A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Hi everyone, I'm in a horrible situation... where I have to choose. Making a decision so big is always scary and difficult...Well, here's my story.I'm married to the best man in the world, who truly cares about me and wants to make me happy. We've been together for four years, and married for two. During these years, I've never felt safe, content or even 90% happy. All I feel is guilt, depression, emotional instability and I even get paic attacks from time to time- All this is because despite the fact that I undoubtfully -do- have feeling for my husband, before I started going out with him, I've only fallan in love with GIRLS. I've been aware of this ever since I was a small kid, but I've always felt it to be 'wrong' to an extent, especially because I grew up in a strict, religious family. Right now, what feels 'wrong' is my relationship with my husband. Despite the fact that sex feels physically pleasurable, it always makes me feel awkward and mismatched emotionally. I WANT to make things work so badly! I know we have three options: getting divorced (seemingly the easiest and most logical way out of this) - Open Marriage- though it isn't even an option for us. - And trying our hardest, trying to save our marriage because we both care for eachother... I've been trying my best so far, in fact I'm fully drained of any will and at times I catch myself thinking- 'Hey, it doesn't matter. None of this matter...' The fact that I'm getting these feelings, and even my emtions can change at random- truly scares me. I want to make things work, but at the same time i'm doubdful about it actually being possible (or woth the efforts)... and at the same time I want to take the step and start living my life authentically. It really seems like my world if falling apart. I can't drag this any longerm as I've confided in my husband- and he said he's been suspecting and fearing this for a while. But never the less, he said that he will respect my choice because he truly loves me- and either stay with me and try his best to make things work or help me if I will decide that I want a divorce. I have to make a decision, because we both deserve to me happy in an emotionally fullfilling relationship. I grew up in Greece, that's where we met when he was on a holiday- and I moved with him to Russia. So right now, I have no-one to support me here but my husband and this has turned into a circle... Someone, maybe with a similar situation, please reply- I really need some help and advise. Senya. PS- At times I feel as though I have to make a choice and stick to it, but at the same time I get this feeling that there's nothing to choose from, that I only have to 'accept' rather than choose and move on with my life. The thought of losing my husband terrifies me but at the same time, dragging this existence of mine on for any longer deosn't seem possible...
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (28 June 2009): Senya, if you really want to do the right thing here, you need to RELEASE your hb. while you are with him, you are steling his happiness and his life. he doesn't deserve this from you. if you care anything for him, please release him from this marriage. you can move on and be comfortable with your sexuality. he can move on to a hetrosexual woman who will love him and who will make him happy. plse do the unselfish thing here and let him go. i think you owe him this, don't you. you have already robbed him for 4 yrs, but continue with this. your heart is not in this marriage. you prefer women and you may care for your hb but you do not love him, the way he deserves to be loved.
A
female
reader, MonicaC  +, writes (26 June 2009):
 I have not been in your situation before, but I had a friend who went through something similar. She was a lesbian until she met the guy she married and had a child with. They have been together for about 7 years now, and though she seems happy on the surface, when she has a little to drink, she often tells me that she wishes she had not married him.
Living in a relationship that doesn't fulfill you is a kind of slow death. If you choose to repress your true feelings, you risk losing yourself altogether. If you express your feelings and divorce, you run the risk of regretting your choice. However, I tend to go with the idea that being honest with yourself is the most important thing. You need to ask yourself whether you can live out your life without being with a woman or not.
I can't possibly tell you what to do, but I suggest that you think about it a lot before doing anything. I wish you the best.
xoxo
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A
male
reader, Tbonex +, writes (26 June 2009):
 I have read what you wrote and I'll say this. You and your husband obviously vowed to each other for better or worse and all that good stuff. If you knew you had those other kind of feelings already, then why bother with marriage with the man in the first place; unless he likes that kind of thing. Any normal kind of man wouldn't, not when they're in love with a person and wish to be and stay with them. Just let him know of your feelings and what you think. No need to play with anyone's emotions because that can really cause trouble as people tend to get hurt because of that. I'm sure if he loves you then the way you feel will definitelly hurt him in one way, form, or fashion. I'm married and a male so I know if I was in that kind of situation; That would make me very upset. Just let him know and be tactful about it. Also remember, it is your choice whether you want to be with this man or not. Everyone has free will of mind and even if you made a promise, things can change. If you have any more questions, just ask.
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