A
female
age
30-35,
*aphr0diteX
writes:I've been in a long distance relationship for 6 months now and for the past couple of weeks I feel like I've just been stressing out about every little thing he does (or doesnt do). We met on xbox - which is a gaming console for those of you who aren't familiar with it. And some of the people I know have also been in xbox relationships and are either now living with their bf/gf or they've gotten married. But it was our main source of communication since we've started dating.So, at the beginning of this month I made a deal with my family that I would not play video games for a whole month. I know it's kind of silly that i'm a 20 year old female with an addiction to video games, but it's true, lol. I made this deal so I could focus on getting a job, which he was very supportive of, but now our main source of communication has been taken away and I feel neglected.I haven't met him yet, but we've made plans to see each other soon. Our communication is limited to our phones, instant messaging, and video chat and that doesn't even bother me. What does bother me is when he can't make time for me. In our kind of relationship I feel like communication is more important than it would be in any other relationship.We went from constantly talking on xbox (about 8-12 hours a day) and on the phone at night (another 2 hours maybe) to only talking over instant messages when he takes small breaks from his games. And by small breaks I mean he'll say good morning, tell me he loves me, asks how i am, and then he's gone for 20 - 90min. Most of the time he just leaves without saying he's going to play anything and i'm sitting there waiting for him to respons to what i've said. So i'll call him, but during the day he usually doesn't have minutes to talk for very long.Neither of us are in school or have jobs (he's 21, almost 22). And I realize finding a job should be my priority so I can re-enroll school at some point and have other things to think about besides over analyzing my relationship. I just wuna know if maybe i'm expecting too much? Maybe I shouldn't be so quick to get angry with him for not paying attention to me. And i've tried asking him to spend a couple of hours without the games with me, but so far it hasn't worked. Not even for our 6th monthiversary when he said he would spend the whole day without his games. We ended up talking and watching a couple of shows together for a few hours then while I was downloading more things to watch, he got back on the games and didn't get off after that til he called me to go to bed. And I love that he loves sleeping with me. And when he does talk to me it makes me extremely happy. But i'm either really happy or really frustrated. There's no in-between and I hate feeling so stressed and crazy all the time.Also, since neither of us get along with our ex's and we've had issues with ex's texting or sending messages over facebook, we've agreed to delete them from our facebooks and not talk/text/call them. And because I think it's harder to trust someone when you're so far away from them, we agreed to let the other person have our facebook information and i sent him my text history a few months ago. So, i took the liberty of using that information to look at his email...which he was really upset about...and i realize it was wrong of me to do that without even asking first...but i found pictures of a couple of his ex's. And i wasn't even really mad since the pictures were sent when we weren't together. If anything, I was a little mad that he still had them. But we talked about it and issues were resolved and we were good again.But today...with my loads of spare time...i get the idea to sign in to his instant messenger...because i'm curious...since he told me his password is the same for everything...and it is...but after we agreed to not talk to our ex's and after that fight we had about me finding the pictures...he STILL has an ex on his buddy list. Why would he keep her when he knows it would make me furious?? When he agreed to not talk to her??Now I feel like I can't bring it up because I violated yet another thing I should've asked about and I really don't want him to turn it around on me for going through his stuff.So I guess my questions are:1) Am I overreacting to not being able to communicate with him as much?2) Why would he keep his ex on his friend list?and 3) Should I bring up it up at all since I snuck into his instant message account?
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male
reader, dirtball +, writes (21 March 2011):
 Just be careful. LDR's aren't a real relationship in that you never see each other in person, or actually spend time together. We see so many problems here that revolve around how difficult it is to maintain an LDR due to communication, that longing to BE together, and trust issues that pop up. I've personally sworn them off because I've tried it and I learned all the shortfalls first hand. I wish you luck though.
A
female
reader, Xaphr0diteX +, writes (19 March 2011):
Xaphr0diteX is verified as being by the original poster of the question When he isn't playing games it's obvious that he cares. We have no issues keeping a conversation going or finding things to talk about and we hardly argue. He's always nice and never makes me feel bad about myself. But you're right - his closest relationship is with his xbox right now. Once he starts playing, if i'm not playing with him, the game is the only thing he's thinking about until he's ripped away from it by his need to smoke, eat, or sleep. I think i'm still bothering with him because I understand more than anyone that it's an actual addiction that can slowly destroy every social aspect of your life. I don't wuna leave him because I feel like we both just don't know what we wuna do with our lives besides be together. I know if he had anything else do to, he could pull himself out of it. When he goes to hang out with a friend or with his family he's much more attentive. But like I said we don't have jobs or go to school right now so it's hard to not play when you have tons of free time. I just want a little more attention from him. So maybe we can work on it for the rest of the month and see what happens...Also, i'm not sure if it was anything serious. I just know about the pictures they sent in 2009. When I asked about her before he just told me she was a good friend. And I don't really ask about the specifics of his previous relationships. I just put her in the ex category because of the pictures and him telling her he loved her.At this point i'm done snooping and i'm just guna trust that he isn't doing anything he knows would upset me. If he just kept her there because he wasn't thinking about it and hasn't been talking to her like he says, i'm willing to believe it.
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A
male
reader, dirtball +, writes (18 March 2011):
1) No. In an LDR communication is the only thing you have. It's also the most important thing to any relationship.
2) Because he's not ready to get rid of her off the list. It also depends on the relationship. Did they date seriously, or was it something that just didn't work out? There are varying degrees of exes.
3) No. Snooping is wrong and is only going to make things worse.
Really, why would you bother with a guy who doesn't really show he cares about you. He cares about video games. The only reason you talked so much is that you're both addicted to gaming. Take the games away and what have you been left with? His relationship is with his xbox. That's who he spends the most time with.
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