A
male
age
36-40,
*ot_that_drunk
writes:I guess I have a fairly complex question. I suppose thats due to the complex situation :P. Basically I've been in and out of a relationship with this girl for almost 3 years now. I just did a tour in iraq, came back, and we got togather again. But things are not like they were. She seems distant, and cold sometimes. We used to have alot of sex, but now I'm lucky to get a kiss. Cheating is what my assumption would be, but I've basically proven that one incorrect.So, simply put, how do I read her? Does she really love me like she says? Is this cold stuff just a phase? Reply to this Question
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (3 June 2007): As a young woman, I tried to picture myself in her shoes and if I would be acting distant and cold, and the answer is that it depends. Did you guys talk while you were in Iraq or only when you came home? When you guys got together, who called who? Also, there are certain ppl (friends and lovers) that we all just have that connection/bond with, where, no matter how long its been since we've talked or seen each other, we pick up right where we left off an it's not awkward. There are a few ppl that, even though I liked them, time had changed things too much for us to really "click." Do you guys live together? & it could simply be that she has changed and isn't into you anymore.
There is also a chance that this has nothing to do with you. Maybe something happened to her--like not wanting to be touched, maybe she experienced some sort of traumatic sexual assault (not jumping to conclusions, but that can be a sign of some1 whos been sexually abused) and doesn't know how to tell you.
If you guys had a really strong bond, to be honest, I doubt it's a phase. Also, there is the possibility that you have changed and she doesn't like it. Or maybe she had changed long ago and you just weren't around long enough to see it.
A
female
reader, Country Woman  +, writes (24 May 2007):
 Frank B Kermit does seem to have a point here.
I don't know how long you were in Iraq as you did not say but if she has been the one sitting around waiting for your return she has had to live a life without you and that could have been going out seeing friends and possibly interest from other men.
She may well have been tempted but like you say you have been proven wrong on this point.
She has not reconnected with you and this is because you are both probably not the same anymore.
Have you ever thought that you may have changed in the way you act and due to where you have been she may feel reluctant to try and discuss it with you.
I would sit her down and talk to her very openly and even though the truth may hurt, in the long run it is better to know than living a lie.
You are both young and you have the rest of your lives to live so don't waste it in a relationship unless it has a future in it and you are both happy.
There are plenty of girls out there just itching to know you so don't just pin your hopes on one because she was the one whose photo you carried with you through probably a very difficult time.
You are home safe and sound now so even though it may be hard to let go you need to know the truth for your own sanity.
Wish you well and here for you anytime like we all are OK.
Take care.
BFN
Country Woman
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A
female
reader, candyk +, writes (24 May 2007):
This may or may not be just a phase. you really need to talk to your girlfriend and ask her how she feels. My boyfriend is away for long periods of time because of the army and when he returns there is usually some period of time that it takes to readjust. she will have filled her life with other people and activities and may well have got used to being on her own so maybe ease yourself gently back into her life. take her out on nice dates and get used to being around each other again im sure you will have lots to catch up on. a lot can change in a few months and i think tours usually last quite some time.
good luck
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A
male
reader, Frank B Kermit  +, writes (24 May 2007):
 I do not think it is a phase...Absense makes the heart grow finder...OR forgetful. I think she is not wanting to be with you anymore, and while you ahve been holding on to the image of her, she has been busy building a life without you.
My guess is that emotionally she has moved on, but she does not want to be the one to break it off, thus I think she acts this way to make you dump her.
-FBK
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (24 May 2007): Hi My bf is in the army and could go on tour like you The thought of that makes me feel sick Id worry constantly for six months but the is the job and would love to go out there. The diff is you are there and know whats going on when those behind think and worry if your ok constantly.I think that to be honest(I know this feeling)she had you before you went and was so broken hearted when you left(we know your not leaving 'us' but it can still feel like that)that now she doesnt feel like she can get as close with you so quickly incase it happens againI think you need to have a talk with her so that the cheating thought your having doesnt play on your mindMy thought is it would just be a faze and that she is getting used of you being back
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