A
female
age
,
*oping
writes:Just found out he has been cheatingI feel so sick because only 4 hours ago I found out that the man I have been in love with and deeply committed to, open and honest with for 7 years is now seeing someone else. I also found out he lied to me about it. I had noticed that something was different with him and pleaded with him to just tell me the truth. He told me instead that he was having work issues and needed time and space. I knew something was wrong. I have never snooped in people's emails before, but I was in so much pain and my intuition was screaming at me, that I checked his email and there I found the truth. My body is cold and shakey. I know I will get over it eventually but I feel so incredibly sick. I left him a phone message to never contact me again. I know I couldn't recover the trust again. It is just too weak to cheat and lie. I deserve better than that. Cheating and lying are not valuable. Honesty, bravery and kindness are. I can also say that either the guy is just plain bad news, or there is something in the relationship that really wasn't working and that was his way of coping with it. I think as others have said that in certain situations a relationship can recover from an affair, providing there is introspection on both parts and a genuine desire to grow. I am sad to say that in my case, because I think I have a "bad news" one. This is his pattern and I should have not been so gullible and foolish. Do you have any insight to add? I feel so sick and so broken hearted.I feel like I really hurt myself by being foolish and falling in love. How can I protect myself from this happening again?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (9 July 2007): My b.f and father of my 3 kids had an affair a year and a half ago...i let him stay..and regret it.You were better off getting rid of the lying cheating rat.I am consumed each and every day where he is ..what hes doing and it is soul destroying.He carried on like it never happened.Like no big deal.You trust someone completly and they destroy every thing you are and think.Its utimately a lot harder to ever forgive and trust,than kick their sorry ass out...at least you dont have a phyical reminder everyday as to how horrible a person is capable of treating you.
A
female
reader, penta  +, writes (8 July 2007):
 I'm afraid that the only way to find out whether someone is trustworthy is to trust them. But once you find out who someone really is, it's important that you remember it. You did the right thing leaving him; you know who he is now.
You were not foolish. He's an idiot. Please remember the difference and be kinder to yourself.
I wish I had advice for you about how to protect yourself in the future. All I can tell you is to be careful and not to close yourself off from future love. You deserve so very much and it really is out there.
Take some time to heal from this before you jump in again. Get busy and do stuff; work on being the kind of person you're proud of. Confidence attracts a much different kind of man, and I think you'll like the difference.
Good luck hon. Be good to yourself and take care.
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A
female
reader, Nevalearn  +, writes (8 July 2007):
I sympathise with you. It is a very traumatic time when you find out the one you love is unfaithful. Look after yourself. When I found out about my hb I never ate or drank for days I just felt so sick inside. Please look after yourself first and keep yourself healthy.
Unfortunately I agree with Danielepew, you must love like you have never been hurt before, in time this will happen I know at the moment future love is not formost on your mind, but give it time, you deserve better.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (8 July 2007): to help yourself you should move on or get help and ask him why he would do such a thing he is a jerk you need to move on okay hun xoxo christmas may god bless you don't forgot mr.right may always be mr.wrong but keep strong don't let this get you down okay go out there mr.right is still out there looking for a wonderful, loving caring woman as yourself okay take care message me in mailbox if this helps any give me an exlent rating xx christmas
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A
male
reader, Danielepew  +, writes (8 July 2007):
 Many of us agony aunts have been there, madam, so we know how you are feeling. Those of us who have recovered from this kind of issues, can tell you that you were not wrong to trust this man. HE did wrong. If there were any issues, he should have addressed them with you. I don't think you should blame yourself at all.
Now, I always disagree when people say they were foolish to fall in love. Falling in love is natural and wonderful. You give up your defenses, yes, and that puts you in a situation where others can hurt you deeply; but then, it is also the only way you can receive the wonders of true love. This must not be what you want to hear, but there is simply no way to protect yourself. There is no way you can prevent people from lying, being dishonest, not being loyal. All you can do is keep yourself in a cage, so that no harm will come your way; but, also, no love. This is no way to live.
Now, on a practical side, you were absolutely correct in telling him that he should not call you again. I'm sure he will try to get you back; If I were you, I wouldn't let him.
We're here to help. I'm sure other people will add their own opinions.
Hope this helps.
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