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Kissing Cousin ... yech!

Tagged as: Family, Troubled relationships<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (14 September 2017) 3 Answers - (Newest, 14 September 2017)
A female United Kingdom age 41-50, *ass862 writes:

Hi all,

One of my older cousin's has been sending me a lot of boring links lately on messenger , which I never have the time to respond to or know what to say. He has complimented my Facebook profile pictures a lot , which is fine . Then yesterday after sending a few links , he sent a message saying 'September 13th is the day for kissing guys in the mouth.' Would you say this is inappropriate? It creeped me out a bit , he is Eastern European so doesn't speak English that well . May be I am over reacting ? I just want to block him to be honest but he's family on my mother's side , should I tell her ?

Thanks ??

Do you consider

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (14 September 2017):

Yes OK I'll give him the benefit of the doubt but if he persists in sending weird messages I will block him as I haven't responded to any and it's starting to feel like harassment! I'll continue to ignore him , hopefully it will stop. Thanks for the advice . I'm 41 and we see our family in East Europe either Christmas or Easter , all of us go , so I asked for advice as I don't want to cause any issues

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A female reader, CindyCares Italy +, writes (14 September 2017):

CindyCares agony aunt Yes, maybe you are overreacting. No, I don't find it inappropriate. Silly, yes, a lot. Not in great taste,perhaps, but basically innocuous.

I would give this cousin the benefit of doubt. Being that he is from another country, often some things get sort of " lost in translation " in the spirit if not in the letter. And I have noticed that sense of humour varies noticeably from one country to another. For instance here in Italy I can crack very non -PC jokes and everybody will laugh with me, while if I said the same in USA I 'd get rabid haters on social media - and maybe a lawsuit too; then again, some American " jokes " can sound rude and gross to Italian ears. I think your cousin is just trying to be friendly , to reach out to you, and he is going about it a bit clumsily.

If he gets on your nerves and wants too much of your attention- just ignore him; respond less, less often, more formally. I think he'll get the message eventually that you want to keep some distance between you . But you don't need to block him, it would seem to me an unwarranted aggressive reaction to something, so far, really minor.

And do not say anything to your mother , either. I don't think you need to upset her or worry her about something that ,so far, may be slightly annoying to you but is not worthy kicking a fuss about. And anyway, this is not kindergarten ! At your age, you do not go to snitch on your cousins to your mom ! If ever he SHOULD get too inappropriate for your tastes, I am sure that you can handle it by yourself, in an adult , proper way.

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A female reader, Honeypie United States +, writes (14 September 2017):

Honeypie agony auntDo I find it inappropriate?

Eh.. not really. I would just have replied with a September 13th is just September 13th around here. Or look it up and find something else, like: Roald Dahl Day is observed on September 13th.

You are in the 41-50 age group so why would you need to tell your mother! You are OLD enough to nip this in the bud if you feel he goes too far.

Are you overreacting? I think, a bit? You say he sent some links.. what kind of links? Inappropriate links? Or just links to things he finds interesting or that he thinks you might like? Is he trying to BEFRIEND you, perhaps? And not pursue you?

I would just keep the interactions to a minimum perhaps he will get bored with not really getting the reaction he is hoping for.

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