A
male
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:OK, here is a simple and straight-forward question for the ladies. I am going to be honest, and I want the HONEST truth, as you see it.I am a male, 39, going to be 40 in 3 months. I am a virgin. Mostly I am a virgin because I believe sex should be shared with one's life partner.However, as I get older, I wonder if I will ever have a life partner. And, lately, I have begun to wonder if my being an-almost-40-year-old virgin will scare away any life partners. Perhaps they'll think I am dysfunctional or weird or what have you.I am a nice guy, but shy, retiring, and okay somewhat insecure.So my question for the ladies is:Do you think I am weird, backwards, dysfunctional for this?Would this hinder you in wanting to date someone like me(all other things being equal), or would you over look it, or would you even respect it?Thank you!"Virge"
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reader, anonymous, writes (11 December 2010): I don't think you're weird. I have read about other men in their 40's who are virgins who were very shy, so I would guess you're quite shy. Everyone has to make the decision when to have sex for themselves. Sex is just one part of a relationship, and as you can see from reading here, many people who have a lot more sexual experience than you don't handle their relationships very well.I would prefer a man who has not had too many partners myself, or maybe even none but me, as long as he is a sensual man who worships and loves me. Love is the way to go in life. So just do what feels comfortable for you.I might worry that a virgin may become sex crazed after experiencing it, or have porn addiction as someone else said. I wouldn't wait too much longer as you may have erection problems in your 40's, some men do. And who knows how long we will all live. You will probably find that when you develop that love relationship it will help you to be more confident and you will grow as a person. So get out there and find her :)
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (10 December 2010): I just want to say this as simply as I can. I know that you already have many answers to your question..but I'd like to answer you too! I'm a 16 year old girl and I would even respect a youngish male for being a virgin. The fact that you have morals and respect for women,just shows me that you deserve someone just like you are! When I say that ..I'm refering to a women who has depth,respect,morals,a soft heart etc. Any women who gets put off by your virginity is NOT worth it..but please don't be surprised if they doubt your virginity either. It really sounds to GOOD to be true. Another wonderferful personality trait,is that you don't seem to be judging those who aren't virgins. Please keep your virginity until you find the love of your life..and if you don't find her,rather die a proud man. Insecure?Please start respecting yourself!..To me,you come across as a truely beautiful person! Any girl who gets you,is going to be in the true sense..a LUCKY girl. Take care. =) Xx
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reader, anonymous, writes (9 December 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you for these replies. I appreciate all of them. I was pretty sure I would get a lot more replies saying it was very weird.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (9 December 2010): I think its a total turn on. I can only imagine how kinky you would be with years of bottled up sexual desires hot hot hot!
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A
male
reader, the_phoenic  +, writes (9 December 2010):
when a woman loves a man i dont think she'll never take care about something like this
Good Luck you are realy a Good man
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A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (9 December 2010):
 Do you want the politically correct answer or the sincere one ?...
Ok, I'll give you the sincere one anyway :
Yes, it would make me wonder. It would find it not weird ,but very unusual and I would ask myself what's this is about ( unless it were for religious reasons ).
In theory, I'd find it endearing,romantic, fantastic in fact- but in practice, only if your choice of abstinence would go hand in hand with a confident,social, outgoing personality. In other words, a guy that clearly , if he would, could- in this case your choice would have my admiration.
But, if you were noticeably ( not just a bit ) shy, retiring, and insecure, I would question if your choice is
just a razionalization for insufficient social skills or lack of self esteem or a tad of immaturity.
Don't get me wrong, I am not a mean b....h and I LIKE shy guys as opposed to loud, all -over -the -place ones.
But everything must be age appropriate and the shyness and social clumsiness that is so adorable in a 19 y.o. makes you wonder 20 years later. True, the world is a big bad mean scary place and dealing with people is challenging- but big part of growing up is just overcoming your fears and learning to navigate smoothly these dangerous waters.
I could not help asking myself whether you never met the right fish for you- or if you just felt inadequate to fishing to begin with.
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female
reader, YouWish +, writes (9 December 2010):
 Nah, nothing wrong with that unless I find out that you're a really heavy porn user with some weird quirks (like sex with furniture while wearing a tutu).
I personally would much rather be with a virgin guy than one who uses women, is a man whore, and could have any number of diseases.
This is just my opinion, but I don't think it's a good thing for a guy to be "experienced" at sex. Many times that just means that he's experienced in pleasing himself. EVERY woman is different, and it's nice when a guy doesn't have to unlearn bad habits.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (9 December 2010): I think it depends why you are a virgin. Thing is I met a guy who is a virgin and he was shy and using porn instead of relationships. He saw sex as banging away within an inch of his life so yes there were things to iron out. Also it is a huge thing meeting a guy who has no history and no experience of women as he can put you on a pedestal thinking you 'are the one' because all he has ever wanted is to meet one woman. It is like starting all over again as a teen with a mature man but with no idea of how to be with a woman.
Saying all this at least he had no ex wife, no children, had never been taken to the cleaners and was not bitter about women. You are what you are and honesty is the best policy here. You dont have to explain yourself too much. Your past is your past and its today that counts. Be proud of who you are and dont let anyone make you feel bad. Do previously promiscuous men feel bad about their past when they settle and marry? Not usually.
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female
reader, xanthic +, writes (9 December 2010):
 Your situation may be somewhat unusual, but I don't see anything wrong with waiting until you find someone you truly love.
Some women might be put off, yes. However, there are definitely women out there that won't mind, especially if they see you're a decent guy that has a respectable reason for waiting and doesn't just want to 'get it over with'.
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reader, anonymous, writes (9 December 2010): There is nothing at All negative to be thought of a male who is a virgin! Hold to your greatest principles always (you have thus far, obviously making it an important one in your life). You can only be respectd for them. Any woman who'd pull away from you after learning the fact is no match for you... I don't see why they would unless completely immature and silly.
-Tante Victoire
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female
reader, SeXySaYwAt  +, writes (9 December 2010):
 personally, that dnt scare me away. I dnt c a problem wit being a virgin at that age. I say wen u least expect it, mrs right wil cum runnin into ur arms. Remember, theres a time n place 4every single thing. Keep ur head up, n stop worrying about wat other people think. Just dnt 4get that u have to Enjoy lifes greatest moment before u wont have a chance to. Mwah!
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female
reader, Mjfbla +, writes (9 December 2010):
 I think its sweet. If it scares someone away then they werent the one for you anyways. But you neeed to be less shy if you want to find that girl. Have you dated anyone lately? Make a move, get out there!
Good Luck :)
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female
reader, loveistheanswer +, writes (9 December 2010):
 Well, part of me would wonder why you're still a virgin cause most people don't wait that long, but then also part of me would like it because its definitely a sign that you're a lover not a user... overall, if I were single, I would totally want to date you... btw, I have a friend and she is like 3 years younger than you and also still a virgin, again she hasn't found the one and due to being abused by people her whole life finds it hard to trust people enough to get close to them... I am shy soul too so I can relate to her, as well as to you...
My one concern if I were to date a 40 year old virgin is: would he turn into a horndog after first getting sex, like totally run wild and leave me? My first instinct would say no, due to knowing myself how I would be in your situation, but then I've also heard of the stereotype of the person who totally goes wild after first tasting sex.... this is more of a concern with me cause you're a man, and men always seem to have this macho pride thing with how many women they can get, which I think is ridiculous, but that's another story entirely... obviously you don't seem to fit that stereotypical category, lol....
I know its hard these days to be an older virgin, but don't let it get to you too much, because with it must have come some very strong convictions that are incredibly hard to find these days in people... you must be a very strong independent personality, but also feeling scared to be the only one... I respect that and relate to that a lot... I lost my virginity at 20 to the only man I ever has sex with and he is now my husband...
If you don't want to wait for the one, you can always switch your stance and just experience sex for the heck of it with a total stranger... but then again you can always wait a little longer until you find the one... but start looking aggressively, she will not just drop into your lap, take an inventory of your values, and aim for the one who is compatible...
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