A
male
age
30-35,
*ustaine6
writes:My problems kinda about jealousy...So i'm really, really close with this girl. we're not ''official'' but only because I wanna give it time, we do everything a normal young teen couple would do.My problem is with her past...It isn't that slutty at all but it makes me feel like i'm not good enough. i know she showered with her ex, and I know she used to be on speed. and I know shes had her fair share of lovers...and i haven't. I havent kissed much at all and never had a proper girlfriend, or been into heavy drugs, and knowing her past just makes me feel like i'm inadaquate, like i should do them things too if I want her love.I really love her and I know she loves me and we're so close and its so great...Except when it comes to this. i try not to bring it up cos i feel childish, but it really makes me feel like just running away.How do i get over this? =[
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drugs, her ex, her past, jealous Reply to this Question
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female
reader, Queeny  +, writes (1 June 2008):
 she is probably not lingering in her past so why are you the one lingering in 'her' past. she has had boyfriends before and left them because she din't love them otherwise she would not have left them to enjoy being with you. its normal to feel that way but this may make you start acting like a looser and that will put her off. love does not require a deal of 'experience' love is natural its not like a job where you a couple of years experience. yes as you grow in love you gain WISDOM do not be afraid of showing your true colours coz they are beautiful like a rainbow and that's what will attract her most..
please stop feeling inadequate coz you know your strengths focus on your strengths dear and be yourself or least she will be disappointed when she finds out that you were not the person she fell in love with. don't change for her when she demands unrealistically
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (31 May 2008): The feeling will never go away. Move on and find someone of equal experience. Life's not about living a rock and roll lifestyle, you need to grow up.
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A
male
reader, arch_cutter  +, writes (31 May 2008):
 its odd you think that way: but i understand. for every year that goes by, you will be the better person for not having done all the stuff she's doing now... Do you understand? so time is on your side if you just be yourself. it would be a big mistake to "lower" yourself to her level... this is the kind of relationship where the guy gets hurt and the girl rebounds fast and repeatedly: i speak from experience. avoid this situation, at all costs.
that being said: im going to say something many wont like or agree with: she is probably sluttier than you think; sorry to say. im old all i can say the best ones are the onles who had only a few ex lovers: not too many. most guys "want a freak in the sack, and a virgin everywhere else". trust me you dont want a slut, eventually you want something in the middle: with a normal, relationship based sex life with a minumum of 1 night stands. sorry to say this straight out, but it is what it is. i predict she is remaining interested in you because you are not having sex with her!..it makes her want you more. its how these types are, i know.
try to get in with a nice girl...but not too nice! you know what i mean.
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A
female
reader, lexilou +, writes (30 May 2008):
 Just be yourself, it doesnt matter what she has done before, she has chosen you now. She will not expect you to be just like her exes and you shouldnt do anything you are uncomfortable with. We all get jealous of our lovers pasts its a normal part of being in love, we want to wipe the slate clean and be the only important thing in their lives and erase all memories of past loves, but we cant!! The feeling does pass with time, just look to the future and discover new things together x
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (30 May 2008): This hurt feeling is part of being born a male. It's not your fault.
For thousands of years before the invention of birth controls, women were expected to be celibate before they were married. This was also part of the reason.
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A
male
reader, WastedLife +, writes (30 May 2008):
She's with YOU, not them! That's what you need to remember. Speed is not a drug I would use unless I was in a war zone, and then only to stay alive - be glad she is still healthy.
It sounds like you are doing all the right things, even if you do feel uncomfortable. Keep doing them, maybe with just a bit more forewardness, but not too much. It seems that she likes that you respect her and are who you are, so let it be. Love is what it is - rarely knowable - enjoy the moment now, and hopefully the next moment too. Don't bring things up from her past - just suggest(intimate and other) things you two can do together. Respect who she is, and love her for it. Good luck.
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A
male
reader, StudentOfLife  +, writes (30 May 2008):
 The important thing in a relationship is not each other's past but the present and the future with that person.
You both have different life background, it doesn't mean that you can't follow the same path as of now.
If she's with you, it means that she accepted the different past that you guys had and she wants to move forward with you.
Don't compare what you have in common in the past, but what you have in common today. That's the only thing that will affect the outcome of tomorrow.
How do you get over it? By thinking of today and tomorrow, not yesterday. Why thinking about yesterday? You can't change yesterday.
Well that's my opinion on it, hope it helps :) Feel free to give me an update on it!
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