A
female
age
30-35,
*n.love.with.him
writes:Here is a little bit of what has been going onI lost contact with my boyfriend for month in November and I was trying to get back into contact with him we never broke up but he lives 2 hours away and his phone was messed up then his boss ran it over. But the phone company refunded him his minutes. I got in touch with his sister and she helped me arrange to go out there and visit them and from what he told me I think he was honest. My boyfriend can't come here yet cause he needs to get his passport renewed I gave him the papers for it. Now I haven't heard from him again he seems interested in me we've known each other for 6 years so I couldn't see him doing something as avoiding me I've thought about it thoughMy boyfriend had said to me that I give up on him to easily whenI think I was telling him something about my past then I said never mind. I still tell him what I was going to say it's just a habit for me to say never mind out of being nervous of what he might think it ends up being nothing. I last seen him at the beginning of the month for the weekend and I didn't stay cause his sister can get a little crazy when there are to many people at her house plus his brother and cousin were in town staying there too for a while. I know how his sister can get by the way not just to me but to everyone she likes me it's just the way she is. The thing thats bothering me is that my boyfriend isn't answering his phone now and he's not answering any of the texts either. I feel like he's giving up on me but he tells me everything is alright when we do talk I know he just had a hard time his sister kicked him out I don't know if he's living back at her place but he told me everything was ok. I know he's not cheating either, he still has all my pictures hanging up at his place and he has all of my clothes that I left there. Also we are open about our feelings with each other and we are not scared to cry, laugh, do stupid things in front of each other and are comfortable enough to have disagreements. We still haven't had a huge fight but we have had disagreements and arguments that get solved. We've had a lot of great times and are comfortable talking and in silence and when were not with each other we usually tell each other whats going on. My questions are.1. Why would he say I give up on him to easily I was the only one who tried to get into contact with him when he didn't try I love him to death?2. What should I do about him not answering me, by the way we've known each other for 6 years but been dating for a year I wasn't old enough at the time we met?3. Could him saying that mean something else ex. I'm not being supportive enough I feel as though sometimes I am not agreeing with everything he does he's the same with me but sometimes he doesn't make all the best decisions and I know he will regret it later?4. Should I message his sister if so what should I say?Thanks for reading it's appreciated.
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female
reader, In.love.with.him +, writes (10 January 2012):
In.love.with.him is verified as being by the original poster of the question I will look toward the positives though.
A
female
reader, In.love.with.him +, writes (10 January 2012):
In.love.with.him is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks for both your answers I am so confused right now. It really gets to me when I am all alone though I start crying I feel bipolar right now cause my emotions are going up and down.
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A
female
reader, Emily20  +, writes (9 January 2012):
 My dear you are welcome,one thing i want you to know is this,what is meant to be,most surely be,just be yourself,dont lose contact with his sister until you find out what is wrong,just believe in what you want,and most of all be prayerful,because without god,nothing is possible,goodluck
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (9 January 2012): hi
way too much drama around this guy And you are willing buy every story he offers?
I think his sister has heard it before.
sadly, think this guy may have a drinking problem.
Gather some more facts, as it might make you feel better before you go forward.
But distancing yourself fro
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A
female
reader, In.love.with.him +, writes (9 January 2012):
In.love.with.him is verified as being by the original poster of the questionEmily20 Thanks for giving me for short and good advice I am still waiting to hear from his sister but I hope it is soon she hasn't even been online any how so I'm not stressing much. Thanks and I just realized he was an alcoholic but he`d never drink like that in front of me.
Waves I disagree cause I lived with a heavy drug user when I was younger and I always thought he would distance himself cause he didn`t care about me or my brothers but it wasn`t that nor even related to that. many addicts that i`ve known from when I was using or drinking they would always use cause of something from the past and things that are happening that they don`t want to deal with but it keeps on suppressing the pain...
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A
female
reader, Emily20 +, writes (9 January 2012):
Like i told u ealier,just hold on till you find out whats going on,dont just give up on him
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A
female
reader, In.love.with.him +, writes (8 January 2012):
In.love.with.him is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks for your answer but there was a lot more to this story his sister helped me go out there and see him at the beginning of December and since I didn't give them any information to where I was when I was in town they tried to get a hold of me all day. A week after I came back home he sounded upset and told me his cousin died then he started crying. If he didn't care about me why would he tell me any of that around people he's not close with he doesn't open up to them like that. The last texts he sent to me said :
Hey u we finished the house we were working on, my boss took me and max to the bar he didnt get carded so now im drunk, im homeless and sittin on tj's couch with jack n tj
Everyone is Sleeping i cant be loud im pissed off and im sorry im a piece of shit my sister got mad at me cause I couldn't hear my phone in the bar now she kicked me out thinkin i ignored her. I've been drunk for a few hours now.
He sent that message on the 17th at 1 o'clock in the morning. I tied calling him a few times when I woke up in the morning but his phone was off then it was on later in the day and no answer i also tried texting. He finally got back to me on the 18th at 2 am saying:
Baby im sorry i got u worrying it just was a bad night but everything is ok i was sick all day and still a little dizzy i just been sleeping all day & night hungover
I love u so much and didn't mean to make u worry just one fuckin thing led to another ...anyways sweetdreams beautiful ill b dreaming of u hun
That was the last thing I heard from him I don't know if his sister let him back in or what. But I should also mention that last time we lost contact he was drinking A LOT! Now he's drinking again so I'm starting to see a pattern here. I know he wouldn't cheat on me either he's not that kind of guy. Plus when I went to his place he still had all of my pictures hanging up and he had all of my clothes I left there still. He even had my old cell phone number in his pocket which I haven't used in over a year. Usually people who want to get over someone take the pictures down but they were left untouched. Also he tells me how he is depressed a lot of the time and I figure he drinks to put that away. He's also told me one time that I was to good for him. He never drinks heavily in front of me though he doesn't want me to see it he said he should be taking care of me. I cut my drinking down a long time ago.
I'm sorry I am confused but your opinions on all of this would be greatly appreciated. Thanks and I hope you had a great new years!
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A
female
reader, Waves +, writes (7 January 2012):
 This guy is trying to make you feel guilty when he was attempting to get you to do more for him. And he is sheeting the blame on to you when really it is he who did not contact you. This hints at some unreliability on his part.
When I guy does not answer you he is distancing himself from you. He thinks you are not as useful to him as he thought you would be earlier.
Do not chase him and do not send him messages. Wait for him to take the initiative. It is good that he waited until you were a little older but I think hhis interest, sadly, has waned. You want him to be the man you have wished him to be but it would appear that after six years he is less interested when he should be more interested, if he is genuine.
You have been completely supportive to him. Trouble is he is ungrateful and lacks the empathy and consideration to realise that you have done a lot for him. His lack of appreciation is his failure, not yours. Do not be so hard on you. Of course you have been supportive towards him.
Maybe he does not alwasy make the best decisions. And perhaps he notices that you are wiser than him in your decision making (keep making good decisions) and it makes him feel inadequate (that's his problem and he has to endure the consequences if he makes unwise decisions)
Maybe sometimes you don't agree with his decisions. In a good relationship you should be able to openly discuss this - not choose to speak to the other party (which he is doing) as ostracism is childish behavior.
Your issues are with him. So don't involve his sister. You may be the best girl friend he has ever had and his sister would like to see you stay as his girlfriend.
But if he does not want to talk to you nor contact you at the moment then he needs to either deal with his issues or be truthful to you if his feelings for you have changed.
I suggest that you involve yourself in some other activities and keep busy. Throw yourself into happy activities that give you pleasure.
But don't waste time putting your whole life on hold because he is too inconsiderate to keep you informed of how he is feelings and why he has chosen a series of excuses to explain why he is not communicating with you.
Seriously you do deserve a more available supportive communicative empathic guy than this man.
Yes you feel very close and bonded to him. Yes he has been a huge part of your life. But emotionally it sounds like he is distancing himself from you and choosing to detach from you until you realise that he has moved on. It is a coward's way to end a relationship.
You do deserve better.
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