A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hey. I dont know how to explain this, its basically I dont know how to settle my feelings.I am broody, have been for a while now. I know at the moment, even though i KNOW im emotionally ready for a baby, im not financially even though I would have support I want me and my boyfriend to provide for our child, not us and our parents. So we're waiting until we're married and have a suitable life to bring children into.My bestfriend knows of my feelings, she knows how I feel constantly empty and incomplete and have been for a while. She soon after got with this guy, we'll call him A. He's 19 and already has a two year old from a previous relationship. He's a good father, he cares for his son, but he also teaches him 'not to be a sissy'The one day my friend who we'll call B....decided after being with him for a month she wanted a baby with him. I told her could she please hold it off, she had college she was 16 at the time (17 now) and had a good future. She refused to listen to me, didn't take notice on mine or anyone elses feelings and they started trying for a baby.By the time she started 'trying' I got with my boyfriend who we'll call D. We'd known eachother a few months prior to november (when we started seeing eachother) Now, he loves me very much and helps me with anything. We're kind of engaged (saving for a ring) and waiting a few years before we marry. The thing is, now my friend is nearing 3 months pregnancy. I only found out 3 weeks ago (she told people because she started to show) I was broody enough before but seeing her, having what i wanted and yearned for so much hurts me alot. And although im 'jealous' in a way, i feel bad because she's my friend and i want to be happy for her. Yet part of me says she never took anyone elses feelings into consideration. I cant confront her on this, her hormones make her snap at anything, She's a close friend of mine and D's and like a sister to me. I'm scared that from these feelings I'm going to become more distant and depressed. I'm scared of pushing D into having a child and i REFUSE to do that, once i realise im doing it I apologise and stop he understands completely and im lucky to have him.How can i cope with this?
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reader, anonymous, writes (2 March 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionMandy - Thanks alot =DEve - Its not the fact she GOT pregnant that made me 'wish for a baby', Its the fact that I was already broody and had been for a while, which she knew about and then went on and got pregnant. She is mature and stuff but i just think she rushed things. I didn't need a lecture I know what there is to know, im from a big family (who might i add are damn irresponsible) and looked after newborns for weeks on end, that means night time too! I did that ALONE (usually the babies parent was tired and needed a break i was the one who had to do the work as no one else could be bothered.) I adore children, they make me happy, even waking through the night (and yes for months) I learnt alot of this. Anyway the point is i know ALOT about babies, ive practically been a damn mother to three other children. Once all the hard work was done (getting the children into a routine (tbh im pretty proud of that, each one i got into a routine of sleeping though the night =D)So yeah Eve i didn't need a lecture if you had read the question properly you may have helped lol. Sorry to be harsh. To anyone else i do not need lectures I'm not stupid i know what im doing i just dont know how to control my emotions and want tips x
A
female
reader, AskEve +, writes (2 March 2008):
 Babies are cute and sweet but there a helluva lot of work, not to mention expense. Ask any young parent! Don't let your friend being pregnant make you wish it was you. Just wait until the baby is born and see how hard she finds it to cope. For the next 20 years she will never have the freedom to do what she wants, go holidays with friends, see the world, go out when she wants to or buy something she's always wanted. Babies demand a lot of attention, when they cry during the night you can't ignore them, when they decide they've slept long enough and want to get up at 5am YOU have to too!
There is plenty of time for you to have a child. Enjoy what you have with your boyfriend right now. Finish your education, plan holidays with him, get a career and enjoy your youth.
Do you know that the cost to raise a child until they're 21 amounts to £165,000 ($230,000), that's approximately £22 ($44) a day! Have a look at the link below and read about the facts! Once you do, you'll be glad you waited, there's plenty of time to have children.
http://www.moneyextra.com/features/023088.features.html
~Eve~
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (2 March 2008): Hi Hunny
Really you are thinking about all this in a clever way, You want the best for your child you want to wait and you dont want to rush which is all good, The feelings of having a baby are strong and when our hormones race around our bodys sometimes the urge to be pregnant takes over hunny. At least you can see this in a sensible way love. Unlike your friend who has gone and got pregnant without thinking really hard and wise...you will be ok hunny and one day when you do have all the things planned and its all going well for you, you will then be glad you waited for the right moment. Your not stupid you no its hard work and it takes alot of time patience and money so you are thinking well love..Im going to send you a link on self esteem so that you dont feel bad because of your friend being pregnant and you can put it all in perspective it will help you stay strong.
http://www.selfesteem4women.com/index.php
Have a read hunny and stay focused and strong you are thinking clearly and very grown up about all of this as hard for you as it is WITH LOVE AND PRAYERS MANDY XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX
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