A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Hey everyone.I apologize for the lengthy post. I have been with my boyfriend for almost 4 years. Relationship is up and down, he does really stupid and hurtful things sometimes, and all the time I just give him chance, after chance, after chance. My last encounter with his unpleasantness was a few weeks ago when we went camping with friends, and he got very, extremely wasted, to the point that he couldn't sit up in the chair properly. He argued with his friends so loudly that I couldn't fall asleep in the tent. I got out and asked them politely to be a little more quiet, and my wonderful boyfriend tells me to go sleep in the car.... which was located about 2 km from the campsite. So through the dark woods I went, and in the car I slept, curled up in a ball in the back seat of the cold car. He didn't come to get me. In the morning I walked to the main road and hailed a cab to take me home.Even though he's apologized for this, to me and to my parents (who were really surprised to see me drive up to the house in a cab at 7 am), I still have an extremely difficult time forgetting this. I need advice on how to overcome this somehow. I just can't get out of my head.Now, what I need advice on is how to handle my current situation. I've been having severe breast pain over the past month, and finally last week I decided to go get checked out. The docs saw something on the Xray and ultrasound that they were too pleased with, and asked me to come back for several appointments. I was extremely worried, and shared this with my boyfriend. I told him that I have a big examination test that would determine whether this was anything to worry over or whether it's just a breast cyst or something less serious. My appointment was yesterday and in the previous days I told him how concerned and worried I was and how I was so nervous to go to this exam and hear their diagnose. He knew that my appointment was at 7 am, and would last for about 4 hours (lots of different tests).The test dates went fine (I think), I'm supposed to hear the final diagnose tomorrow morning. But the docs think it's just an inflamed cyst. Anyway. Around 12 pm, when I exited the hospital, I admit I was surprised that he hadn't txted or called me to find out how things are going. So, I called him. No answer. I called him again around 3 pm, and again around 5 pm, no answer. I knew he had to work, so I thought maybe he can't come to the phone?I called him again around 9 pm and was surprised when he picked up the phone. He said he didn't go to work because he was too tired from working the day before (lame excuse for skipping on work, but whatever). So I asked him why he hadn't called me back. He replied, "oh, well i thought you were busy".....what the hell kind of an answer is that!?? I nearly laughed out loud because it sounded so stupid.I told him that I had the big exam at the hospital today, and he said, "oh yeah, completely forgot, how did it go?" His tone was completely monotone and lacked interest and enthusiasm, and it upset me so much! I told him that he made me very sad by not giving me the support he knew I needed that day. I said that I was very disappointed, because he was the first and only person I lean to when i need some advice, or kind words, or feeling of security and peace. I told him I needed him so much that day, and I called him all day to feel a bit better. Finally, I said I didn't want to talk to him at all at the moment, as it made me very upset. He hasn't called back, yesterday or today.Feedback guys? What the hell kind of behavior is this?Thanks, and sorry for the long post.- E.
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female
reader, Nats44  +, writes (6 October 2012):
I have just got out of a relationship with a guy like yours,thank god. If I was you, I would finish this relationship. He's selfish,and will always treat you like this,and your emotions will be up and down. He can never make you happy. You deserve better. You will end it when you,ve had enough i suspect. He will never be there for you when you need him. Good luck. X
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (5 October 2012): Thank you both for your replies. I decided to keep my distance for a bit. In the past, if he was in the wrong, I would be mad and then forgive when he comes to my door with flowers. He probably thinks that now it will be the same thing. He called me today, left me a voicemail. He's apologized. But so what? If he thinks this is going to be quick, easy and painless, he's got another thing coming!
This is Thanksgiving weekend (in canada) and we made plans last week to do something together. but to tell you the truth - I dont even feel like I want to see him - at all! So, next time he calls back will cheerfully answer the phone, and politely tell him that I made other plans for the weekend.
I dont think Im prepared to break up with him just yet. Maybe Im blind, maybe Im hopeful, maybe I fantasize about potential that just isnt there, I dont know. But I do know Ive decided to keep my distance for awhile. I just dont want to get hurt by one person who is never supposed to hurt me! In the meantime, Im going to focus on myself, go to my yoga classes which I have been neglecting lately, read my books, and just be happy!
Again, thank you very much for your replies!
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A
female
reader, Lucky786 +, writes (5 October 2012):
 It's the behaviour of a man who is selfish and doesn't care. As much as you want him to care, he doesn't. If I were you, I'd be thankful for each day that he doesn't contact you.
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A
male
reader, Xearo  +, writes (5 October 2012):
I think after four years he is pretty much taking you for granted. Personally I would not stand for this kind of mediocre attitude and it is not something I expect after four years of being together. That basically means to me, it will never get better. I'd jump ship if I were you, and find someone who deserves you.
I suppose that camping trip experience is a result of too much alcohol so some people do tend to act like jerks. But I'd rather be with someone who is responsible when they drink.
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A
female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (5 October 2012):
 If I am honest with you all it shows is that he doesn't care about you. I am not sure why that is as you have both been together for 4 years, but he was not there to support you and he wasn't worried. He just completely ignored the situation. Him not contacting you since then just shows his lack of interest, if he really wanted to be with you he would be ringing and fighting for you, but he cannot be bothered, I honestly think the best thing that you can do is end things and find someone who actually cares about you.
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