A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Iv been with my partner for 3 and a half years.we live together. We have got to the stage where I feel we should either get married and be ttogether long term or not be together atall...recently I have been looking at him and thinking,I don't think i want to be with you long term or marry you.And he has been annoying me alot.i also don't want to be intimate with him and think about what it would be like to be with someone else.on the other hand,I couldn't imagine being without him andWe have some lovely times together and are a great team.i don't know whether its because i don't love him any more and our relationship has run its ccourse or whether its becauseim over thinking everything as I think about it all the time. Reply to this Question
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female
reader, YoungButNotNaive  +, writes (15 September 2013):
 What you're experiencing is normal, to an extent. After living together, you've noticed some of his not so appealing traits, and are annoyed by them. What you have to remember when your mind starts to wander to someone else, though, is everyone has these. They may be different to your boyfriend's, but probably just as annoying. No one is perfect, after all. How does he treat you in general? Your losing interest in wanting to be intimate with him is concerning. Are you losing attraction for him physically? Has he let himself go? Is it just your annoyance of him getting in the way? You also mentioned marriage. Is it possible you're scared of the thought of only having sex with one person for the rest of your life? Do you have experience, or is he your first? If he is, that could be part of it. Some people who get married as virgins end up getting curious as to what it's like to be with someone different, and start to wonder if they're "missing out" by only being with one person. This can cause their attraction to their spouse to deteriorate because suddenly everyone around them seems so much more appealing. Grass is greener syndrome can be a powerful thing. You have to learn to recognize it for what it is, and overcome it by realizing the grass is usually not greener...just different. And different doesn't always mean better. Sometimes it's worse. I like the suggestion by the anon poster of spending some time apart while you figure everything out. Don't keep him in the dark. Let him know your thoughts, and why you want time apart.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (15 September 2013): You are reviewing your relationship; which is a wise thing to do. You should never quietly sit quietly if you are not satisfied. Just remember, he can't read your mind. He has to be informed of your feelings.
You are weighing your pros and cons in a "logical" way. You know what you need and want in a relationship, in order for it to be successful and fulfilling for you. These shouldn't be rambling thoughts. You should concentrate on what it is that your relationship is lacking, or has lost for you.
Will it evolve to the next level? Maybe you've already decided he isn't the man you wish to marry. There should no question in your mind when it comes down to that decision.
Take all things under consideration. Then make a decision based reason, not just your emotions.
Emotionally, you started telling yourself you'll just put up with your relationship for old times sake. You have to be satisfied with how it is now, and where it is going.
You can't just settle for being in a rut. If you're questioning if you even still have feelings; it may be a sign your relationship has run its course.
When your feelings start to change within your relationship,
that means you no longer receive the emotional satisfaction you expect from your partner. You can no longer push yourself to pretend things are okay as they are.
Give it plenty of thought before you decide what it is you think should be done about.
It is most important that you talk to your partner to let him know how you feel. Please don't blind-side the guy; if you come to a sudden decision. You need his feed-back. It takes two to make a relationship.
At least educate him, if you feel he isn't meeting his responsibilities within your relationship. Be honest and let him know that you think your feelings are changing, and you might be uncertain of your future together. It could be possible he feels the same way. People walk around with thing in their heads like other people are supposed to read their thoughts.
Communication is how you get it across to your mate, when you are where you are now.
Sometimes after a long dull lag in a relationship; boredom sets in, and we just mull things through our heads randomly. If these thoughts have been consistent; then it is time to take action.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (15 September 2013): Maybe if you spent some time apart for a while; you would ignite the fire that was there before.
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