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Keep the cheater? Keep the ex? Confused!

Tagged as: Cheating, The ex-factor, Troubled relationships<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (9 April 2009) 1 Answers - (Newest, 9 April 2009)
A female United States age 36-40, anonymous writes:

Ok.

Well....

Here is my problem.

I've been stuck in between two girls for about... a month now.

See, I dated one girl for 3 months and then she got into drugs and I left her because it was stressing me out so much.

Later that month I met another girl and it was almost an instant relationship.

But then the old girl came back into the picture and told me she wanted to date me but wouldn't be my friend and I told her we could only be friends so she left.

Then she came back again.

I told my girlfriend about the ex emailing me and all hell broke loose.

We broke up, argued, cried, and then decided to ignore that ex forever and get back together.

A month later my gf told me she kissed my now exbff.

I was devastated and dumped her.

And when she told me I was on spring break and twenty minutes from the ex.

Now I couldn't get my mind off the ex so I said I was going to go visit her and say my final goodbye to get closure.

Well.... The ex showed me on her iphone how she and my gf had phone sex three hours after we broke up (this is from the first breakup).

She also showed how desperate my gf was for me not to find out.

So then I had to choose one girl to date and I sadly picked the one who cheated.

Problem is though, after we got back together and I told the ex, the ex flipped out and told me that I shouldn't have chosen the cheater and that I was still being lied to.

I'm torn up.

I like so many things about the cheater, and I like so many other things about the ex.

I just don't know what to do.

I feel like the first girl is going to look out for me more, but she is less affectionate than the cheater.

The cheater is always so sweet and loving, but still lying after she swore not to.

I'm so torn.

What should I do?

Keep the cheater?

Keep the cheater as a close friend?

Take back the ex who has quit drugs and gets tested weekly?

Leave them both?

I'm so lost.

Please help.

Thank you.

View related questions: broke up, drugs, get back together, got back together, phone sex

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A male reader, rcn United States +, writes (9 April 2009):

rcn agony auntI'd recommend staying away from both of them. Neither one has shown behaviors which are proper for having the loving relationship you must be seeking. If you keep going back and forth, you'll keep getting disappointed as you are now.

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