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female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes: This year I discovered that my boyfriend has been living a double life - a secret life - with another girl in a long distance relationship. Could be more than one girl, but ONE I know about anyway.He's a compulsive time keeper and was so good at telling lies and juggling between both of us. She knew all about me by the sounds of it.. and that was fine for her.. but I knew nothing at all and ex-communicated him from my life when I discovered what was going on.How can people live double lives? Are they evil? Has anyone reading this ever lived a double life like this? How could he let me hug, kiss and wave him off at the airport when he was getting on a plane to meet HER at the airport on the other side? It just absolutely deflates me to think about. How and why could someone lead a double life?? I don't want to sound conceited, but I am a great girlfriend and he never wanted for anything - love, affection, trust, support, honesty, having fun.. I can't say I ever mistreated him in ANY way and was always open with him and there to support him through hard times. Yet, he met very little of my needs - never returned affection, couldn't open up about his feelings, strung me along with the promise of a future that never eventuated... I feel like I spent years sitting in a waiting room, in limbo.. over him!Any thoughts?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (21 March 2010): Wow! This exact thing happened to me! I found out on Valentine's Day that the "cousin" my boyfriend of over a year had moved in with 3 months prior was not a male but a female that he had been cheating on me with for 7 months! He did not appologize to me, even after I called him a week or so later to get some sort of explination! He is a sociopath. The sad thing is that I was a virgin before I met him. I am 24 years old! I ignored all the signs and did everything to make things work! This man even started going with me to church on sundays! All the while going "home" to her after spending the weekends and some days out of the week with me! But please visit lovefraud.com or google the term sociopath. It will really help you heal. I am still trying to move forward but I have no closure! I just found out on Feb. 14th and he just told her I was lying and they are living happily ever after. I did nothing to deserve this and honestly just want an explination/ appology or to speak with him and find out why! I have managed to avoid seeing him but he has not called me! When I called him, he asked how my day ways, what I had to eat and if I missed him! Arrogant Prick! When I mentioned her, he just hung the phone up in my face! So I completely can realte to you.
A
female
reader, lovleegirl  +, writes (27 February 2010):
Good thing you found out before the relationship became more serious between you two.
I found out my husband had a double life after we were married and I was pregnant with my son. You are so lucky you are not in my situation. Boyfriends come and go... but when marriage is involved with children it becomes so much more complicating.
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A
female
reader, lovleegirl +, writes (27 February 2010):
Good thing you found out before the relationship became more serious between you two. I found out my husband had a double life after we were married and I was pregnant with my son. You are so lucky you are not in my situation. Boyfriends come and go... but when marriage is involved with children it becomes so much more complicated.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (27 February 2010): Thanks everyone,
AuntieBimBim.. yes she knew all about me. She's met me before too, under the guise of a 'friend' of his.
Horrible aye? What a dog. Looks like one too. I don't want to tell anyone about all the proof of their affair that I know about, because I don't want to come between the happy couple. I want to listen and hear about how it falls apart naturally in a couple of months time. Karma is so much sweeter than revenge :)
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy  +, writes (26 February 2010):
He just likes using women. Thankfully you've found out, so you can now make the right decision and move on from him. This has nothign at all to do with you, and certainly doens't mean you're a bad girlfriend or anything like that. Truth is you're probably a brilliant one. It's about him and his own little world. Take a deep breath and move on.
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A
female
reader, Tigerlily +, writes (26 February 2010):
Oh honey. That’s just gut wrenching. You must feel horribly betrayed and like you don’t know who or what to trust. I’m so sorry. I am sending you a big warm hug. Not all humans are like that.
The MOST important thing to remember is that it was not about you at all. You are wonderful. It has nothing to do with what you were or what you weren’t. This is about him and his deep psychological issues. People who do this sort of thing are selfish, cowardly, and deceitful. It doesn’t matter how good you were to him. There is just something missing in him that all the wonderful women in the world cannot fill. There are a lot of clues to this in what you say about him – compulsive, can’t open up, makes empty promises. Selfish, because he never considered anyone else’s feelings. Cowardly, because he couldn’t be a man and make a decision or a commitment.
What you need to do is take care of you and not let this man make you feel like less. Love yourself, be kind to yourself and in time you will heal. You will also be much wiser, and in the future you will be sure to find a man who CAN give back to you. Your life and your love is too valuable to waste your time with people who aren’t giving back.
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A
female
reader, Aunty BimBim  +, writes (26 February 2010):
 Quite simply he is an asshat.
He probably didn't even think or consider that you might have feelings, I am happy you got him out of your life, especially in light of the fact you say he never met any of your needs, never showed affection, and strung you along.
I think you had a very lucky break, if the other girl always knew about you let her have him, she probably deserves him.
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