinging behavior and she left for another girl, and a third!!!she tried to come back when broke-up with them, but it was difficult for me, ihate betrayal and makes me feel insecure.i can't express to you how i was loyal to her, even when i get intimate to myhusband, i fancy her in his place!!! that loyal yaaa scary!!!she tried to come back again and while in the progress of it she cheated againand told me i don't see you as a lover any more, you are only a friend!!! anyway i got over her seriously, don't care about her anymore, and approved thatshe is not worth my kind heart, or loyalty.i can't live without a women in my life, this is what i found recently, i need awomen in my life to appreciate my love, loyalty, responsibility, uniqueness,share the beautiful and ugly, even if it would be a platonic love or romancewithout sex" again religious issues" .6 months ago, i saw this stable,family-oriented, smart, and lovable girl, inoticed her looks to me on few occasions, and one day in a wedding wechatted, danced, and had sexy gazes. we didn't contact until a week after, itwas mutual interest, so she is the first person i choose in my life.the contacts until now mostly by smsing almost daily or every other day, sheis a bad communicator, not that much calls, i saw her few times and her eyes,body language, and gestures tells me that she is attracted to me. i feel thatshe doesn't want to show me her feelings and scared to be out BOLD about meand this lesbian attraction, i feel that why she doesn't call that much coz thevoice also revels her feelings ;)few times i stop communicating my self and she contacts me again" contactsalso mutual from both of us", ask about me, talk about different things, askquestions, bring up issues, likes, dislikes, ask about my family and children,tell me her inner desires about men ;) like she doesn't want to approve of herfeelings to me, all this mostly by smsing, she told me once " that i think youwill be a friend of life, not like others occasional friends!" i showed her myfeelings boldly and told her love you and miss you few times and she wouldreply by a smile or the same to you or me 2 :)i am quite sure that she finds me more than a friend, but how can i passthrough this frustration and miscommunication with her, i get soo angrysome times coz of her being too cautious of reveling her emotions . i told heralready that you r making me mad, and didn't do any thing about it.for me, i think she is worth it to wait, i see her as a life partner, being wrinklyor saggy won't change my feelings,i see her as a friend, as emotional partner,sharing with me the good, the bad, and the ugly ;D i am a great lover too,ihave an old fashion style in love "One and Only", i don't see my husband inthe future except as a friend and the father of my children coz he hasapproved that he is selfish, careless, and doesn't satisfy me emotionally orphysically the way that would make me loyal. don't talk about or suggestdivorce coz in our culture its very difficult thing to do or deal with for awomen.what is your opinion about all this complications ? and this new relationship with the girl i like?
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affair, insecure, lesbian, period, player, swinging, wedding Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Drat001  +, writes (5 January 2011):
I hate to say this but your statement about your girlfriend dating another woman, "I hate betrayal," demonstrates pure narcicism. What the heck do you think you're doing to your husband? If you hate betrayal, why do you stay married? Do the honorable thing and either tell him you want an open marriage or divorce him.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (19 October 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionAbout the guy:
when u meet someone and you feel attached from the first sight or u feel that u know him before, this called spiritual connection, and in our religion we believe that bad souls matches together and good souls matches together.
about my girl:
she still contact me through bbm messenger more, every other-day, but when it comes to call her, she doesn't answer, and give excuses, i start to ask my self if she is shy to revel her feelings or she is not interested! she wants to see me and happy when we arrange a date, but i am the one who always who asks for that. is it about me married? or culture? or religion? or not interested? or interested and shy? interested and afraid to uncover? please give me ur opinion.
religion:
i am a muslim
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (17 October 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questioni also forgot to mention that i had a spiritual connect to a boy when i was in third grade, to his angel face, and sweet manners. i just saw him few times, and we got contact by email and chatting when were adults, i used to write him with a nick name, i know him and he l knows me by nick name, i disconnected with him when got married, but i saw him after that in family gatherings. i noticed his looks as he was saying to me: OHH so that is u?!! but that kind of love is rare, when i see his children now , i smile and wish him and his family the best.
i always had difficulty with my father, he is a very sad spirit, which was reflected to his relationship with his children.
as i said i am frustrating with this new women, or as i view her as a soulmate, but who would gain the best and the finest things without paying! since i knew this women, i am having a strong faith in God that he will give me the best, that if she is a good and kind to me and supports my path in life, God will bring her closer, other wise, he will push her for her own path and a partner that compliment her :)
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (25 September 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questioni wasn't careless or not loving, but i was not expressing all that time to ensure that my feelings are true! my love to her was true, but her love to me was conditioned with "physical intimacy "
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