A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:My boyfriend and I started dating about two years ago. Early on in our relationship, he casually mentioned that his ex-girlfriend of nearly 5 years had aborted his baby. He didn't say it like "My child...I was so devastated," but more like "it was an accident, and I felt obligated to pay for the abortion." I was shocked to hear this, but as it was early days still and I felt we were establishing something special. I didn't recoil in horror, but listened and shared a similar story from my own past - nothing to the effect of having an abortion, though. Anyway, he's dropped a couple of other bombs about their relationship on me, and while these events are clearly nothing to him, they've stayed put in my mind, and I just can't forget about them. The abortion, though, is the most painful for me. It's something I didn't need to know about, and now it's affecting how I feel about him, as we're talking marriage and a future together. I mean, he got another girl pregnant. I know everyone makes mistakes, but how can I forget about this??
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female
reader, maxxie  +, writes (26 June 2010):
 girl, my ex told me the exact same thing. he even acted a little bit sad. we dated for 2 years and when i got pregnant from him, he just left me, said he no longer loved me. babies are a BIG deal, if he isnt devastated about he has no heart
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (23 June 2010): This is the poster.
You know, he's divulged a lot to me about his past relationship and I'm allowing it to overwhelm me, because there's some pretty serious stuff in there, whether he'd like to admit to that or not. He's been so forthcoming with me because he's extremely comfortable in our relationship, but knowing these things about him and his ex has made ME uncomfortable. It's like we're living in two different worlds. It's sunshine and rainbows for him, and storm clouds for me. Maybe I should break things off with him. It's a shame, because things had been going so well, until about 6 months ago when we started digging into each others pasts. He listened to details from my last relationship without fluttering an eyelid, but I feel mortally wounded knowing his.
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A
female
reader, Sincerely Yours +, writes (23 June 2010):
 If you don't have a problem with the fact that he has slept with someone before you, then why would you have a problem with the fact that he got someone pregnant?
All it is, is an accidental side effect of sex. It doesn't make him a bad, careless person. I've known SEVERAL people to get pregnant on birthcontrol pills, condoms, even one who had her tubes tied and got pregnant! It happens all the time. When you have sex, it's a natural risk. It happens to good and bad people and there is no reason to hold it against him.
He may seem heartless to you because he was ok with the aborption, but I'm sure he and his ex gf had a good reason for it. They were probably not fit to take care of a baby, and she was probably not in a position in which she felt she could stop her life for pregnancey.
Try very hard to let it go. It doesn't have anything to do with the sort of person that either one of them are.
If you are trying to find something to be mad at him for, them you're probably just not happy in the relationship.
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A
male
reader, Griffo  +, writes (23 June 2010):
 It's not really a good idea to talk about each others past relationships. It opens a rotten can of worms! I would first make an agreement not to bring up those things.
Secondly, I believe this effects you deep down as a woman abortion can be a very difficult situation for a woman to be in. I believe you are somewhat comparing yourself to the situation? Wondering if it will happen to you, I could be wrong but if you just forget about his past and focus on both your relationship things should work out.
There is no point to worry about something you cannot change in the past.
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A
female
reader, forkandknife +, writes (23 June 2010):
That is completely understandable, no one would want to hear that a serious love interest knocked up some other girl, even if it was in the past. But you have to look on the bright side, that he was honest with you and told you about something pretty uncomfortable. The part that I would be concerned with is the fact that its a seemingly no big deal to him. You may be able to move on from it by talking to him about it and make him understand why you feel the way you do. He may be able to offer you some solace. Best of luck =D
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