A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I'm in a long-distance relationship with someone I truly do care about. We talk about the future, and he makes it clear that the our bond is not about sex. Unfortunately, in the beginning of our relationship, when it began to bud from a friendship into more, I did a few things I regret. In the end, it's affected the way we trust each other, more importantly, he doesn't trust me anymore (with good reason, not here to blame him). I've now changed my ways after many many talks, arguments, what have you. What I'm having problems with is his very tight grip on me now because of that lack of trust. I'm not allowed to have male friends (gay or straight), I'm not allowed to talk to any boys even for help in school work, and definitely no contact with any guys that have ever had feelings for me whether or not I felt them in return. I know I shouldn't have ever broken his trust and am very lucky he decided to work things out, but when I suggest that maybe he's a little too possessive, he reasons that he has right to be jealous and threatened. I always agree and we drop it because I'm supposed to be grateful. I mean, I am; he's amazing. But sometimes, I feel trapped. Of course, I value being with him more than my friends...I guess. :(
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male
reader, Abass Abassi  +, writes (22 February 2011):
i read all the guys good comments and explanations. all the comments are appreciated by me. okay my advice will be accept whatever he tells u, it really seems like u have cheated on him in ur first days of relationships, when u were not really sure if this is friendship or what. u know exactly same story is mine. my gf cheated on me on my first days of relationship. i forgave her but couldnt forget it. everytime i was bringing same issue in between and arguing. you know dear it is very difficult when someone loves and trust somebody and then they are cheated. it hurts alot. that is why i couldnt forget it ever. i broke up with her and she is consistently sending me emails and says she is sorry for that and she loves me alot but i don't know i can't forget her past. i am much afraid he will hardly forget it, but i think time will forget it sometimes hopefully. now u be loyal to him and don't break his trust again. give him priority on ur friends. he is not reproachful. everyone will do same if hurted by their future life partners. treat him well and love and be faithful to him.
best of luck
abass
A
male
reader, ClearEyes +, writes (22 February 2011):
I'm probably just about as paranoid as your boyfriend, maybe a little bit less so. You should probably just explain to him that you would never choose another guy over him, (which he may or may not believe) and let him know when developments happen in your life. Tell him where your going, (i.e. to a party, but trust me nothing will happen) If he really cares about you he'll allow you freedom, albeit with some limits. Don;t put yourself in a situation where mistrust is inevitable, like sleeping over a male "friend's" house, going to a nightclub, or a frat party. Him not allowing you to have male friends is pretty extreme, I mean if the male friend has a history with you then no I wouldn't want you see him, but if its just someone new then I don't see a problem.
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A
male
reader, Capri2  +, writes (22 February 2011):
Well. You are very sure you deserver being treated like this for what you did in the past. You didn't explain about that too much, so I guess you have to be right. And you deserver this.
You said "I value being with him more than my friends" so what's the problem here?
In my own personal opinion, this kind of situations explain why you have to break up after cheating. Or after the trust is gone, for that matter.
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A
female
reader, Honeygirl  +, writes (22 February 2011):
 This has the makings of a destructive relationship. Since it is a LDR - time to think about what YOU want.
So we all make mistakes, and it sounds like you have tried very hard to re-build that trust, well face it, it sounds like he will never trust you again.
It is not the way to conduct a relationship. IMHO you need to move on with your life, and chalk this one up to experience.
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