A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:Hi, I posted on here before and got some really helpful answers. I've been on a few dates with a guy who has been in touch with his ex since they split up last March. He says they had an argument a couple of weeks ago and haven't spoken since but she was upset and wanted to talk to him but she hasn't contacted him so far. The thing is, he has a mobile phone that she phones him on (it's his old mobile - he has a new one now) and she is the ONLY person who now uses that number! Everyone else, including his kids, have his new number and I have asked him to throw the old phone away and he said he would but he hasn't and he still keeps it switched on and even checks it to see if he has any messages or missed calls! Why does he need to keep this phone? Is it because he hopes she might call him again? He has not need at all whatsoever to keep it and it is a tatty old phone so it's not for value reasons and anyway a new sim card would be cheap and he earns well etc etc .... Our relationship is not serious and he talks about his ex a lot. It also sounds as though he is still angry with her. Am I putting two and two together and getting 12 or am I right to be worried. When I asked him why he is still has that old phone he got irritated and changed the subject!! Any input would be appreciated. I don't want to waste my time if he still burns a candle for his ex. I am in my 40's and divorced etc etc .. Thanks for reading this.
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cheap, divorce, his ex, split up Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, cry  +, writes (27 February 2010):
 dump him leave him not worth it.dose he have a special little phone just for you let me tell you straight up he is still verry much in love with her.there you go.
A
male
reader, CaringGuy +, writes (26 February 2010):
He's not over her. Move on now before you get really hurt.
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A
female
reader, Tigerlily +, writes (26 February 2010):
He still burns a candle for his ex; who if they are still talking and fighting etc. a year after they broke up, I'd question how much of an "ex" she really is. You said you've only had a few dates and yet you know this whole history? He's checking to see if he has messages from her while he's ON a date with you?
You two aren't a couple so you don't have a right to ask him to change his behavior. But before you get any deeper into things with this guy I'd just sit him down and say look, I like you, but I'm looking for a relationship in my life and since you are still so involved with your ex I don't really think you are ready. I'm looking for someone who's available for me and right now you are still involved with someone else. That's not really something I want to get involved with. Perhaps you should give me a call after you put the past to rest with her. Take care, it was fun.
This will either shake him awake, or not. But you have stated what you want clearly and he can only respect that. Chances are though you will have to move on, because he isn't ready. I'm sorry. But this is why we date, so we learn and pay attn to the red flags and move on.
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A
female
reader, Aunty BimBim  +, writes (26 February 2010):
 It sounds to me like he hasn't quite detached himself from his old relationship. I think you are right to be asking questions, unless you are happy to play gooseberry .....
He is still burning a candle, carrying the flame, hoping to hear from her, refusing to throw away the phone only she can contact him on
if you are looking for a long term relationship I think you need to look elsewhere
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (26 February 2010): "Our relationship is not serious and he talks about his ex a lot. "
chances are he's not over her and since you both are not in a relationship, you cant stop him from doing that.
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