A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:My best friend, who I went out with 7 years ago, for 2 years, and then have been friends with him for the last 5 years, is not talking to me. He has decided to not be friends with me since he has a girlfriend. I am in love with him, and want him back. She has a 3 year old daughter, and he wrote me an e-mail saying that we basically cant be friends anymore, since we have too much history, and that he loves the girl hes with. I have been in my share of relationships, and everytime I made it clear to the guy I was with that tom would be in my life, otherwise they could pretty much take a hike. He hasn't really had a girlfriend for the passed 5 years, since me, and has wanted us to be together for those 5 years, but we would jsut be on and off, since I wasn't sure if we should be together, we were so comfortable that I guess I felt like we needed to be with other people. I know that I sound like the bad guy, but I really was jsut trying to do the right thing at the time, and I needed to appreciate him more, and now I do!! Hes the one, and its so hard to realise it a year too late. I am scared I hurt him too much, since he told me last year that he wanted us to be together and that he wanted to marry his best friend, it wasn't a proposal, just how he felt. but I didn't feel the same way at the time and now, I have realised that I am in love with him and I am ready to share my life with him. But when we were still talking, he always had to advertise his relationship and would tell me things that he didn't need to say. Does this mean he still cares? Could him and I still have a chance or is he really in love with this other girl?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (4 July 2007): i think there is a little bit of the green monster coming out! you definetly need to give it some time between you two. but that doesnt mean you dont have a chance. sometimes you have to fight for what you want, but dont push it too hard. give it some time for him to think things over. in the mean time you should try to talk to him, see if you guys cant still be friends! good luck! i hope he finds you!
A
reader, anonymous, writes (26 May 2007): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI appreciate everyones answer's, it was good to here other peoples feed back. But with that said, its really hard to be able to explain actually how close me and Tom were, not that I want to go on and on, but to get the most accurate answer, and hopefully a little more positive, I thought I better explain it more. Of course right now he has too give what he has with his girlfriend a chance, I dont expect him too want too be with me right away, you said it yourself it had been 5 YEARS, and that I cant even imagine how he must of felt for that time. BUt I didn't ever want too hurt him, I feel like a lot of people settle, too many too count, so I wanted too make sure that would not happen too me and him. My family & his family also was pressuring me too be with him, since they could see how good we were for eachother. TO make a long story short, I have always loved him but I wasn't in love with him at the time, I think because we had been in eachother lives for so long, that the only way I can explain it is, we were so comfortable with one another, which was nice, but I have always said that I wouldn't settle for anything less then butterflys, and at the time, I would of been. I know that they do probably eventually wear off, but at the time I thought I was making the right decision for him and I 'cause my whole heart wouldn't of been in it. It wouldn't of been fair too him either way. Now I have realised that he is the only person that I would want too spend the rest of my life with, I am in love with this man, and its so hard that I cant even be in his life even as a friend right now. I know that this is love, and yes when you love someone you need too let them go, but at the same time the last time that we talked about our feelings, he thought that I didn't feel the same way. So you cant blame me for wanting to get it out and write him an e-mail, explaining how I feel. We have been super close for a really long time, I mean kind of hard to just let someone go. Expecially when they new you better then you new yourself. When we get together we could hang out everday pretty much, we have never gotten sick of eachother, when we couldn't get together, the times when I lived in a different city, we would talk on the phone, pretty much every day, for the passed 5 years up, until he said how he felt last year, then we didn't talk as much, but we still did keep in touch and did still get together quite a bit. I guess i just wanted to explain how close we were and how much he cared about me, and would basically do anything for me. We were best friends. So I feel like yes, right now let him go, but I feel like in the end we will be together. Would it really make sense too be in eachothers lives, have that much history and memories together and throw it all away. I guess I just feel like he will realise one day, maybe not for a while, but if I am willing too wait, like he basically did for those years, then maybe we have a chance? I just feel like, no girl will compare too what me and him had. I feel like love is love, and if he doesn't realise then I wouldn't want us too end up together anyways. I would wnat him too love me so much, just as much as I love him. Maybe there is no end for us and that we just need time. Does anyone think there is a chance for us, now that I explained it more indepth?
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A
male
reader, Frank B Kermit +, writes (25 May 2007):
 You were apart for 5 YEARS! Why didn't you hook up in that time? I think you only want him now badly, becuase someone else got him.
He is right to cut ties with you. He needs to give his new relationship a chance, and that means dumping extra unnecessary bagage that will threaten his relationship. That means you.
-FBK
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A
male
reader, Guitarboy  +, writes (24 May 2007):
 You do not have a chance with your old b/f. For one thing it's over between the two of you, regardless of the friendship he offered you afterwards. He now has a new g/f and has moved on with his life. You should do the same. If you care for him then honor his wishes and stop calling him, stop e-mailing him and just get over it. If you continue to try and be in his life, you will end up creating problems between him and this new woman and he will resent you for screwing it up for him. He's obviously not interested in you anymore. You need to let go and learn from this lesson so you can apply your newfound knowledge to the next person you fall in love with. When it's over, it's over. Best of luck.
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A
female
reader, love-him  +, writes (24 May 2007):
 i think you and him most likely dont have a chance, i know thats not what you want but even if you two did have a chance, at the moment he is with this girl, and i know it can be hard but maybe just let go of him for a while, or maybe ask him if u could all go out for a drink, you ur ex and his gf, get to know the gf so she knows to trust you two toghether. this could be your ex boyfriends decision or his gfs, either way, its been decided.. it is hard but maybe you should choose to continue your life alone, it is clear you stil have feelings for him and maybe he feels feelings for you but realy likes this girl and wants to make a go of it without you being there, if u understand? i hope i helped
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A
female
reader, eyeswideopen  +, writes (24 May 2007):
 Maybe you are just a little bit jealous of his new girlfriend and that's what is making him suddenly look so good to you? Well it really doesn't matter at this point since he does have a new girlfriend and apparently is quite happy with her. Get busy with your own life, if he reappears latter on and you still feel the same way maybe you can hook up but right now you just need to focus on you.
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