A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Dear Cupid, my boyfriend is hurt that I don't spend more time with him and that I'm not giving him enough attention. I have crippling depression and often I am so anxious and so deflated even basic functions are difficult. I still see him at least two times a week, sometimes more, and to me who works full time, that is the majority of my free time gone. We talk every day, I see him every week, am I being unreasonable? We've only been in an official relationship for about two weeks and it's making me feel all sorts of guilt and suffocation. Do you think we're incompatible if so early on he's having these troubles? Because of the way that I am, I need someone strong and independent and who is patient. I don't want to hurt him, I'm just the kind of person who needs regular space to recharge. Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (15 September 2017):
 If you are not compatible already and it is only two weeks in then no doubt things will get worse. None off you have major issues, its just you both want different things. You need someone who is patient and likes their own space, where as it sounds like he wants a girlfriend who he can see more off. Honestly this relationship doesn't sound like it will last.
A
female
reader, TrueLoveWaits2016 +, writes (15 September 2017):
From dating someone similar, all I can tell you is the situation and his behavior will get worse. I dated a guy who had issues and nothing was ever enough for him. We talked on the phone everyday for hours, messaged all day and saw each other every other day, all day (he was unemployed and I work part time). I love attention and giving my bf attention, but I felt completely suffocated.
Eventually every time we were together, he would bring up trust issues (he thought I was seeing other men) and would tell me how I wasn't spending enough time on him. I couldn't take it anymore and left. You are entitled to your free time. If you feel like this already, leave, don't feel bad (I didn't). You are def incompatible.
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (14 September 2017): I agree with honeypie; I feel that you can recharge but still be with someone ., what happens when the relationship develops more - it normal to spend more time together .. what happens about living together ..
Before you can be successful in a relationship you really need therapy or some sort of behavioural modification to help you recharge without being threaten with the peeps round about .
Like he give you an hour to read a book while he watches footie or something and then you rejoin up .. being in a relationship means being someone .. not on your own with the other person a hanger in for your needs
...............................
A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (14 September 2017):
 Yes, I think if this is an issue now, it will be later on too. And if you feel suffocated by him wanting to see you more than twice a week, it will be a problem later on too.
Maybe you should focus on getting help for the depression instead of having a BF you don't REALLY feel you have time for?
Being an introvert myself, I know what you mean when you say you need space to recharge, so that IS a thing that a partner needs to understand. The thing is he might not feel the same way.
...............................
|
