A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Okay so i'm 16 and i've been seeing this older guy. He seems to like me, but we can't let anyone know that we talk, cause he's just above the age limit for my families approval. So he tells me that he wants to be with me when i get older, and we still talk secretly but he lives far away in the winter so i don't get to see him till spring/summer. I feel like he's just using me when he's here, and when he goes back to his other place that he lives he gets with a lot of other girls. He tells me that i'm the perfect girl for him, but he doesn't want to get into a relationship with me (yet) I don't understand why we couldn't just date secretly...I feel like he would be loyal if he were really in a relationship but cause he's not tied down he can do whatever he wants with any girl...but while he's been gone i havent been with anyone else....And i'm worried that he has. I don't if i should wait for him...or i should just forget about everything...I don't want to do that but...Sometimes i think that, thats what he wants. I don't what i should do..please help!! Reply to this Question
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female
reader, Emilysanswers  +, writes (2 February 2009):
He does not sound like he's worth waiting for.
He's basically said that he can't be with you till you are older, but that he still wants to chat to you.
That means that you are nothing more than friends right now. He's most likely dating other girls and why not? He hasn't said that you two are in a relationship, or anything like that. He's a single guy, he's going to be having lots of alcohol and sex.
There is nothing stopping you from dating. He has not asked you to stay pure and wait for you for the years it will take before you two are together, he has just said that he would like to if you were older.
Go out and find a nice boyfriend of your own age.
Good Luck!! xx
A
reader, anonymous, writes (2 February 2009): If he is seeing someone else during the winter time, then why don't you start seeing someone else as well.If you don't trust him then don't date him. It's that simple.
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A
female
reader, sugar_sugar +, writes (2 February 2009):
 How much older is he? I'm going to work with the assumption that he's in his late teens or early 20's - in which case it's quite likely that a stereotypical guy of that age bracket will be meeting and hooking up with other girls if he's not in a relationship.While you are clearly at the stage where you are not interested in seeing other people it's unclear if he is or not. Firstly ask yourself if a secret relationship is actually what you want - how long would it be for? Is it possible to discuss it with your parents and get their approval?I think you should discuss it directly with this guy, I wouldn't spend time pining over someone who is not doing the same for you.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (2 February 2009): The only part of this scenario that makes sense is 'he's just using me'. That's pretty clear.
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