| A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes: Hello. Please help!I have been seeing a guy for nearly a year. LDR. Seeing each other regularly though. He lied to me at the beginning of our relationship about a relationship he had with someone who tried to break us up. He said they never were together, I found out this was a lie, and they has been together up until he and first went out (not at the same time though)Another of his exs has just now started to make herself known as a presence again now! He told me he isn't interested and will not respond should she contact him, saying himself that he would tell me. I'm sorry to say I checked his phone as I just didn't believe she has been in touch, even though when i asked today even he lied to my face and said no. I felt so strongly he was lying, and sure enough on messenger he is discussing with his friend that she contacted him! He does state he doesn't want to be with her, then says he wont lose himself again, and he picked me cos I was so far away to help with this. Ibe told him what I've done he's said sorry and that he did it for the right reasons in his head, in that it would have become bigger than it is if he'd have said. I've been so clear I cant handle lies....cant help but think I'm so far away so he can do his own thing. Keep me separate etc......i feel so hurt and betrayed- what do people think? Thank you in advance
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, kissdesign  +, writes (23 November 2015):
Liars will always be liars. Trust me. Been there, Done that. The strongest foundation of a good relationship is honesty.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (23 November 2015): Move on. You now know the truth, and you got played. Of course he felt he could get away with it. LDR's lend themselves to cheating more than any other type of relationship; because you're absent, and the opportunity often presents itself.
In fact, LDR's are more convenient for cheating than in-person relationships; because the odds are more in favor of not getting caught. These affairs can go on for a very long time before you're any the wiser.
You're more mature, perhaps you feel your options are limited as far as men go; and that would make you very vulnerable. So this is highly likely to happen in an LDR; if you feel it's the best you will ever do.
There isn't much you can do to stop it.
Okay, you gave it a try. Now is your opportunity to find something local, real, and better.
LDR's are more trouble than they're worth; because you are so deprived of the most important things necessary to maintain a relationship. That being closeness, easy
availability and access, and intimacy.
Unless you are a solid strongly-committed (if not married) couple forced apart by circumstances beyond your control, with the firm assurance of ending the time apart at the end of the unforeseen or unavoidable separation; it's a risky choice to maintain one voluntarily. It's stressful, and the distrust it creates is excruciating. If it lasts too long, cheating is almost inevitable. The reason we commit, is to be "close" to someone. It's a basic human need. Astronauts, soldiers, missionaries, doctors, nurses, law enforcement, scientists, and the like; are making a serious sacrifice for mankind. Waiting for them is far worth it. Anything less than that, is just the risk you take. At best, you must be prepared to deal with any associated probabilities. Cheating being at the top of the list.
You're now free to go find your happiness. I hope you'll find someone you can be with as often as you like.
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