A
female
age
30-35,
*ee_autiful
writes:We have two more days of university and I don't know what to do. I'm quite shy, and I can't even guarantee that we'll have a chance to talk to each other. We're both in our mid-20s and have been studying together for the last year and a half. We're not friends but are friendly- have done some group assignments together and I've been making an effort this year to talk to him before class when we're alone. I don't really know how he feels about me because he seems like a very reserved guy.... I have caught him looking at me sometimes, but I dont want to over-analyse.. We have been away from uni over the last few months doing a practical component of our course.. It was his birthday a few months ago and as I didnt get to see him I send him a message over facebook. He isn't a big user of facebook but it was the only means I had of communicating with him. In my private message I included that I'd have to take him out for a belated birthday drink.. he seemed to respond positively, saying "that would be great, we should definitely do that".. I wasn't sure whether he was being serious or just polite, or knew that I was being serious so I left it at him "deciding on the details seen as he is the birthday boy." I know that was stupid of me... I had no expectations of hearing back from him until we were back at uni as we were both very busy and stressed. And also I knew that he wasn't into facebook .. but I don't know whether he is the type of guy that would make a move... and now I don't know what to do because I honestly don't think we will have an opportunity to talk when we go back to uni this week.. advice? what might he be thinking? what could I expect from a quiet guy? what can I do to let him know I'm interested?
View related questions:
facebook, shy, university Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (22 September 2013): You shared some study-groups and did projects together, so you can always start off conversations by bringing up your common interests. He's away, so find out how he's adjusting to his new location and if he's making any friends.
It will be good to hear from someone he knew before he left.
He'll probably view Facebook more to keep up on what's going on.
Now that you're pursuing higher education you'll have to keep in mind there will be a time you will have to start interviewing for positions in your field.
It is essential that you overcome shyness; because you may be required to make presentations and relate to high-level staff where-ever you find work. It was okay when you were just a kid. It can obliterate all that you've worked so hard for.
You're a woman now. You're losing out on things, and education is way too costly to let something as immature as shyness stand in your way.
A
female
reader, bee_autiful +, writes (22 September 2013):
bee_autiful is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks for taking the time to reply.
I actually managed to get an opportunity to talk to him on our last day, and it was a really nice conversation although while I was working up the courage to mention the birthday drink, we were joined by a friend and so I lost my chance...
Now the only way I have to contact him is over facebook, although I know that he doesn't use it so my message will be unread for a while.. but I feel like it's a thing that I need to do, to get closure I suppose, in knowing that I actually tried for once instead of being the usual shy girl who lets everything pass by...
I just don't know what to say to him- any suggestions?
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (19 September 2013): First, I want to say I'm sorry this post got over-looked. I actually hoped one of the lady aunts would respond, and noticed actually no one has.
I think at your age you simply have to take risks, and this is one of them. You can't always wait for things to happen to you, you just have to make them happen. People fear rejection so badly they are paralyzed by even the thought of making the first move.
You sent him a message over Facebook, and didn't bother to followup with a "face to face" discussion; to determine whether he was even interested in the drink you offered him for his birthday.
Take the initiative at the first opportunity you see him
in-person, and just ask him out for the drink. Just do it. If he says no, then you've got your answer. If he says yes, then you can chalk that up to a victory in your favor.
It's not like the guy is a complete stranger. If you have to face him after being turned down; remember you're no longer in high-school. You're a woman, and don't have to feel shotdown by the entire male population over one solitary incident. Even if you've been rejected before; when will you get a thicker skin and develop a little immunity?
Maybe now others may chime in, and offer you some additional advice. This is such a common question that maybe they just needed to take a break from it. I do care, and hope you'll not be discouraged from just being a little more assertive toward men. They don't always have to make the first move; and rejection doesn't mean you're unattractive or lame.
It only means one guy was not interested. Don't take it so personally if he does say no. Look how far you've come to get a word of encouragement. Well you've got mine. Maybe this reply might be too late, but you'll get other chances.
It only slipped away this time, because you're too afraid to take the risk.
Please let me know what happens. I really want to know.
...............................
|
