A
male
age
36-40,
*cottymc
writes:Me and my long distance girlfriend of 5 years broke up last week and and while i miss her i'm suprisingly not overly torn up about it yet. For those who have been in a LDR you'll know that it has to be preety intense for it to work and this ontop of final year stress was too much for us both. We've had some problems and the passion has been dying but i feel like these are more to do with the distance and that awkward stage in a relationship after 5 years?Anyway, we've been at seperate universities for 4 years but next year had planned to do a postgraduate at the same university. Now i hear she's staying up there for the summer rather than moving here, and it's starting to freak me out that this might be it!!I found some interesting breakup advice which i'm following on how to reconcile with your partner. Basicly the following; Take a month no contact period, Contact for a light 30min lunch date then if things go okay then proceed to date properly for a while.Seems obvious advice but taking a month no contact is proving very difficult. I won't see her in person for what is likely to be 4 months and i'm afraid by then it won't be repairable. This week period has proved to be enough to relax and focus my mindset and has taken me away from needing her to wanting her. I feel if i could talk to her then maybe i can fix stuff, but there's no way of knowing if she's ready? (probably not in a week right)I know its dangerous route to go down but i also to be secure in the knowledge she wants to be with me rather than needing me. QuestionsDoes a month no contact work, especially for a LDR?Will 4 month work?How can I be sure she really wants me and is not just being weak?For those who have experience of a LDR, has this dying of passion occured in your relationships?Ultimatly should i contact her?
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broke up, long distance, period, university Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (29 March 2009): I agree with bobbles32.
I've been in my LDR for a year and a half and yeah, whoa, it's definitely a roller coaster.
Sorry I don't have advice really, just wanted to let you know you aren't alone.
A
female
reader, bobbles32  +, writes (18 March 2009):
 The key is not to overwhelm her, as for a perfect time to restart contact..there is no set time or date. It just has to occur when you and her are BOTH ready. You could send her a simple message, nothing too overwhelming, like a "hey, how are you doing?" but to let it go beyond that this early in a break up would overwhelm her.
I'm in a LDR (It's been for like a year and a bit) and the passion is still there, we just need to remind each other regularly that everything is going to work out, because we'll be attending the same college next year.
Is it possible to call her?
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