A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I've been in a long distance relationship on and off for about a year and a half! I really care for this person. He only lives about 4-5 hours away and I have yet to physically meet him. He's put me through so much emotional stresses so I never felt like it was worth meeting him and setting myself up to get hurt for an already failing relationship.. Well the other day we were arguing and we both said some really hurtful things.. He called me back and apologized (he NEVER apologizes) so I wasn't to sure if it was sincere. Sure enough within 5 mins were back arguing and i said,"don't say something mean and then apologize lik a little bitch when you know your going to say/do it again." I no I shouldnt have said it that way. That was totally out of my character! I never met to call him a bitch but I'm just sooo tired of fighting! What am I fighting for? People who care for one another don't say these things. I know i was wrong! So after I made that comment he cursed me out and told me I could die and he doesn't care about me. And I asked him how could he wish death upon me?then i hung up. Sure enough he called back 5 mins later as if nothing happened and I told him that's the last time he will ever disrespect me and never to call me again... So now a week later I feel like it's my fault and I started everything. I want to call and apologize but I don't want to get trapped in the cycle of him hurting me again. Honestly I no I may need to move on but it's in the back of my head that we will change once we meet. Hes called me every name in the book! Ho, bitch, slut, fat, just things women should never hear. So after saying i could die i felt like enough is enough! I have to love myself enough not to allow people to treat me or talk to me like that! Im better than that and i deserve better! Yes I was wrong for saying that but I was just so upset and fed up!I feel so bad for calling him a bitch after he apologized. I'm not one to throw low blows or to even make ignorant comments lik that. Should I call and apologize? Idk what to do. It's eating me up inside. I don't really want to be with him just because I no he will never change but I still feel like I owe him an apology.. Do i? Am i being naive? Should I just leave it all alone? My intentions weren't to hurt anyone! I'm just a sucker for love and I just want to be happy with someone who will respect me becz i respect myself! We had several plans to meet but something ALWAYS happened to where it would be bad timing for one of us!
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long distance, move on, trapped, want to be happy Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (26 May 2011):
 after a year and a half and only being 4-5 hours apart and not having met, are you sure you want to invest so much time and energy into a relationship that currently actually only exists in your brains?
I see that you don't want to hurt him and that you are ready to end this faux relationship (now don't get me wrong I am IN an LDR myself but we are a mere 2 hours apart by car and see each other more than we don't see each other)
I think that what you need is closure...
a nice email to him saying you are sorry you said what you said but that you were hurt, angry, frustrated, whatever it is... and that you agree it's best to end the relationship and you wish him well... etc.
A
female
reader, chickpea2011 +, writes (26 May 2011):
 I'll be honest with you... You're very young... Right now you see only one way... But, LDR rarely works... It takes a lot of respect, love, honesty, patience to make it work.
The fact that you both fight all the time, 5 min later apologie, then right back again shows that you both are not ready for LDR.
I believe when you say, you both love each other, but takes more than love to make a relationship work!!
Good luck
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A
female
reader, Missy00 +, writes (25 May 2011):
 You both said things that you didn't mean. Obviously you do care about him but maybe this relationship isn't for the best. If you both fight all the time maybe the best solution is to break up. Personally, you deserve to be treated better.
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A
female
reader, angelDlite  +, writes (25 May 2011):
 obviously we only have your side of this story but going on this info alone i would suggest you don't bother.
the names he calls you, all the arguing, the 'on and off' relationship (is this coz of arguing and splitting up?, the emotional stress, and this is all before you have even met up! plus the fact that he lives so far away, makes an in practical relationship, the fact that he never usually apologises (either means that the arguments are caused by you but you'r not telling us OR they are caused by him but he doesn't have the basic respect for you that tells him that you deserve apologies for his bad behaviour.
some people just seem to enjoy troublesome argumentative relationships, you say it causes you stress. if you are looking for love and someone who respects you i think you have hooked up with the wrong man
x
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A
male
reader, mrg123 +, writes (25 May 2011):
 I think you have to have a long hard think about whether this is worth all this. I accept that you care for him but lets be honest here is this good for either of you? Long Distance Relationships are hard and sometimes they are worth fighting through for but I see no indication from what your saying that this is the case here. In fact, the opposite seems to be true because I really cannot tell what that is positive you get out of this relationship and its a long time to have gone without meeting. That in itself suggests the relationship is a dead end but with the arguing I can see literally no positive case for the continuation of this relationship what so ever. I am not doubting you care, nor necessarily that he does. I think you know this is doomed but are just too scared to let go to be honest. However, hanging on isnt working out. I am sorry to be brutal but to an outsider this seems completely pointless.Of course, its your call but you really do have to have a long hard think about this. Frankly, you deserve better than his actions and this relationship, you just have to believe you do. I know this is easy for me to say on the outside, not being involved BUT, please make the break because I think its the best thing for both. Good luck and take care :)x
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