A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:Lately I have been thinking a lot about someone that I should not be thinking of at all. There are two probelms. First off, I am married and he has a significant other and a child. And second, I am not even sure how he feels about me.He was out of state for a few years. We had met briefly before he left, we knew of each other but did not really know each other. While he was gone we became penpals; my husband and his (my friends') significant other knew of our correspondence and it never over stepped any boundries. The letter writing was always appropriate. Sometimes I felt as if he or I were sending some kind of hint of deeper feelings but I always blew it off as my over stimulated imagination. He is a really nice guy, pays attention to detail, and just overall very friendly and I might be mistaking that for feelings, I am not sure. I do know that we got to know each other while writing and we did do nice things for each other, ie, he sent me get well cards when I had some major surgery, or he sent friendship cards, likewise I sent him a birthday card or a holiday greeting.Anyways, he has returned home and to his significant other and I remain married as I have been for over 18 years now. As soon as I saw him, we gave each other a hug and I welcomed him back, and it was all over for me. Since that day I cannot stop thinking about him. We have seen each other since then, again, always appropriate, always involving family members. I have noticed sometimes that I'll catch him looking at me but again, is it my imagination or does he feel something too? I really would just like to know, am I crazy or does he share some sort of feelings for me as well? I don't think either of us would act on it as we really are good people and would not go out of our way to hurt anyone. I am happy in my marriage or so I thought, if I was that happy, would this even be happening? I am so confused!What do I do now? Leave it alone and move forward with the life I have? At some point work up the nerve to ask him? I don't think I could ever do that, but maybe it is the only way? I think if I knew one way or the other, I could move forward and be done with it. It is the not knowing how he feels that drives me crazy. I can avoid him and I have without it being obvious, we have the same group of friends and it is easy to not be able to make it to a function every now and then, but it is not easy to put it out of my mind. If I find out he does not share the same feelings, I could easily move on and have my little dreams of him in my own fantay world. If I find out he does have some feelings for me, I think I could leave it alone as well. It would lay to rest the question of me being crazy, letting my imagination take over or yes, I do have some sort of intuition that is sometimes correct.Help! What you do? would you leave it alone or would you look to get your questions answered? And how would you go about it? I can't write him anymore, which would be perfect, but he is here and living 10 minutes from me! Curiosity is killing the cat here; I just need to know one way or the other!Thanks for reading, I know it was long but thought it was important to give you the background information.Confused and scared
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (21 July 2007): Don't make the mistake of crossing the border into an affair. Serious waste of time. Escape while your dignity is in tact.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (20 July 2007): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks for the responses. After reviewing what i had wrote, i do feel somewhat foolish. It is all true unfortuantely, I am a grown woman and I have a major school girl crush, what is wrong with me? Anyways, I believe the person who said it is like a drug addiction really nailed it! I think what I am missing is the relationship we shared as penpals. It really was pretty innocent, but it was ours and it was fun. We did share some things if we were annoyed, or going thru a rough patch, or whatever, but for the most part it was light-hearted fun! Now that he is home, I have this new friend that I don't remember being that attractive and I am instantly attracted to him and we no longer share that one on one letter writing thing and I miss it. Strange thing is, I still have that naggin thing, did he feel the attraction to or is it ALL in my head? For whatever reason, I feel as if he did but there is no telling.My plan at this point is to put it out of my head, not allow myself to dwell on it any longer and if necessary, stay away for awhile. I will focus on my life and husband and forget this other stuff. I have lots of projects at home that need to be completed and this is the perfect time to get them done and that will make my husband very happy....lol....Thanks again for putting things back into perspective for me!
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (20 July 2007): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks for the responses. After reviewing what i had wrote, i do feel somewhat foolish. It is all true unfortuantely, I am a grown woman and I have a major school girl crush, what is wrong with me?
Anyways, I believe the person who said it is like a drug addiction really nailed it! I think what I am missing is the relationship we shared as penpals. It really was pretty innocent, but it was ours and it was fun. We did share some things if we were annoyed, or going thru a rough patch, or whatever, but for the most part it was light-hearted fun!
Now that he is home, I have this new friend that I don't remember being that attractive and I am instantly attracted to him and we no longer share that one on one letter writing thing and I miss it. Strange thing is, I still have that naggin thing, did he feel the attraction to or is it ALL in my head? For whatever reason, I feel as if he did but there is no telling.
My plan at this point is to put it out of my head, not allow myself to dwell on it any longer and if necessary, stay away for awhile. I will focus on my life and husband and forget this other stuff. I have lots of projects at home that need to be completed and this is the perfect time to get them done and that will make my husband very happy....lol....
Thanks again for putting things back into perspective for me!
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A
male
reader, eddie  +, writes (18 July 2007):
 One more thing. Being attracted to him is fine and normal. Carrying on though like you are though is devious and a choice. You're on the slippery slope....
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A
male
reader, eddie +, writes (18 July 2007):
You're making a huge mistake. If you ask him, you're actually saying that all the letter writing you did over the years was an emotional affair. You're playing with fire and looking to have him validate some primal urge you're feeling. You know you're not going to gain anything by finding out. You'll only muddy the water. What if he panics and tells his partner and your husband what you've been thinking all this time. What if he says that he's attracted to you. Then, every time you're together with him and your husband, your husband is being treated like a fool.....BY YOU, HIS WIFE.
What is the big deal about your question being answered. You shouldn't even be interested in knowing. The answer might only make it worse. Don't be foolish.
Concentrate on your husband and try to figure out why you need this high school crush validated. So, in reality all this time you were corresponding, it was really inappropriate. You knew there was a feeling of something there. Not you've been cut off, like a drug addict, but you still need a fix. Don't do it.
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A
female
reader, flower girl  +, writes (18 July 2007):
 You say you would not act on it if you found out he did like you more than just friends, so whats the point in trying to find out.
Just leave it alone you both have families and they are far more important than stiring up emotions that you have no intention of following through, it could also cause problems with your friendship as well then you would both have to try and explain that to your other halves.
Take care.xx.
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A
female
reader, eyeswideopen +, writes (18 July 2007):
 I would leave it alone, it is just an older version of a schoolgirl crush. Focus on your husband and family.
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