A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:So. I've had a thing for one of my friends for nearly a year. About six months ago I kinda told him, and his response was that he wasn't looking to date - which I realize is a nicer way of saying he's not interested in me. After that he just acted like nothing had happened, so we continued being friends as before.I'm not getting over him very well. It's getting to the point where every time I spend any time with him, I leave feeling terrible because I can't turn off my feelings and he just doesn't feel the same. All the time, I am hurting. I know better than to come out with my feelings again (and he might even think I'm over it by now because I've been quiet about it for such a long time, I don't know). I know the best thing to do here would be to cut all contact with him, but I don't want to do that for a couple of reasons: 1) we attend a small college and, short of hiding in my room all day every day, it would be impractical to just try to avoid him completely, and 2) I don't want to stop spending time with him because we're friends and I'd hate to lose that. Please don't suggest that I try going on dates with other people because I have no desire to do that. I'm not a romantic person nor am I looking for "love." My friend is for some reason the exception to the rule, but I have never had much interest in dating or relationships otherwise. What can I do without avoiding him completely? Or, to what extent do you suggest I stay away from him? Is there a way I can just turn off my emotions, if only temporarily? I'm sick of feeling this way and letting him unknowingly jerk my emotions around.
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female
reader, shrodingerscat +, writes (6 October 2012):
 No, you cannot control your emotions. But you can control your actions and how you react to those emotions.
Cutting off all PURPOSEFUL contact with him is the best idea. You need to avoid him as much as possible, while going out and looking for someone else for you to interact with. Making new friends, and new potential romantic partners, is important.
A
female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (5 October 2012):
 No there is no magic way for this to disappear, if you want to still stay friends with him then I am afraid this is not going to go away magically and disappear. You need to distance yourself from him, if you don't want him questioning it then tell him the truth that you need some space as you are finding it difficult being around him and just distance yourself until you feel you are ready to move on. If you are not prepared to do that then you are just going to keep on making yourself miserable.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (5 October 2012): You can go no contact except for accidental contact with him. Go where you want and if he is there he is there.
Hopefully you will get him out of your system and really be just friends after a while.
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