A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:So I'm crying so much right now, and here's my problem.I've been in an LDR for about four years now. We cam and talk daily, his family knows me and he knows mine. We planned for me to come to his country for the holidays/new years, which is very expensive considering it's the Holidays. Him and I agreed on two weeks stay, 21st of Dec to the 4th of January which is roughly about 580 - 600 U.S. dollars.The thing is, I'm staying with him and he's staying with his mother. Now, his mother is very nice, but she insists I stay for only a week or so (10 days) because she believes being with each other for too long in person without having experience would hurt our relationship. I COMPLETELY understand where she's coming from, I do, but him and I have talked about that for months and have reached that two weeks is what we both definitely want.But he sided with her. I'm heartbroken because it seemed like he completely disregarded my feelings. I know it's just four days difference but the fact that he allowed someone else to make one of the most important decisions of our relationship hurt. Anyways, I'm not paying for the ticket. My sister and her fiance are (he's very wealthy) and the times my boyfriend wants me to come and leave are at least 100 dollars more. Like, come exactly on 24th and leave new years, which cost a lot of money instead of staying for a few days. I know it's not my money but I felt like it would be impolite if I were to buy something that wasn't the cheapest ticket, you know? I tried to tell him that I don't understand why he's being so difficult, but he blew up at me and told me I should be more patient with the people that are picking me up, housing me, and etc. It made me feel like a beggar the way he said that. Then after I rage-leave, he texts me to stop being a brat and that he loves me, but I'm the one being difficult after I had agreed to the 10-day thing.Our relationship has been amazing up until now. Why the sudden change? I can't stop crying. Please shed some insight for me.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (7 October 2011): Hello, I'm the person who wrote this question.
Thank you for your input. After a long talk with him, we've decided that his mom is right. We're agreeing on the 10 day stay. I just felt a little harassed that she was the one that ultimately made an important decision about our relationship; but I am very grateful she is letting me stay in her house.
I should be at least happy that i get to spend Christmas with him. (:
Thank you very much all.
A
male
reader, aebniala  +, writes (6 October 2011):
She mite have something special happening in that time that she is not ready to share with you yet. Id say, be patient, you have already agread. Respect your agreament and when she get to know you more, she mite even extend your stay. If not, she would have respected you. Patience is a great qualety to cultivate. have a nice crismass you all.
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A
male
reader, phungstyle  +, writes (6 October 2011):
i curious a little bit about your LDR. How many miles separate you? how many days a year have you guys been spending with each other in a year? Because you know, four years is very very long times, even for a normal distance relationship. i would bet my life that you love him so much and he, too. Your love was built by trust, courage, memories and as you say it's still amazing up until now. so the sudden change is nothing, compared with all the things you have had in common. I understand you want to be with him as long as you can, but you should regard his mother's ideas. And stop crying because you have many things to do. Buy something new, like a gift from your homeland, to expess how much you love his family and that you-are-not-a-beggar. Upgrade your self, make some new clothes, change your hair and use a sweet perfume. Don't think too much, nor over-think. Don't put any more pressure On yourself. From now on you need to have 2 goals to reach, 1 : manage everything as the same as it was, 2: make those days with him become unforgettable moments with joy, laughs... And when you do depart, then leave behind your flavor, your silhouette in his mind. Touch his heart.Then the next time he'll be the one who wants to stay with you, more and more.Maybe forever, who knows, right?don't feel painful when crying for love, there are million of people who have no love to cry for. well, this is the 1st time in life i have commented on a website, it takes me ages, but i think it's worth because i'm the one who always believes in miracle.And your love is the miracle. Here is all my blessing from me to you :D
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (6 October 2011): I can't tell you how to convince him to understand you. But I can tell you how to communicate with him without making him feel attacked. Instead of saying "you", you should be saying "I". For example, "Your not taking my feelings into consideration" vs. "I feel hurt when you say that". Then instead of getting defensive they become apologetic and it's easier to then tell them how you feel. Next time you talk to him tell him how you feel about him taking his mothers said but use this advice, I bet you'll find he's a lot more understanding and maybe even will change his mind.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (6 October 2011): Please don't be too sadden by the situation he is currently staying in his mother's house so he can't tell his mom what he's going to do in her home so agreeing with her was really all he could do. If he wanted it for 2 complete weeks and his mother said no only ten days he has to respect that since it is her home. She could've said that girl ain't coming stay in my house and you'll be completely out of the visit altogether. I know not being able to see him often has to be really hard and when do get to you want it to last, but this is life and honestly my parents wouldn't let my brothers or me have a girlfriend or boyfriend come for 1 night if you ain't engaged or married, it ain't happening. So be grateful that she's the type of parent that allows this.
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